


Sound Reasoning

by Rubyhunny



Series: Wonder Twins [1]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Babyfic, Best Friends, F/M, Gen, IVF, Reid and Garcia have babies, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2018-07-18 12:15:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 69,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7314814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rubyhunny/pseuds/Rubyhunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“We should have a baby!” She exclaims louder than she really intends to.  "Oh sweet genius.  Our babies would be brilliant. Perfect.  Seriously we’re depriving the world by not having them.”  Her logic is sound, she’s sure of it.</p><p>A child that's half Spencer Reid and half Penelope Garcia?  It's like this child was scientifically engineered to bring out every one of Derek Morgan's protective traits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So a little set up, this goes AU after Entropy but is set roughly 3 months after Penelope leaves WitSec. It's fluff pure and simple. Total crack as well. It came out of a desire to read about Derek being overprotective of a child that belongs to Reid and Garcia and realizing that Reid and Garcia having children is not something that's written about. So here it is. 
> 
> Derek will appear more in later chapters. A lot more.

A decade ago if anyone had told Penelope Garcia that Spencer Reid would initiate a hug with her she would have laughed in their face. Nicely of course. But still. It would have happened. And furthermore if that same someone, or anyone else for that matter, had said that he would be perfectly fine with cuddling her on the couch she may have spit in that person's face. Of course she would have apologized profusely afterward, but the point stands. 

Never in a million years would she have dreamed that she would have a very drunk Spencer Reid draped over her on Rossi's couch. 

Yet here they are. 

She's just as drunk as he is. In fact she may be a little further along. But she wants to encourage the behavior so she rolls with it and puts an arm around him. Leans her head on his. 

It's nice.

She seems to have hazy memories of the team starting out the night together but she can't for the life of her remember where they are now. The only other person she's aware of is Rossi, sitting across from them with a glass of scotch in his hand. He looks three sheets to the wind though still more sober than she feels. 

They sit for a while. Rossi's got a Rat Pack record playing but she can hear little noises from upstairs. The bathroom sink, footsteps, things like that. Penelope wonders if that's where the rest of the team has disappeared to. 

When the record ends Rossi gets up and turns it off. He turns back to them with a sad look and asks, "Do you two need help getting to bed?"

Penelope startles at the words but Reid doesn't. He's practically catatonic, not saying anything, just staring off into space. She blinks up at Rossi, trying to figure out which of the three she should be speaking to, decides on the left one and says, "No sir, we're good."

He doesn't look convinced but still he sighs and says, "There's a trash can next to the couch. Use it if you need to. Don't break anything. Please. Including each other. I'm just down the hall. If you yell in either direction someone will hear you."

He stands there another few seconds, until Penelope realizes that he's waiting on her to respond so she says, "Okay. Got it. Yell loudly."

He sighs, shakes his head, and turns to leave. 

They're quiet for another few minutes, in fact Penelope is relatively sure that Reid is basically asleep on top of her when he whispers, "I know that I shouldn't be upset. She didn't mean anything by it. She doesn't even know what she's doing anymore. Still..." He trails off. 

Oh. Oh, that's right. They just got back from annual leave. That’s why the team was drinking. That's why he was drinking tonight. He never drinks.

Penelope moves her hand to rub his arm in silent comfort. He seems to wake up a bit at the movement.

"It took everything I have not to leave when she started calling me William," He sniffles and her heart breaks.

"Oh my sweet baby genius," The words slip out of her mouth without any thought. 

He shifts a bit, moves down so that he's laying on her chest. It occurs to her that if they were sober this whole thing would be terribly embarrassing. As drunk as they though it's just comfortable.

"It's just," He starts, "She isn't mad at him. Even when she's lucid she's so damn understanding. She really loves him. Even now."

Penelope wants to say something, it feels like she should say something, but all she can come up with is, "I love you. You are so precious."

"It brought back so much," He continues with a wary smile.

"So much what?"

"So many memories," He pauses, "Emily told me once that I should focus on the ten years that he gave me instead of what he took but I couldn't see it. I couldn't remember anything good. Just them fighting about me. But now," He stops again. Penelope moves her hand up to pet him. She's not really sure why but she feels like he needs to be petted. 

"Did you know that my dad used to give me a book each Christmas? Even though I could read it in an hour he would make me wait it out. We would read a chapter a night. He thought that it would teach me patience. I miss that. I hate that I do. But I miss it."

"Reid," She starts, "It's okay to miss him and still be angry."

"No," He sits up and stares at her shakily, "I don't miss him. I just miss those moments. Not him. Never him."

"Okay, okay," She soothes.

He sort of falls back into her and takes a few seconds to get comfortable again before saying, "I miss having traditions, having a family, having someone to go home to."

"Oh sweetheart you have a family," She starts but he interrupts her.

"I know. I know that I have you all. And I love you. I do. But it's not the same. I mean Hotch has Jack, JJ has Will, Henry and Michael, Rossi has Joy, Derek has Savannah. Who do I have?"

He's looking at her earnestly but her still foggy brain focuses in on the fact that he doesn't mention her. She doesn't have anyone to go home to either.

That’s when the idea hits in all it’s drunk brilliance.

“We should have a baby!” She exclaims louder than she really intends to.  

There’s a loud noise from down the hall.

“What?” Reid asks in a high pitched voice. Suddenly seeming more sober than she thought he was.

“Then neither of us would be alone anymore.  Think about it.  I wouldn’t be alone when you all go away.  You would have someone to come home to.  Oh sweet genius.  Our babies would be brilliant. Perfect.  Seriously we’re depraving the world by not having them.”  Her logic is sound, she’s sure of it.

There are footsteps coming down the hall hurriedly.

Reid sits up enough to look her in the eyes and says, “I think maybe we should wait until we’re sober to make life altering decisions.”

Also sound logic she’s willing to concede.

“Okay, but we’ll talk about it again later,” She says with a sigh.

The footsteps go back down the hall.

“Penelope.  Thank you for offering though,” He’s completely earnest as he lays his face back in her chest.

CM CM CM

Penelope doesn’t bring it up again the next day.  Mainly because she spends most of the next day so hungover that even opening her eyes is a challenge but also because she wakes up to the team packing and racing out the door for Omaha which makes any sort of conversation difficult. Especially, you know, already difficult conversations. 

But the idea is still there digging its way into her brain. 

A lot depends on the case the team is on at the time but if she can swing it Penelope tries to spend at least one day a week with her godsons. Jessica will drop off Jack (who is not technically her godson but is still hers) and Will will hand over Henry and Michael for the day. She tries to schedule it so that they’re at her place but occasionally she has to take them to the office. 

So sometimes she ends up with three little boys in her work space. 

It isn’t the greatest situation but Penelope prides herself on being able to handle anything and it isn’t like she’s giving up her time with the boys. So she creates games for them to play and stresses very early on that they are never to look at her screens without permission. 

The team’s fourth day in Omaha is such a day. 

The longer the case goes on - the worse it is - the more Penelope starts to think that maybe fate is telling her not to have children. At least not this way. 

Until late in the afternoon, when the team is wrapping up what turned out to be a pretty cut and dry case despite appearances to the contrary, and Penelope is taking a breather to feed Michael while Jack and Henry play hot wheels on the floor. It’s then that she thinks, “I could do this.”

Though it’s never whether or not she could do this, Penelope Garcia can do anything she puts her mind too, so much as whether or not she should that bothers her. 

CMCMCM

Spencer thinks that the team is probably chalking his current weirdness up to what happened while he was on leave. He's content to let them keep thinking that way. In fact if he's honest they aren't entirely wrong. Though it isn't the whole story.

He has no idea if Penelope was being serious about her offer but he can't get it out of his head. The idea of a baby is appealing. It's mixing with all of the newly recalled memories of his father. Only now when he thinks about them, about reading books in his childhood bedroom and eating dinosaur shaped pancakes, he's the father instead of the child.

There are so many things he would do differently and he desperately wants the chance to prove it. To prove that he can.

More than that he's just so damn tired of going home alone. 

The team follows their usual MO and waits until the case is over to bring up personal issues which gives Spencer some time to get his thoughts together.

To his relative shock it's JJ that comes to speak to him on the jet. She usually waits until they have more privacy. Derek is normally the one that talks to him here. 

One minute she's sitting next to him and the next her hand is on his arm while he's trying to turn the page of his book. 

"Spence," She starts and just like that he knows he's going to spill his guts. It’s only a matter of time.

"I'm okay," He says with a smile.

"Of course you are. But if you need to talk about what happened when you went to see your mom I'm here."

Spencer glances up to Derek and Rossi across from him, both at least feigning sleep and says, "It just brought up a lot of things I hadn't dealt with."

"But you're going to deal with them now right?" She leads, "Talk to me Spence."

He sighs before answering, "It just reminded me of what it's like you know?"

JJ gives him a look that says very clearly the he needs to explain himself.

"What it was like when he was there. What it was like before he left. I convinced myself that it was all horrible but it wasn't. At least mom didn't think so. He helped me with my homework and he read to me sometimes. He liked to cook. I didn't remember that. He used to cut my sandwiches in weird shapes. That's how I learned geometry."

JJ's smiling sadly and Spencer is suddenly very aware that Rossi and Derek are just faking.

"You miss him," She says and he opens his mouth to refute her but she cuts him off, "Spence, you do miss him. And that's okay. It's okay to miss the good things. It's okay to admit that there were good things. It doesn't change what happened later but..."

"I know that things are often, almost always, more complex than they appear to children. I know intellectually that at 10 years old I was no more able to handle emotional turmoil than any other 10 year old," He starts.

"Spence," JJ interjects.

"I want to be angry at him. I like being angry at him. It makes it easier somehow," He admits for the first time.

"You deserve to be angry at him," JJ agrees. 

"Yes I do," He agrees because of all the facts that exist in his head that's the one with the most truth.

"It's okay to be angry at him for what he did and still miss the way things were when he was around," JJ keeps going, echoing Penelope's words just last week.

"I just miss having someone you know? I miss knowing that there's someone at home who would miss me if I didn't come back. I don't think I've had that since he left," He admits.

Rossi and Derek both seem to stiffen at his words. Impressive for sleeping people.

"When we land you should come over and see the boys," JJ suggests after a moment, "I think Henry really misses his Uncle Spence."

CM CM CM

When they get to JJ's place Henry takes a flying leap at Spencer. JJ walks on around them while Henry talks his godfather's ear off. She comes back a moment later and dumps Michael in his lap. 

The baby immediately smiles and starts babbling. 

He knows what she's trying to do. She's trying to show him that there are people who would miss him if he didn't come home. And it works. Kinda. 

At least, when he leaves he knows that he has to talk to Penelope. If she says no he'll deal with it. But the chance of her saying yes, well that's worth any embarrassment this conversation might bring.

CMCMCM

In a shocking turn of events Reid shows up at Rossi’s place at noon the day after they return from Omaha.  Rossi’s out golfing with Hotch so Penelope answers the door.

He’s rather adorable standing there with his bag around him looking nervous.

“Hey Reid, what’s up?” She answers with a smile.

“Just thought I would stop in and see if you wanted to watch the last few episodes of Doctor Who,” He answers shyly, pulling out a bag of candy.

“Of course.  You know I can’t get enough Clara,” She smirks, making a grab at the goodies.

They’re two episodes into the five they haven’t seen yet, sitting next to each other on the couch with a giant bowl of popcorn and an empty bag of gourmet candy in front of them when Reid asks, “How are you doing?”

He’s quiet, reserved, the way he only is when emotions are involved; when things are real.

“I’m okay,” Is the standard answer, the one she’s been giving the team for almost three months.  There’s something in his eyes though that makes her sigh and say, “You can’t say anything okay?  I’ve talked to Derek about it but I don’t want everyone else knowing.”

Reid nods.

“It’s been hard.  Really hard.  I mean you would think that having a group of hit men after you would be but after’s pretty hard too. I basically lost everything.  My landlord already rented out my place to someone else and reported me for abandoning my lease so I can’t find anywhere else to rent.  At least not in a good area.  So I’m stuck here for the indefinite future.  Rossi’s been great you know…” She trails off realizing that what she’s just said sounds terribly ungrateful.

“But it still isn’t home?” Reid finishes for her.

“Yeah I mean it’s nice to sleep in a real bed again and I love the privacy.  Plus he has a Jacuzzi and that thing...But it makes me feel like a teenager back at home with dad you know? I feel like I can’t go anywhere without permission. On the bright side he always leaves me pizza money on the refrigerator.”

God love him, Reid isn’t laughing the way Derek did.

“What did Derek say?”

“He offered to help me find a place and then he said that everyone’s worried and that if I just go with it and give it time it will get better.” 

“The team does have a unique way of making you feel like a wayward child. But he’s right.  After everything I know that I feel better knowing where you are and that you’re okay,” He’s incredibly earnest looking. So much so that she’s willing to acknowledge his words.

“I know and if it were anyone else I would probably feel the same way,” She’s willing to admit.  And the thing is she would.  Hell, she just spent a week worried about Reid because his mom mistook him for his dad. She can only imagine how worried she would be if he were in her place.

Reid just nods. They sit another few seconds before he asks, “What about Sam?”

Her breath hitches and her hand freezes in the popcorn, “What about him?”

“Have you talked to him?” He asks innocently.  She tries to keep it in mind that he doesn’t do well with crying women.

She shifts a bit, moves her legs under her and makes herself smaller before answering, “He had already moved on.  I called and he freaked out. He was so mad at me for just leaving.  And I get it you know?  He had no real word.  He didn’t really know if I was alive or not.”

Reid puts an arm around her and squeezes her shoulder.  Seriously.

“It’s fine really.  Just one more thing to add to the pile I guess,” She shifts uncomfortably and he takes the moment to rub her shoulder.

“No it’s not fine.  You don’t deserve this,” he says with a sad smile and she lays her head on his chest. Might as well take advantage if he's offering.

They sit like that for another episode before Reid asks, “Were you serious last week?”

Penelope may have been drunker than Christmas that night but she makes it a point to remember offering to have someone’s babies. For example she’s offered to have Derek’s babies 938 times in the past 2 years.  

“I mean if you were just joking or changed your mind it’s fine.  I thought maybe we should talk about it…” He stops when she sits up and puts a hand over his mouth.

“I honestly don’t know if I was serious or not.  It’s certainly a thought,” She answers, “Why?”

Her heart is suddenly beating through her chest waiting on his answer.

“I’ve always wanted kids.  I wasn’t always very good with them but I think I do alright with Jack, Henry and Michael…”

“Spencer is that your way of saying you want to do this?” She ventures and he blushes.

“It’s just I don’t think I’m going to find someone that I want to marry anytime soon you know? But I don’t want to miss out on being a dad just because of that.  I want a family.”

Penelope takes a long minute to think while Spencer sits anxiously next to her.  

“It’s not even about Mom. Or what happened. Not really.  I’ve wanted kids for a long time.  And I think I could do an okay job with them.  I had thought a while back about getting a surrogate…” He trails off, fidgeting.

“Really?” She has to ask, “Why didn’t you?”

“Because I don’t know if I could give up the team. I’m not like Hotch. I don’t have someone at home who would be willing to help me raise my child.  And I don’t have Rossi’s money to hire someone to be on call 24/7. Plus, I don’t like the idea of my child being raised by someone I’m paying.  So either I take the kid away on cases with me, and let's face it if that were possible Hotch would have Jack staying at the hotels with us, or I quit.  And I can’t quit. You all are my family too,” He’s matter of fact about the whole thing.

She laughs a little at that before sobering enough to ask, “Why me?”

Spencer gives her that look.  The one that says that he sees right through her, straight down to the insecurity.  The places that she normally only lets Derek go.

“Penelope you’re one of my best friends.  I didn’t ask you initially because I didn't think you would do it.  Having someone’s baby and then giving it away is extremely difficult. But having to be around that baby after all is said and done, knowing that you won’t be called mom?  It seemed cruel to ask.   But when you asked that night I thought...maybe. ”

“Maybe what?”

Then he offers up some insecurity of his own.

“Maybe it wouldn’t mean you giving me a baby so much as us raising a baby together.  I never thought anyone would want to do that with me…”

“Oh sweet genius anyone would be lucky to raise a child with you!” She can’t stop herself from saying. Nor would she want to.

The tips of his ears turn red and she flicks one.

“The thing is I’ve never really wanted kids.  I’ve always been happy being Aunt Pen.  And,” She pauses to sigh, “I’ve always been scared.”

“Scared?”

“I never want to leave anyone behind the way my parents left me,” Her voice hitches and he tightens his arm around her.

Spencer nods with a sad look and says, “That’s fine.  I just had to ask…”

“No! Let me finish,” She interrupts, "I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, with you know, what I’ve been through. And I keep coming back to, what exactly am I leaving in the world?  We’re all going to die and I’m no exception. I want to leave behind goodness.  I want to leave peace and harmony. And what better way to do that than to have a baby? I wasn’t kidding that night, you and me?  Our babies would be fantastic.”

“They would be pretty perfect,” He answers with a smug smile that makes her grin back.

“So are we really doing this?” She has to ask.

“Yeah I guess we are.”

“How exactly? Because I love you but…” She trails off suddenly anxious about logistics.

“What do you... Oh no. No. We can do IVF.  I may not have Rossi money but I do have some money saved up.  And I could always sneak to Atlantic City if came down to it,” He looks uncomfortable enough that she has to kiss him on the cheek.

“Good,” She sighs in relief as she looks him in the eyes, “I have some money too.  It doesn’t all fall on you.”

“Good.  That’s good.  What happens after though?” It’s probably the most uncertain he’s sounded all night.

“Let’s just take this one step at a time, okay?  We’ll find an endocrinologist and set up appointments.  Figure out the how. Once you put the bun in my oven we’ll look at the rest of it,” That’s sensible right?  That feels sensible.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

She takes a deep breathe, long enough to think about a little blonde headed genius baby, to hear someone calling her mom, and it’s all she can do not to smile widely.

“Yeah.  It’ll work itself out,” She’s almost sure of it.

“But what about living spaces?  I mean we can’t raise a child in Rossi’s house,” He points out reasonably.

“Why not? It’s big enough.  He’s never here anyway.  I bet he’d never notice,” She says waving a hand around at the big empty house.

“I don’t think he would like it,” Spencer sounds dubious.

“He’ll never notice,” She repeats patting him on the stomach.

They get another episode started before Spencer exclaims, “Oh God.  What about Morgan, what are we gonna tell him?  He’ll kill me for getting you pregnant.  And Hotch.  What are we gonna tell Hotch?” He sits up suddenly, dislodging her and looking genuinely upset at the idea.

“Spencer calm down.  Let me deal with Derek.  He won’t kill the father of my children.  And he would never hurt you anyway.  If it comes down to it when we tell Hotch I’ll jump in front of you and scream ‘Don’t hurt the baby!’ That would stop him in his tracks,” She reaches out a hand to grab his, pulling him back down.

He seems to realize how absurd he’s being because he smiles a little and says, “Maybe you’re right. We should probably wait to deal until there’s something to deal with.”

"Exactly. Right now though I just wanna watch Clara die.”

CM CM CM

As many killers as he’s faced over the years and one could still be forgiven for thinking that asking Penelope to have his children was the most nerve racking moment of his life.  They might even be right.

But it’s done now and she’s said yes and there is nothing more that Spencer wants to do than smile.

He’s sure that the bottom is going to fall out eventually.  They may not ever even do IVF, hell they may not even get to the point of making an appointment.  But right now he’s going to be happy in the fact that even for a moment in time someone wants to have his children.  He has a chance at creating the family he should have had.  The one he’s always wanted.

Hope is a wonderful thing. 

CMCMCM

Hotch and Rossi show up with ten minutes left in the last episode. Rossi takes one look at them, their empty candy bags and their half eaten bowl of popcorn and says, "Aaron, this is what I come home to now!"

Then he leans down to kiss Penelope on the head and ruffle Spencer's hair. Penelope bats him away while Spencer shushes him.

Rossi holds out his hands as if to say, 'See I told you." But Hotch just shakes his head like he's being put upon.

"Come on Dave let them finish the episode. It's only got another 10 minutes or so."

Rossi sighs and moves to the kitchen with Hotch following him. 

Penelope spends most of dinner with the three of them convinced that Hotch or Rossi is going to figure out exactly what they're planning. She isn't sure why but she feels like a teenage girl having dinner with her parents after giving her boyfriend a blow job for the first time. 

A little embarrassed, kinda powerful, but mostly like there's something in her hair or teeth that's going to give her away.

She isn't even sure why she's operating like this is a secret, except that they just made the decision not two hours ago and it feels a bit premature to start talking to other people about it.

Especially Hotch and Rossi type people.

So she waits and as soon as Spencer leaves for the evening she retreats upstairs to her baby and does what she does best. Research.

As it turns out there is a lot of stuff available about IVF. Tons in fact. There are even support groups. By the end of the night she's joined a few of them and even made a few friends on the forums. 

CM CM CM

As it turns out you can’t just call an endocrinologist and make an appointment to get knocked up.  Penelope knows because she tried.  The best doctor she can find can’t get her in for two months.  Which according to the seven support groups she’s joined online is actually rather fast.  

How sad is that?

It helps somewhat that between them they can pay cash up front and in full. Or well, Spencer’s paying most of it but she’s okay with that because she figures she’s the one doing the hard work.

Either way, while two months is a long time to still live with Rossi, it isn’t all that long in the grand scheme of things. It fact it’s only three cases.  Three long, hard, bad cases but if anything that just reaffirms her resolve to add some awesomeness to the world.  


	2. Chapter 2

Spencer hasn’t always been close to Penelope.  The first few years they worked together they didn’t really, you know, talk. He thinks that’s his fault.  He was so awkward back then, and slightly terrified of her brightness.  Still to this day it seems so much brighter when next to his neutral tones.

Then things started shifting.  It may have started with Nathan Harris but really it could have been anything.  All he knows is that one day he looked up and he had a one year medallion in one hand and tickets to a show that he was planning on seeing with Penelope in the other.

Maybe it was all the Doctor Who they watched.  

Still, however close they may have been before it’s nothing compared to this brave new post asking her to bear his child world.

They can’t really talk on cases but she texts him every time she finds something new or when someone in one of her groups says something that she thinks he should know.  

He already knows a lot of it.  He’s been reading books on IVF since she said yes.  Still, it’s nice if for no other reason than it shows that she’s in this as much as he is.  

Spencer lets himself hope that it will really happen.

CMCMCM

In general people spend a good deal of time at Rossi’s place. Penelope doesn’t think that it’s always been this way though she’s hesitant to say that it’s because of her. 

It’s actually one of the best parts of living with him. Everyone stops over constantly. Even, perhaps especially, Hotch who would never just casually drop by anyone else’s place. 

In some ways it’s their saving grace. Spencer can drop by anytime, can even stay the night in his very own guest room, without anyone being the wiser or even questioning it. In other ways it could very well be their down fall. Because, you know, Hotch and Rossi breathing in the same room as their secret. 

If Penelope added up all the time she and Spencer had spent together before they had made this life altering decision and all the time they spend together now she thinks it would be pretty even. The main difference is that the time they spent together before was usually spent in the company of someone else and now it’s mostly spent alone. 

She wishes she had someone to bet with about when the rumors would start. 

Maybe she should call Emily. Or Tara. Or Kate. 

Luckily, they don’t end up having a case the day of Penelope's appointment so they don’t have to figure out what to say to Hotch beyond her dropping into his office and asking if she can leave early for a check up.

Of course he says yes. Though he does so with the look of someone who thinks there’s more to the story than what he’s being told. Of course that’s his normal state of being. 

She isn’t there for infertility but she still has to complete an intake and due to her age they still want her to undergo a full round of medications.  They take blood and do an ultrasound that is horribly uncomfortable.  It takes all she has not to pee in the middle of it. But when all is said and done, two hours later, the nurse sits her down and explains the medications, shows her how to inject herself with the hormones and she’s on her way.

It takes an hour and 55 minutes longer than doing this the old fashioned way would but when Penelope walks out of the doctors office she feels like a hundred pound weight has been removed from her shoulders. 

They’re really doing this.

CMCMCM

A big part of Spencer wishes he could go to the appointment with Penelope even though he understands that there would be nothing for him to do and that they should probably save the coincidental oops we made appointments for the same day stuff for the appointments where his physical presence is needed.

Still there’s a part of him that is terrified that Penelope is going to change her mind when faced with the reality of the situation. 

He continues to worry until she sends him a text message full of smiley faces.

That’s when he lets himself start planning, and if he’s honest, dreaming.

CMCMCM

“So you know how Dr Lacey made me get a therapist?  Well, I went to my first appointment earlier today.  She thinks we should have a plan,” Penelope starts out somewhat nervously.  The therapist hadn’t been unkind but she had brought up some things that Penelope had, either consciously or not, been avoiding. 

“Okay.  What kind of plan?” Spencer asks, nose still in the menu.  For a man that can read 20,000 words a minute he takes forever to order.

“Like where are we going to live? Are we going to live together?  Or apart?  What are we going to do for childcare? When are we going to tell the team? Where does the financial responsibility lay? How are we going to discipline our child?  Which Doctor are we going to start him or her off with.  Stuff like that,” She lists off all the things that have been worrying her since the appointment.

“Well, obviously I think we should start with Classic Who, 4 most likely to give him or her a proper appreciation,” He’s looking up from the menu now, not quite staring at her though she gets the impression she’s being profiled.  And if anyone in the world knows when they’re being profiled it’s Penelope Garcia.

Then he sort of nods to himself and continues, “I mean assuming that you don’t actually want to raise our child in Rossi’s house?  It would probably make things easier if we were to get a place together.  At least the first few years of their life.  It would also most likely help if we were to do that before the baby is born so that we have routines in place.  That way we could split the responsibilities. And,” He clears his throat.

“And?” She prompts.

“And I like the idea.  If we’re doing this together, we should be doing this together you know?  I mean if you aren’t comfortable living with me then that’s fine.  It would be best to start off living separately if that’s the case though so that the child won’t have to deal with me moving out later.”

He always finds ways to make her heart break.  She reaches out and grabs his hand across the table.

“No I don’t want to raise our kid in Rossi’s house. It would make it easier to share him or her if we lived together. But you’re right, whatever we choose we need to be sure.  Maybe we could beta test living together and make the decision before we have our bundle of joy,” She suggests.

“So I guess we’re looking for a place then?” Spencer smiles, turning his hand over in hers.

“Guess so,” Why is she so nervous?  It’s just Spencer.  The same guy she’s known for over a decade.  The guy that she watches Doctor Who with. The one that buys mints when he goes to the candy store because he knows she likes them.  The guy who baby she’s trying to have.  No big deal.

“As far as childcare, when the time comes we could always talk to JJ and Will about sharing a nanny.  If they aren’t on board we could hire someone.  I don’t really like the idea of daycare just because of the security issues it raises but I want our child to be properly socialized.  Especially with kids their own age,” He clears his throat.

“As for telling the team I would prefer keeping it between us until we know for sure that it’s going to work out.  Otherwise they’ll just you know, be themselves.  We should probably sit down and talk about the money at some point.  Especially if we’re buying a house. We’ll work it out,” He keeps going.

As she’s listening to him talk Penelope gets the distinct impression that he’s already thought about all of this and then says as much.  He blushes.

“I’ve sort of been thinking it for a while.  But I know you didn’t want to talk details until there were details to talk about,” He looks down at the menu again.

She nods, feeling a bit better and says, “Alright so where do we want to live?”

CMCMCM

Penelope is astoundingly bad at secret keeping.  Spencer knew that going in of course, but there’s something about watching it in action.  Especially when it relates to a secret that they share, one that he really doesn’t want to get out.  At least not yet.  

Her method of secret keeping seems to be simply staying away from people with whom she might spill the secret whenever possible.  Which might work anywhere else, with anyone else.  But her best friend is Derek Morgan and she’s been meeting JJ for brunch every Sunday the team is in town for the past 4 years. That’s not even mentioning the fact that she lives with Rossi and you know, that Hotch exists.  Sometimes even in her general proximity.

Though he has to say that when it isn’t possible to stay away from them or else she simply doesn’t want to, she does pretty well at redirecting the conversation.  

It’s not even that Spencer is afraid of what the team will say.  Because he isn’t.  They’ll be happy for the two of them.  There might be questions and at some point Hotch will probably want to talk to him about how it all plays out logistically. Ultimately, though, he expects a lot of hugs and maybe some tears.  

And for that matter it isn’t that Spencer thinks the team will talk Penelope out of this because it’s on her mind now and he knows better than most people that once her mind is set on something no one can change it. Not him, not Hotch, not even Derek Morgan.

It’s just private.  It’s personal.  And if nothing happens, if they don’t conceive or if she does change her mind, then at least they won’t have to deal with the pitying looks.

Even so he thinks he should probably talk to Penelope at some point.  It might even help if the team knew what was going on.

Well it might help her at least and that might make it worth it for him.

CMCMCM

The next few weeks pass quickly. Maybe even too quickly for Penelope. The team has back to back cases which is both a blessing and curse.  A blessing because it means that no one is there to notice that she’s skipping out from time to time to go to appointments and do injections and a curse because, well that means people are dying and also that she’s left to deal alone a lot of the time.  

“Alright, what’s wrong?” Spencer asks when he corners her in her office.  She decides not to kill him because he has a bag in his hand that smells delicious.

“Gimme!” She reaches for it but he holds it out of her reach.

“You can have it after you tell me what’s wrong.  Did you change your mind?  Is there some reason we can’t,” He looks so sad that she breaks.

“No.  No. Nothing like that.  It’s just that IVF is no joke you know? It’s hard on my body and my spirit.  And I know it’ll be worth it in the end. I do.”

“But?”

“But what if you get called off on a case when it’s time?  I mean they can freeze it but that just seems weird and I want you there when they harvest my eggs and implant them and if you aren’t does that mean I have to go through all of this again?”

He has the gall to look relieved and she can’t stop herself, she hits him in the sternum and grabs the bag of pastry goodness out of his hands.

“Penelope I’ll just tell Hotch that I need to sit one out,” He says it like it the easiest thing in the world.

“But won’t he be suspicious?” She asks with a blueberry falling out of her mouth.  Oh well, he’s already decided to have genius babies with her.

“Probably.  But I can make something up.   He’ll give me the time if I ask for it.  And if it comes down to it we’ll just tell him the truth.  He won’t tell anyone else,” He shrugs it off.

Why does he make everything sound so simple?

“Seriously?  You’d have the whole team worrying about you and all up in your business?” It might be the inorganic hormones talking but that really gets her.

“Of course.  This is important. And I’m not having you go through it alone,” He says with a strain of emotion in his voice that tells her he’s being incredibly honest.

Somehow she feels better. So she hugs him. He's getting better at it.

CMCMCM

The simple fact is that whether there was a case or not they were going to need a damn good cover story.  In fact a case actually might make things easier.  

As it is there is no case and they have to find a way to get both of them out of the office at the same time.  For the rest of the day since Penelope's going to have to go under general anesthesia and she can’t be alone afterward.  They’re also going to have to find a way to get her from the doctor’s office home since she can’t drive.  Oh and they have to find a way to hide it all from Rossi who she lives with.  Piece of cake.  

For a moment she wishes for a serial killer and then immediately feels bad about it. The last thing she wants is her child being conceived while she’s wishing for a serial killer.  The universe just loves stuff like that.

“So have you decided what you’re saying yet?” Penelope asks in a harsh whisper even though they’re in her office alone with the door closed.

“Oh,” Spencer shrugs like it’s nothing, “I already told Hotch yesterday that I needed to leave early today.  Said I had to deal with some stuff for mom.”

She gulps and nods, “Okay.  I put in a leave request last week for a doctor’s appointment.  He already approved it.  Maybe they won’t make the connection.”

“Penelope?  Are you okay?  You aren’t having second thoughts are you?  I mean it isn’t too late.” Spencer says nervously, running his hands over her desk and refusing to look her in the eyes.

She takes a deep breath before answering, “I want to do this. I do. It’s just a lot. And I have to get put under general anesthesia which I hate and we still have to figure out how to handle Rossi tonight. But I do want this.  I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t.”

That seems to calm him a bit.

“Okay,” He nods, “I’ll be there, right in the next room. Doctor Lacey is doing the procedure herself and the chances of dying under general anesthesia are less than .0005%.  As far as Rossi we’ll just see how it goes. We may be able to get you home and in bed before he realizes.”

“And if we don’t?” She stares up at him.

“Well he’s going to have to find out sometime.”

That is true for all that it isn’t comforting.

CMCMCM

Getting out of the office without being interrogated or having Hotch take one look at them and go, “You two are about to go make a baby aren’t you?” Is surprisingly easy all things considered.

They leave together just before lunch and no one even gives them a second glance.

Penelope goes back quickly to be prepped while Spencer sits in the waiting room. Eventually they call for him and lead him to a private room where he makes his donation, using materials brought from home, quickly. He's then led to an office to meet the doctor.

CMCMCM

The procedure itself is sort of a blur. One minute they’re taking Penelope back and the next minute she’s in recovery. When she wakes up Spencer is in a chair off to the side reading a book.

“So which porno mag did they give you?” She can’t help but groggily ask.  

He doesn’t startle, just smiles at her completely innocently and says, “They had an interesting selection.”

“You went for BDSM didn’t you?” She actually feels pretty good.  The blush on his face helps.

“Actually I stayed pretty tame and just went with boobs,” He says completely straight faced and she can’t help but laugh.

“So?”  She asks after a moment of silence.

“It went well.  They were able to harvest 5 eggs. All in relatively good shape.  They’ll be ready in three days. You did great,” He’s smiling at her so she smiles back.  Then a thought hits her.

“Only 5?  I thought the doctor said we needed 6?”

“As long as the 5 harvested are viable it doesn’t matter,” He shrugs it off and as far as she can tell he doesn’t look worried so maybe he’s telling the truth.

“Oh. So we’re good?”

“We’re good.” He smiles at her like she’s the best thing in the world.  Oh yeah, he’s definitely telling the truth.

They end up taking a taxi back to Rossi’s because Spencer looks like the world is ending at the thought of her on the subway in her current state.

“You know once we’re preggers at least one of us should probably get a new car,” Penelope suggests once they’re safely inside the cab.

“Let’s worry about a house first then we'll worry about a car.  If nothing else I’ll just steal one from Derek or Rossi,” He says casually, putting an arm around her. It’s sweet even if she thinks it’s just because she keeps falling into him.

“Oh yeah?  You gonna hot wire it?” Somehow the image makes her smile. She can see a little blonde haired boy next to his father helping hot wire Uncle Derek’s prized car.  

“Of course,” He’s laughing and as carefree as she’s ever seen him.

Most of the ride passes like that, just the two of them making snide comments and him rubbing her shoulder. She never would have thought so but right here in this moment she can see it.  Her, Spencer, and a kid or two.  They could be a family.  An unconventional family, sure, but what fun is there in convention?

Spencer gets out first, going around the car to open her door but when he goes to pay they look up to see David Rossi opening his wallet.

Spencer’s got an arm around her, keeping her upright while Rossi pays for the absurdly expensive taxi ride and then as the driver leaves he levels them with a stare.

“Care to explain?” He asks with a raised eyebrow.

“I promise we will,” Spencer jumps in before she can start babbling, “Just help me get her inside first.”

Rossi looks over to Penelope, who is having some troubles and nods, walks around to her other side and somehow between the two of them they get her inside and to the couch, feet on the coffee table.

Then they face a scene eerily reminiscent of the conversation that started it all, Rossi sitting in the chair across of them and Spencer at her side on the couch.

“It’s nothing bad!” Penelope feels the need to yell and the big line in Rossi’s forehead disappears.

“Then why do you feel the need to hide it?” He doesn’t look mad so much as sad and confused.

“Penelope and I are having a baby.  Or well we’re trying to have a baby,” Spencer says in his rambly voice.

She’s expecting shock or something close to it. Instead Rossi just sighs and runs a hand over his face.

“IVF?” He asks and then at their confused looks he says, “Give me some credit.  I am quite good at my job.  I’d know if you two were sleeping together.”

She suspects it actually has more the do with the fact that she lives with him than his profiling ability but whatever.

Spencer nods and she can feel the tension in him, like a teakettle reaching boiling point.  He’s going to start rambling soon.

“Don’t worry, we aren’t planning have the baby here. I’ll be moving as soon as we find somewhere,” She says to ease the tension, patting Spencer’s thigh to try and calm him.

Rossi actually laughs at that, “I should hope so.  I thought that since I met Joy after she had had my grandson I wouldn’t have to deal with a daughter getting pregnant while living in my house.”

Penelope tears up at that, “Really?”

Dave sighs, “Look I love both of you dearly.  And you know I’ll love any child you decide to have more than life itself. Just promise me you’re doing this for the right reasons.”

“We are,” They both whisper. Spencer reaches out to grab her hand and she gives it a squeeze.

“We both really want to be parents.  We want to bring some awesomeness into the world,” Spencer says smiling at Penelope.

“Alright, that’s all I need to know.  Now what do you to want for dinner? I’m buying.  No alcohol for the two of you but I think I need a scotch.”

“Please don’t tell anyone. We aren’t ready for them to know yet,” Spencer asks as Dave gets up. 

“We will tell them. Once there’s something to tell.” She adds.

Dave nods, a small smile on his face and what she would swear were tears if it were anyone else.

CMCMCM

The team noticed it first in Spencer though they credited it to what had happened in Vegas.

It manifested itself differently than they thought it would though. They expected a bit of brooding until he picked someone to confide in. Maybe, given the nature of the problem, a bit of a regression and a tantrum. The kid has mostly grown out of them but he still hasn't really learned to deal with the monster under his bed that is William Reid.

They weren't entirely wrong. He did brood for a while. And he did eventually confide in JJ. But then he almost immediately got better, started smiling again, seemed happier. Well he seemed happier on the surface but there was a bit of worry buried there that Dave couldn't put his finger on.

For a while Derek seemed to think that the kid was dating again. But beyond a few text messages and the fact that everyone felt he was hiding something from them there was no evidence to support that theory. Spencer still went out with the team, he always seemed to have time on his hands, and he never once slipped up and spoke of anyone or anything that would suggest another secret girlfriend.

That's when they started noticing the changes in Penelope. She stopped having time for the team, missed brunches with JJ and movie nights with Derek neither of which were like her. Dave would be inclined to think that she were the one on a secret relationship except for the fact that Dave lives with her and he knows that she missed those things to sit at home. 

Then she started to disappear from the office. That's when Dave knew it was serious. Penelope would never risk her job or Aaron's disappointment in her if it weren't. 

Still they didn't put two and two or rather genius and genius together until Dave realized that he was feeding Spencer dinner for the fourth time in under a week. 

He mentioned it casually to Derek and within the hour both JJ and Aaron knew that whatever the two kids were involved in they were involved in together.

Amazingly that knowledge did nothing to help the team's anxiety.

Dave was pretty content to wait them out. He felt confident that when the time was right they would come to the team. Or that eventually Penelope would spill her guts. Even odds.

The only problem with that plan was well, the plan.  Because Derek and JJ were going a little bit crazy from it all, and they in turn were driving Aaron up the wall and Aaron was only two maybe three comments away from calling everyone into his office and handling it.  Which was not something anyone wanted.  

Basically it all added up to equal a big fucking problem if Dave didn’t take care of it.

So when they all watched the two geniuses get in the elevator for appointments that just so happened to be scheduled simultaneously Dave decided it was time.

Watching them get out of the cab, Spencer being so careful with Penelope who’s obviously loopy is something of a punch to the gut.  Dave hadn't seen this coming, had genuinely thought that whatever they were doing was happy though maybe a bit embarrassing, but now all Dave can see is Carolyn.  How she looked those last few times he saw her alive.

As he helps them into the house, putting Penelope on the couch he can’t think anything other than, “God please help us. We can't lose her.”

The truth is a welcomed surprise, though it’s perhaps less of a shock than it should be.  Dave feels like an idiot for not seeing it, even though he didn’t think they would ever act on it. Because the fact remains that he had heard them talking that night after the team got back from AL.  He knew the thought was there.

He wants to tell them they’re too young but hell Spencer’s 36 and Penelope’s 38. They only seem young to him because they’re his kids but realistically they’re already older than he was when both of his children were born.  He wants to say that they aren’t ready, that they don’t know what they’re getting into.  But hell, no one knows what they’re getting into and that certainly isn’t going to stop them.  It never has before.

Dave watches the two of them, sees how Spencer almost unconsciously puts himself between the two of them, the way Penelope can barely hide her smile even though Spencer seems to think they’re going to get yelled at, sees the way she calms him down without saying a word.  

Okay, maybe they have given this the thought that it deserves.

But hell if he doesn’t feel like his teenage daughter just told him she got knocked up by the resident bad boy.  Only this isn’t the resident bad boy.  This is Spencer, the kid that Dave has thought of as his own for years and who would never pressure Penelope into anything.  And Penelope is no teenager, even if she is living in his house. No, this is a very adult Penelope who is capable of making her own decisions.

So he says his piece.  He really will love their child.  Then he double checks that they do, in fact, know what they’re doing because he knows that that’s what Aaron would want him to do.

And damn if Aaron isn’t going to kill him for letting this happen on his watch.  He needs a drink.

That night after Penelope is safely in bed and Spencer has left for the evening Dave sends off a few texts.  He lets Derek, JJ, and Aaron know that all is okay.  He doesn’t say much else because he doesn’t want to break their trust and also because this is the kind of thing that he wants to see play out naturally.  

Derek and JJ are both dubious.  Derek especially has a few questions that Dave can’t and won’t answer though he does seem relieved and accepting.  Aaron, though, takes him at his word. Eventually they all agree to back off for the time being.

Once that’s taken care of he tries to write but he can’t seem to get going so he shuts his word processor and Skype’s Joy.

Dave has only really met Kai a few times. He and Joy tend to talk or Skype long after the kid has gone to bed.  But for some reason when she accepts the call she’s got him in her arms.  

Dave’s always been a big believer in signs.  And this one makes him smile and takes a huge weight off his shoulders.

How did he ever get so lucky?


	3. Chapter 3

The day Penelope’s due to have the eggs implanted the team catches a case.  It’s all she can do not to spill the beans right there in Hotch’s office and beg him not to take it.  But even she, a mere mortal, can see that the team is desperately needed.  Immediately.  

So on the way to the roundtable room she works herself up, convinces herself that it’s not an invasive procedure. She isn’t even going under this time.  

She can do this alone. 

She is going to be someone’s mother.  

She can do this.

Spencer doesn’t even blink. He reads the case file, offers insights, and doesn’t make eye contact with her anymore than normal.  But then, just before Hotch says wheels up Spencer jumps in and says, “Actually I’d like to stay behind and have the bomb fragments sent here for analysis.”

Hotch looks suspicious and Penelope can’t blame him but Dave jumps to their rescue and says, “Actually that’s a good idea.  It might take some time.  Easier to work here without distractions. Good thinking.”

It’s utterly amazing, both the way he doesn’t even look like he’s jumping to their defense and the way Hotch just backs off, nods and accepts it.

Getting the eggs implanted really isn’t all that bad.  It’s weird that Spencer is in the room while the doctor has a hand in her vagina but whatever.  He stays near her head and keeps his eyes on hers.  It would be weirder if the father of the baby wasn’t in the same room as she is when they were conceived.

Afterward, they go right back to the office where she sits with her feet up and Spencer goes out and buys her a milkshake in apology for all the hormone shots she now has to take in the ass.

CMCMCM

Dave really, really, really hopes the kids appreciate what he’s doing for them.  Because without Spencer there he spends the next three days fielding questions about the two of them. And glaring until everyone, excluding Aaron, backs down.

CMCMCM

As soon as the team is finished debriefing Hotch pulls them into his office.

The first few seconds after the door closes Hotch just sort of stares at them.  Not even a full fledged Hotch stare.  Just a regular stare.  They hold out for an admirable 5 seconds before they simultaneously start babbling.

“Stop!” Hotch says sternly though not loudly. “Reid?” He asks first, if Penelope has to guess because he’s in the most trouble.

She reaches out to grab his hand as he says, “We’re trying to have a baby.”

Hotch sits down.

“Please don’t be mad sir. We’re doing IVF. I had my eggs harvested a few days ago and we had to get them implanted or we wasted all that work. And you know how I hate wasted work.”

Spencer keeps a hold of her hand while Hotch collects his thoughts.

“I’m not mad Penelope. I wish you would have told me so that I could have helped you.  But I’m not mad,” She gets the feeling she’s being profiled again. Hotch’s eyes land on their joined hands.  So she very slowly lets go. Once they’ve done so Hotch looks them in the eyes and says, “Well, congratulations to the both of you. If you ever need anything all you have to do is ask.”

“Thank you sir!” She says almost crying.

“Yeah, thanks Hotch,” Spencer seconds shyly.

“Just answer me one thing.  Why?” Hotch asks.  He’s looking at them intently but not unkindly.

“Because we wanted to bring some awesomeness to the world,” Spencer answers simply and Penelope nods excitedly.

“That’s right sir.  We just feel like it’s time.  We’re ready to be parents.  And we want to do this together.”

Hotch allows a rare smile and Penelope is pretty sure her eyes are bugging out of her head.

“Well, my door is always open.”

As they’re leaving she looks up to Spencer and says, “Did you see that?  He just smiled!”

Spencer laughs and says, “He does that from time to time but I don’t think we should tell anyone.”

CMCMCM

As soon as the elevator shuts with the kids inside it Dave appears in Aaron’s doorway with a bottle of scotch in his hand.

“I know I shouldn’t have this here.  But I thought you might need it,” He walks in and closes the door.

“A baby Dave?” Aaron asks.

Dave huffs out a laugh and says, “I had the same thought.  But I think they really want this.  And they are adults.”

“Sure.  Adults,” Aaron nods at himself and Dave smiles.

“I don’t know if you realized but there were 36 candles on his last birthday cake and Penelope is actually two years older than he is?” Dave asks while he pours two glasses.

“He’s the same age I was when Jack was born,” He realizes, suddenly feeling old.

Dave raises his eyebrows like he knows exactly what Aaron is thinking.

“They’ll make good parents,” He says mostly to himself.

“They will.  Penelope was born to be someone’s mother,” Dave says after he takes another drink.

“Have you seen Reid with the boys lately?” Aaron smiles to himself, “They’ll be fine.”

“Then what’s bugging you?” Dave, ever the profiler, asks.

“How is this going to work?” Aaron asks quietly.

“Well I assume that now that the egg is implanted it’ll be like any other pregnancy.  And you know how those work,” Dave answers, the asshole.

Aaron glares at him but he doesn’t flinch.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.  How are they going to work and raise children?” It’s a legitimate question.  Being both a profiler and a parent is difficult.  But two members of the team sharing a child?  That’s almost unworkable.

“Again, I assume that they’ll do so the normal way.  They’ll put the kid in daycare or hire a nanny,” Dave answers easily but Aaron can’t see it.

“Can you see Garcia or Reid being okay with putting their child in daycare for hours a day?” He asks because he just can’t see Garcia being okay with leaving her child for hours at a time or Reid happily dropping his children off with strangers.

“So they hire a nanny then.  What’s really going on here?” Dave’s staring at him like he knows there more to this and Aaron knows he could hold him off but he isn’t sure he wants to.

“Dave, I have help.  I have Jessica.  Without her I would never be able to keep Jack safe, happy, and healthy, and do this job.  JJ has both Will and a nanny.  She’s got her mother less than 3 hours away if anything happens.  Who does Garcia have?  Who does Reid have?  When the team is on a case Garcia won’t have help.”

There’s a picture forming in his head. One that he doesn’t like.

“Aaron,” Dave pauses, “They have us.  All of us.  Sure we might have to do a little more for them to make this work than we do for you or JJ.  We might have to leave her here on cases where we might rather have her in the field. But we’ll deal. And it’s not like she’s with us on every case anyway. Plus, if it comes down to it do you really think Savannah and Will wouldn’t step in to help out?” Dave reasons.

“I suppose you’re right.”

“Damn right I am.  Besides have you even talked to them about logistics yet?” Dave asks making Aaron feel foolish.  They might have a plan.

“No but I suppose we should if they are pregnant.”

CMCMCM

Waiting two weeks to find out if she’s pregnant qualifies as torture for Penelope.  Especially now that Dave and Hotch know about everything.

She really had hoped to wait to tell them, until you know, there was something to tell. 

Even so, having the three of them dote on her isn't half bad.

She spends most of her time with her feet up being handed milkshakes, smoothies, tea or pastries. Even Hotch has taken to bringing her lunch. Which of course has the added bonus of meaning he actually has to go to lunch. Dave cooks even more than normal and doesn't give her any lip about using tofu instead of meat. Though she can see in his eyes that he wants to.

Perhaps best of all though is when Spencer pulls her aside and shows her the parenting book that Hotch left his desk. Seriously, she can't hold back her tears.

CMCMCM

On the flip side, she also has to spend at least part of that two weeks injecting inorganic hormones in her ass. Which shouldn't be too difficult considering that she's been injecting her self with hormones for weeks. No the problem comes with trying to reach her own ass. Most people have a friend or partner do it. But the only people Penelope has that are in on this are Spencer, Dave and Hotch and the thought of asking any of them to help with this is….well she would need a video camera.

She does fine the first few days.  It’s awkward but doable. Then she gets a little careless, forgets that the team is in DC and leaves her door unlocked. 

“What the hell?” JJ asks and immediately shuts the door, checking to make sure no one saw.

“It’s not what you think,” She yells, pushing her dress down but still yielding the syringe.

“Garcia?” JJ asks, eyes as big as saucers and completely terrified.

“It’s just that I have to do every day and I forgot the team was here and it’s hard to do it in the bathroom you know?  Plus there’s actually a bigger chance of getting caught there.  At least according to Spencer.  JJ? Please talk to me?”

JJ takes a minute to catch her breath, “What?”

“Please don’t be mad,” Is the only thing in her head.

“Why would I be mad Garcia?” JJ seems to soften, though she’s no less terrified looking.

“Because I didn’t tell you that Reid and I were trying to have a baby?” She asks more than tells.

JJ grabs the table, “You and Reid are what?”

“Trying to have a baby.  JJ do you need to sit down?”

“A baby?  You and Spence?” She’s looking directly into Penelope’s eyes.

“Yeah.  We started IVF about a month ago,” She shifts trying to stop JJ from staring at her.

“You and Spence are going to have a baby?” JJ asks again still holding the table.

“JJ are you sure you don’t need to sit down?”

“Garcia?  You’re pregnant?” At least the terror’s gone.  She’s actually starting to look hopeful.

“Well maybe.  I’m not sure yet.  That’s why I have to take the shots.  Oh God the shot.  I still have to take it.”

JJ shakes her head, grabs Penelope and hugs her for all she’s worth.

“I’m so happy for you guys,” JJ wipes a tear from her eye.

“Thank you,” And then Penelope’s crying too.

It takes them a few minutes to get things under control but then Penelope’s telling her everything and JJ’s listening with smile.  

“Oh God, the shot.  It’s not too late is it?” JJ asks an hour later.

“No but I need to right now.”

“Okay, um do you need some help?” JJ asks hesitantly but as awkward as it is Penelope was in the room when both of JJ’s children were born. She owes her.

“Do you mind?” She asks, handing JJ the syringe and lifting her dress back up.  

Which is exactly when Derek walks in and then immediately walks back out.

They go ahead and finish before Penelope freaks out.  JJ grabs her and gives her another hug saying, “He’ll be fine.  You just have to explain it to him.” She pauses, “You might wanna get Spence to help.”

Penelope nods frantically and then goes in search of Spencer.

When she finds him he’s at the coffee pot adding sugar.  She grabs him by the arm and drags him the corner.

“JJ knows.”

Spencer stares at her and then says, “About the mole people?” So seriously that she whacks him in the chest.

“No about the mini mole person!” She whisper yells.

“Okay, what happened?” He sobers.

“JJ walked in on me, taking my medicine, and I explained and then she offered to help and then Derek walked in on her helping me take my medicine.  And oh God what are we gonna do.  He’s gonna be so mad.”

“Okay.  We’ll just find Derek and explain.  It’ll be okay Penelope,” He’s strangely calm.

She nods quickly even though she doesn’t believe it.  

“You don’t understand.  I don’t keep things from Derek.  Ever.  I think the only person who knows my menstrual cycle better than you do is him!”

Spencer starts to laugh at her but apparently he really is a genius profiler because he stops himself.  “Penelope I’ve known you and Derek for well over a decade.”

“Okay then where is he?”

“We’ll find him. We’ll explain and it’ll all be okay.”

They do find him, at his desk in his office exactly where he should be. After an hour of checking everywhere else.

“Let me go in first,” Spencer says. Penelope nods and stands at the door listening.

“Hey Reid, what’s up?” Derek sounds strained although he does a good job of hiding it.

“Penelope says you saw something in her office earlier,” He sounds much more serious now than he did earlier.

Derek sighs, “Baby Girl get your butt on in here.”

She shuffles in and looks between Spencer and Derek.

“Close the door,” He orders.

She does.

Derek’s sitting at his desk, leaned back in his chair rubbing his face. “I just have one question.”

He waits for her to nod before asking, “How bad is it?”

Penelope looks to Spencer and then back to Derek, “How bad is what?”

“You’re sick right? That’s why you need injections?  Why you’ve been acting so weird lately?  I mean Rossi said that it wasn’t bad but how good can it be?” He just looks so sad.

She instantly feels horrible, and runs around his desk to pull him into a hug, “Oh no. No, no, no.  I’m not sick Chocolate Thunder.  Far from it.  This is happy news.”

Derek pulls back, puts his hands on her shoulders and asks, “Happy news?”

“Well we certainly hope so anyways,” She smiles at him, tears welling in her eyes.

Derek and Penelope both look over to Spencer who shrugs and says, “We’re trying to have a baby.”

Derek’s hands drop to his sides, “A baby?  Like a little human being.  Like Michael.  Like Henry and Jack used to be?” He looks between them and waves a finger, “You two?”

Spencer shrugs again and smiles, “We hope so.  We find out next week if it worked.”

“If what worked?” Derek asks still looking struck.

“The IVF.  I got inseminated with G-Man’s sperm,” She resolutely does not blush.

Derek spends a few minutes looking between them.  Enough time for Penelope to make her way back to Spencer and whisper, “Is he okay?”

Spencer glances at her and turns his full attention back to Derek, “I think so.  Just give him a minute.”

“Are you sure?” Derek finally chokes out.

“About what?” Penelope asks.

“That you want to do this?” He’s looking between them pretty evenly.

She and Spencer glance at each other again and he nods at her to answer the question.  She turns back to Derek and looks him straight in the eyes.  She and Derek have always had a special connection and it pays off in that moment because she knows exactly what she’s seeing in his eyes.  

Terror.  

The overprotective big brother in him is screaming that two of the people he loves most in this world might have just made a huge mistake without him even noticing and there’s nothing he can do to save them if it goes wrong.

“Yes Derek.  We’re sure. We want to be parents.  We both want to be parents.  We want to bring happiness and joy into the world.  We want a baby.  And Derek, love, I promise we know exactly what we’re doing,” She says, reaching a hand out to him, and okay she might be lying just a little.  She has no idea what she’s doing.  But at least she knows that much.

He sighs and closes his eyes, holds her hand and gives it a squeeze before saying, “Pretty boy?”

Spencer just sighs.  Penelope is sure that he’s going to give Derek the same answer they gave Hotch and Dave but instead Spencer just bites his lip and says, “Derek, while I was on AL I went to see my mom and...yeah.  You already know what happened.  It’s just, I was reminded of what it’s like to have a family.  Not that the team isn’t my family but you know like Mom, Dad and kids.  I want that at least one more time in my life.  And I feel like if I wait too long...”

Derek puts a hand up, “I get it man.”

Spencer nods gratefully. His hands are in his pockets.  He looks eerily like that 21 year old boy who walked into the BAU and a glance to Derek says that he sees it too.

“Alright.  Alright fine,” Derek stands up and starts grabbing his things.  When they don’t move he says, “You coming or not?”

“What?” Spencer looks up.

“Back to Rossi’s place.  Looks like I’m buying a celebratory dinner and then we can Skype Mama.”

“Skype?  Derek Morgan what are you talking about?” Penelope shakes herself.

“What?” Derek stops at the door, the both them following, “You didn’t think I was gonna tell her alone did you?  If she’s going to have grandbabies to spoil she has a right to know.”

With that he turns around and walks out leaving Spencer and Penelope to run after him.

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“We can get dinner.  But do you mind waiting for the celebration part?” Penelope asks from the passenger seat.

Derek looks over at her and then back at Spencer who shrugs before asking, “If that’s what you want Baby Girl.  But why?”

“You’re both going to laugh at me,” She half warns, half sighs, putting her head against the window. “But I don’t want to jinx it.  If we start celebrating before we’ve really got anything to celebrate...I mean it’s bad enough that we’ve started telling people before there’s really anything to tell.”

Derek looks ready to say something but Spencer jumps in first, “Is that why you didn’t want to talk logistics before we saw the doctor?”

There’s a feeling of embarrassment growing in her that she hates. She made a promise to herself a long time ago that she wouldn’t be embarrassed about her beliefs. But strangely enough, when she swallows and turns to look at the two of them neither of them are laughing or even smiling like it’s a joke. Not that they’ve ever been cruel in the past but Derek especially has always had a problem taking things like that seriously.

“Maybe?  It just feels like tempting fate you know?  Counting the eggs before they’re hatched. Literally,” She pauses as Spence lets out a little laugh and Derek smiles, “I know what you’re both thinking but it’s just the way I feel.”

“Penelope,” Spencer reaches forward a hand to her shoulder, “If you want to wait.  We’ll wait.  I never tried to push you did I? So why would I start now?”

She puts her hand on his and squeezes, “No I know.  You haven’t.  It’s just that everything feels a little crazy right now and I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?” Spencer asks hesitantly.

“What if it doesn’t work?  Does that mean we aren’t supposed to parents?  What if it does work?  What comes next? Can we really do this?” She crying now and she can’t stop.

“Derek pull over,” Spencer orders.

Derek’s looking a bit gobsmacked but nods, “Alright kid.”

Once they’ve pulled over, into a restaurant parking lot if she’s right, the guys get out of the car.  Where Derek had seemed uncertain for all of an instant he now knows exactly what he’s doing.  

Spencer opens her door as Derek walks up.  She unbuckles her seatbelt and turns to face them. Spencer grabs one hand, Derek the other and they gently pull her from the car.

Spencer pulls her straight to him, still holding her hand and says, “If it doesn’t work we’ll try again.  As many times as you’re willing.”

“But it’s so expensive..” She starts.

“Penelope I wasn’t kidding.  If I have to spend every weekend off in Vegas I’ll find a way to get the money.”

“Or you could just ask Rossi,” Derek throws in, “You really think he wouldn’t help you do whatever it takes to give him another grandkid?”

They all share a small laugh at that.  Because of course he would.

“And if it does work?” She asks tentatively.

Derek reaches out and pulls both of them into a hug, “When it works, you two end up having a beautiful, highly intelligent genius kid that will someday rule the world. And who might even be able to make Hotch smile.”

Penelope and Spencer both laugh. When Derek makes a noise of curiosity Penelope pulls back long enough to look him in the eyes and say, “That’s not to mention wrapping you around his or her fingers right?”

“What?  I know I’m no tough guy.  Especially not when it involves a kid belonging to one of the two of you.  But a kid that’s both of you?  Forget it,” He pulls back, puts a hand on his heart and looks up, “Heaven help me cause I’m done for!”

They all laugh and Spencer takes the chance to pull Penelope in and say, “We can do this.”

It’s not enough to alleviate her fears entirely.  She doubts anything will until her appointment next week, but it does help.  Spencer knows everything and if he thinks they can do it then they can.  Of course it doesn’t hurt that Derek’s standing next to them grinning like a madman, that Dave and JJ are so clearly behind them and that Hotch apparently has enough faith in them that he’s giving them parenting books. And well, if the team has this much faith then who is she to rain on their parade?

“Alright, alright.  Why don’t we grab something to eat?” Derek moves around to put an arm around her.

“Well I guess we are already standing in front of the place,” She concedes.

“You’re still paying right?  Cause we just spent everything in our savings accounts on IVF.”

“Of course Doll Face,” Derek says as he moves them closer to the door.

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It seems like after her break down, and Spencer’s handling of it Derek is more at peace with the situation.  He’s smiling easier, and he spends most of dinner laughing.  

She really should have known she was being profiled.

He waits until her guard is down, until Spencer’s guard is down, until their collective guard is down before he starts asking questions.

“So you gonna turn Rossi’s office into a nursery?” He asks after their food arrives.

Spencer, for his part doesn’t blink although Penelope can tell that he’s caught off guard, “Actually we were thinking of just using the walk in closet in his bedroom.”

Derek smiles, “So you’re moving then?”

Spencer gears up to answer but Penelope jumps in, “As soon as we know for sure we’re going to look for a place.”

“Together?” He asks lifting a piece of pancake to his mouth.

“We feel that it would be better for the child if we move in together before the birth…” Spencer starts. Penelope fully expects Derek to cut in but he doesn’t. He’s weirdly enthralled, nodding along and listening intently, asking questions where appropriate.

“Well, have you decided what kind of place you want?  It might be better to have a backyard.”

“We haven’t really gotten there yet,” Spencer says shyly.

Derek shrugs, “Well talk it over and let me know. Get a budget together and we can start looking.  I know a couple of places that need some work, but that would be good places to raise a kid,” Derek throws out.

“Really?  That would great,” It sort of breaks her heart that after this long Spencer still looks surprised when people offer to help him.

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When they get back to Dave’s place they find him in the kitchen.  He looks up and smiles at the three of them, “So I guess they told you?”

Derek puts an arm around Penelope, “Yeah.  Threw me for a loop.”

“You and me both,” Dave nods a wine glass at him.

Derek walks over to pour himself one while Spencer grabs her hand and pulls her upstairs.  She can hear Derek laughing just before he and Dave both yell, “The door stays open,” Up the stairs.

Spencer just rolls his eyes.

Once they get to relative privacy Spencer asks, “Are you okay?”

It throws her, “Yeah why wouldn’t I be?”

He looks her up and down, “Today was kind of a shock.  First JJ, then Derek.  That’s not to mention talking to Hotch or David.  I know it’s a lot to handle.”

“Oh Spencer.  Yes it makes me nervous that everyone knows before there’s really anything to know but I’ve always done better with a big support network and it actually makes me feel better that we aren’t hiding anything.”

Spencer nods and looks at her earnestly, “I agree.  Kind of.  It’s just, we’re having this baby together and we’re going to be linked for the rest of our lives and I want you to know that you can come to me with anything.  Even if you feel like it’s dumb or weird.”

It almost, kind of, knocks the wind out of her.

“Are you sure you want all that?  I have a lot of emotions,” It’s been a problem in the past.

He grabs her hand and looks at her, “Yes. I’m sure.  You’re going to be the mother of my child Penelope.”

“Well alright then.  I’ll try,” It’s all she can promise really, “But I want the same from you.”

“I’ll do the same,” He promises.

They go back downstairs to find Derek, jacket off and starting on glass of wine number two.  Dave’s telling some story or another, waving around a spatula and working on a glass of his own. He stops when he sees them and says, “I’m guessing you three have already eaten?”

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t be adverse to some ice cream,” She says sheepishly.

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Sometime after dinner and a movie Dave retreats to his office to write and Derek begs off to his guest room.  Penelope thinks he might be researching houses or talking to his mom but she isn’t totally sure.

Which leaves Penelope on one end of the couch knitting and Spencer on the other side reading.

It’s quiet for all of five minutes while Spencer reads, right up until he pulls out another book and says, ‘Oh.”

Penelope startles at the sound and asks, “What?”

He moves closer, “Look at this.”

He puts the book it front of her, “Okay,” She says hesitantly, “It just looks like one of the books Hotch snuck into your desk.”

“No it is, but look.  The other two books were brand new.  He obviously had to have just bought them.  But this one is old.  It’s been read before.”

“So he bought it used?” She guesses.

“Maybe,” He shrugs, “But if he bought this one used why did he buy the other two new?  It’s far more likely that he already had this one.”

That’s when she gets it.  She pulls the book out of Spencer’s hands and closes it.  It’s nothing special really, just a standard parenting manual. She flips through it and finds a few passages highlighted and a few more underlined.  There are even a few notes in the margins. She would recognize that handwriting anywhere.

“That is so sweet!” She cries.

“Yeah it kind of is,” Spencer looks a bit shell shocked.

“Do you think that’s his way of giving his blessing?” She asks.

“That’s exactly what I think.”

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Later that night, after Spencer has retreated to his own room he gets a text message from JJ that just says, “Congrats.  I’m so happy for you. You’re going to be a fantastic father :)”

Well, he’s going to try anyway.  That’s more than could be said for his own father.


	4. Chapter 4

Spencer and Penelope always meet JJ for Sunday brunch when the team isn’t on a case.  It started after Henry was born although it didn’t get to the point that they met up every week until a few years ago.  

There was a time when Spencer thought of it as a novelty.  Though anymore it’s just routine.

Sometimes other people join them.  Derek and Savannah tend to show up more often than not.  Hotch and Dave usually have other plans but they make it when they can.

As much as Spencer likes when the whole team shows up he really enjoys the Sundays when it’s just the six of them.  JJ and Will on one side of the table, Spencer and Penelope on the other.  Michael in between JJ and Penelope and Henry in between himself and Will.

He had half expected that the whole team would show up this week in light of their news but when he walks into the restaurant it’s just the five of them waiting on him.

“Savannah’s working and Derek had a thing,” JJ explains after he sits down.

“Yeah, and Dave was out until 6am.  When I tried to wake him he just grunted,” Penelope says and laughs.

Once they’re settled in and have ordered Will smiles over at them and says, “So I hear congratulations are in order.”

“Um, maybe.  We won’t know if it worked until next week,” Penelope answers.

“Well, either way I’m happy for you.  Now you’ll get to know the wonder of 3 am feedings,” He raises his glass in their direction before taking a drink.

“Don’t scare them before they’re even pregnant,” JJ says with a laugh.

“Oh I think they’re made of tougher stuff than that,” Will sends a smile in their direction.

Spencer feels something tapping his arm and looks down to see Henry staring at him with big eyes, “Uncle Spence what are Mommy and Daddy talking about?”

JJ looks over to Penelope but she’s just starring at Spencer waiting for his response.  So she looks over and says, “Yeah Uncle Spence what are Mommy and Daddy talking about?”

Spencer doesn’t grace JJ with even a look before he leans in and says, “Your Aunt Penelope and I are thinking about having a baby.”

“Like baby Michael?”

“Exactly like baby Michael,” He nods.

“Oh,” Henry stops to think for a moment, “Would I have to help change your baby’s diapers too?  Cause they’re really stinky.”

The adults try to stop their laughter but Henry isn’t paying any attention to them.

“Well we might need your help.  But I’m sure we can find something else for you to do.  How are you at making bottles?” Spencer pretends to mull it over.

“I’m really good at it.  Michael really likes them,” He points across the table to his baby brother.

“Well then we might be able to save you from diaper duty.”

“That’s good cause I don’t think I can change two baby’s diapers at once,” Henry smiles with relief.

Spencer ignores the laughter from the rest of the table while he ruffles the little boys hair.  He can’t help but hope they have a child as amazing as Henry.

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Will leaves after brunch to go into work and Penelope follows shortly after. She claims that she needs to go make sure that Rossi is still breathing but JJ knows better.  After being out until 6 this morning Rossi won’t be waking for at least another hour and maybe not even then.

That leaves Spence to help her get the kids home.  

JJ knows several people, including perhaps the JJ of 10 years ago, who never would have thought that Spencer Reid would want children.  Never would have thought that he would have any clue of what to do with them.   

She’s not sure when she started questioning that assumption.  Maybe while she was pregnant with Henry and he spent all his free time reading about pregnancy and infants.  Maybe the first time she watched him hold Henry.  It might have been the first time he offered to change a diaper and did so with such focus and determination that you would think he was in a firefight.  

But if she’s being honest with herself it was probably the first time she left Henry with Spencer and Penelope.  She came home to Penelope in the kitchen.  She took one look at JJ and shushed her.  Then she grabbed her hand and pulled her into the living room to see Spence napping with her boy. Even in his sleep he was rubbing Henry’s back, cuddled up around him protectively.

Even so it was still something of a shock to actually hear Spence say the words.  She had thought she would die before hearing him admit that he wants a family.

Penelope is perhaps the greater shock.  JJ truly has doubted that Penelope wants children of her own at times.  She’s so content to be Aunt Penny, to be a member of the BAU family that JJ had wondered, from time to time, if Penelope would or did want kids.  

There’s something about it being the two of them though that JJ has to admit that she likes.  Mainly because, out of everyone save Henry and maybe Will, she knows exactly what it will look like to watch them raise a child.

She’s come home to it several times over the years.

The one thing that she has no doubt about is that this baby will be one of the luckiest, most well loved children on the planet.

They make it to the parking lot eventually, Spence with an armful of squirmy toddler and one hand holding Henry’s while JJ holds the other and carries the diaper bag. They pull Henry up to swing between the two of them and Spence looks over at Michael and says, “You’ll be big enough to do this soon.”

Yup luckiest kid in the world.

Now if she can just get Derek and Savannah going.

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Monday the team catches a case and they all go into work mode.  

It’s actually a relief for Penelope to be able to focus on something other than her upcoming doctor’s appointment.

It isn’t a particularly easy case.  Spree killers never are.  Though thankfully it doesn’t take them long to catch the guy. In fact, by Thursday Penelope’s meeting them at the elevator with pizza.

The team doesn’t necessarily forget what’s happening the next day but they are super tired.  So tired in fact that even Derek just gives her a hug, takes a slice of pizza, and moves on to his car without trying to get anyone to go out and celebrate.

It’s all the same really.  There will be time for talking tomorrow.

Sometime around two am Penelope realizes that she won’t be getting any sleep and decides to try some tea.  She can hear Dave moving around downstairs so she doesn’t bother to be quiet.

“How are you still awake?” She asks as she walks to the oven to grab the teakettle.

“Couldn’t sleep.  You?” He asks. There’s a notebook in front of him and three different colored pens so he must be working on case notes.

“Same.  I’m too keyed up about tomorrow I guess,” She shrugs and turns the faucet on.

“That’s right.  Tomorrow is the big day.  Nervous?” He closes the notebook and runs a hand over his face.

She shrugs, “I don’t know.  No.  Yes.  I don’t know.”

“Well not knowing what you feel is normal,” He reasons with a tired smile.

“It’s just I don’t want to be nervous.  I want to be excited.  But I’m scared as hell,” She admits.

Dave laughs, “I think any parent will tell you that that feeling is normal too.”

She nods and moves about making her tea before blurting, “This whole thing is so terrifying.”

“Not just for you,” Dave responds so softly that she’s not sure if she was meant to hear it.

“What do you mean?”

He startles a bit and then smiles at her, “I told Hotch once that I’m more committed to this team than I ever was to any of my ex-wives.  I wasn’t kidding. One day you were people that I was being forced to work with and the next you were my goddamn kids.”

“Really?” She asks hesitantly.  He’s trying to sound reassuring but she gets the feeling there’s more to it.

“You really think I would let just anyone move into my house Penelope?”

That’s a good point, she’s willing to concede.

“And when your children make big decisions like deciding to have children of their own it scares the living hell outta you,” He continues.

She sends him an uncertain smile as the teakettle screams. She wonders, off hand, if this has something to do with Joy or Kai but even as close as they’ve been since she moved in she’s not sure if she’s allowed to ask that.

So she’s hesitant when she asks, “Sir is everything okay?”

Dave looks startled for a moment and says, “Everything’s fine Penelope.  Why don’t you try to get some sleep.  Big day tomorrow.”

She nods as he gathers up his things and says goodnight.

She takes her tea back upstairs, and spends another hour tossing and turning before she finally gives in and calls Spencer.

He answers groggily and she immediately feels bad for waking him, “Sorry.  I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called.”

“Penelope it’s fine.  What’s wrong?” She can almost see him rubbing his eyes.

“I’m scared about tomorrow and I know it’s dumb but I can’t stop thinking about it,” She babbles.

“What do you feel?” Spencer asks quietly.

“What?”

“A lot of women, though not by any means all women, say that they can tell by the second week of pregnancy. Have you noticed any changes?”

She stops for a minute to think about the past couple of weeks, “I’ve been peeing more.  Not like, a lot more, but JJ mentioned that she’s been seeing me in the bathroom more often.”

“That’s good.  That’s a sign of pregnancy.  Anything else?”

She almost says no but then she reaches over to grab her tea and remembers, “My boobs have been really sensitive too.”

“That’s also a promising sign of pregnancy. See you most likely are. And tomorrow, or really in 12 hours, we’ll know for sure and we’ll plan from there. Either way.”

Neither of them say that both of those symptoms could just be the hormones they’ve been injecting her with.  They don’t want to jinx it.

CMCMCM

They don’t have to be in until 9:30 that morning because they got in so late the night before but Penelope is exhausted.  She’s yawning like crazy, her eyes are watering, and everyone looks really concerned.

Spencer, the jackass, on the other hand looks as well rested as ever despite the fact that they stayed up until 5 am talking.

JJ corners her in her office just before lunch asking, “Are you alright?  Nothing happened did it?”

Penelope stares at her and lays her head down, “I’m just tired.”

A giddy look dawns on JJ’s face.  She smiles and says, “Oh my goodness.  You really are pregnant.”

“What?” Penelope jumps up.

“Well, exhaustion is one of the first symptoms.  When I was pregnant with Michael I slept 12 hours a day.”

Penelope scoffs, “Well I wish I knew for sure that’s what this is, but I was up until 5 talking to the good doctor on the phone.”

JJ gives her a weird look, “But you’ve stayed up that late before without being this tired.”

Penelope shrugs, “If it’s all the same I’m going to try to get a nap in.  Cover for me with Hotch?”

“I’ll do my best.”

CMCMCM

The thing is, out of everyone except maybe Dave, JJ is the member of the team most able to ‘handle’ Hotch.  She’s also the only one here that knows how he acts with a pregnant co-worker.  So, figuring that Penelope will forgive her, the first thing JJ does when she closes Penelope’s door is go to Hotch’s office.

“Garcia’s taking a nap,” She announces as she walks in without knocking.

Hotch looks up from his paperwork and says, “Alright.”

“She might need a few hours. So if you could get everyone to leave her alone it would probably help,” She elaborates.

“Of course,” He says in a tone of voice that suggests that there’s something he’s worried about.  So she turns around and closes the door.

“What’s wrong?” She asks without preamble.  Hotch plays the game well but she knows that he hates beating around the bush.

He stares at her for a moment but she stares right back at him until he finally sighs and asks, “How do you think this is going to play out?”

“What?  The pregnancy?”

“No the aftermath.”

“Well I assume they’ll do what Will and I do.  They’ll hire a nanny to help out during the day.  Penelope will probably start going home at a reasonable hour.  We may need to get her set up a little better so she can work from home when we have cases that run late,” She says with a shrug.

“They aren’t you and Will,” Hotch answers.

“No.  They aren’t,” She responds suspiciously.

“They aren’t even me and Jessica.”

“What?” She starts only to have Hotch cut in.

“There are times when we need Penelope in the field.  What happens then?  We can’t put a playpen in the PD.  They don’t have a Will or a Jessica at home.”

“Hotch.  They do have a Will.  And I’ll have to speak to him first but I’m sure he would be willing to help.  They also have Savannah. And probably Morgan’s mom. Hell, if it came down to it they also have Kate and maybe Alex and Tara if she's in town. And if nothing else we do the best we can without her in the field.”

Hotch looks like he wants to say something else but he settles on, “Of course.”

“So what if we have to make a few extra concessions for them.  That’s what you do for family.  I sincerely doubt that either of them are planning on going anywhere,” She tries.  She knows she hits the nail on the head when she sees his shoulders lift half an inch.

Sometimes she forgets he’s just as terrified of abandonment as Spence is.  He’s just not as vocal about it.

“What does she need?” Hotch changes the subject and JJ decides to allow it.

“Right now I think she just needs sleep but she might appreciate more tea and ginger ale in the break room.”

“Of course,” Hotch answers, “Could you discreetly make it known that she isn’t to be bothered and could you possibly send Reid in?”

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“Shut the door,” Hotch instructs once Reid appears in his doorway.

Reid follows his order and then stands awkwardly, like he thinks he’s in trouble.  
“Relax, take a seat.  I just wanted to ask if you or Penelope need anything?”

There’s a part of Hotch that wants to ask if either of them is leaving, to just lay it out there and let the pieces fall where they may.  But he also understands, realistically, that there’s nothing to worry about in this moment.  They don’t even know if they’re having a baby and in spite of the fact that they are two of the most well thought out people he knows he also understands that they have no idea what they’re getting into.  

Hotch certainly didn’t know what he was getting into before Jack was born.

Reid seems to be giving his words some thought because he pauses before saying, “Do you think we could borrow one of the SUVs?  Penelope was really tired this morning and I don’t feel comfortable taking her on the metro like that if I don’t have to.”

“Of course.  I’ll arrange it,” Hotch nods and watches Reid squirm in his seat.  He almost smiles when he realizes that it reminds him of a very different Reid.  A pre-Tobias Hankel Reid.  Hotch remembers telling Gideon, all those years ago, that he felt he should be helping Reid to learn to deal with things emotionally.  He thinks now that even if he hasn’t done the best job of that Reid has still changed.  He’s a much more mature and confident person now than he was 10 years ago.

Mature enough now that he’s willing to face his own fear of driving for the safety and comfort of the probable mother of his children.  

“Actually why don’t I drive you?” He asks when he realizes a couple of things.  One, that he kind of misses that kid that trailed into his office behind Gideon 14 years ago. And two, that his thoughts from earlier don’t only extend to the job.  JJ and Dave were right.  Reid and Garcia are family, they need support and they don’t have anyone other than the team to give it to them.

Reid nods, relieved, “Would you?  I hate those things.”

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Spencer has to wake Penelope up for the appointment.  She really hadn’t meant to sleep that long but she’ll be eternally grateful that the team didn’t get a case in those few hours.

Unfortunately she’s busted because right behind Spencer is Hotch, staring at her with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Penelope are you ready?” Spencer asks crouched down in front of her.

She still feels groggy but she’s more alert now, “Of course.”

She grabs her things quickly, Spencer takes one of her bags and Hotch grabs the other.

“I’m driving you,” Hotch answers her silent question.

“Why?”

“Because I’m afraid to put you on the metro right now,” He puts a guiding hand on her lower back and okay maybe he has a point. She is pretty out of it.  

“Oh.  Sorry sir.  I know I shouldn’t be sleeping at work but I really needed it and…”

“Garcia, it’s alright.  We don’t have an active case and I can’t say that I’ve not done the same in the past. And I didn’t have the excuse of possibly being pregnant.”

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She tries to sleep some more on the way to the doctor's office but she can feel the anxiety building.  Though it would certainly be easier to sleep with Hotch driving than with Derek.

Hotch drops them at the front door with instructions to call when they’re finished. Spencer gives him an affirmative answer before opening the door for her.

Once she’s in the office things actually go rather quickly. They immediately take her back to draw blood and less than 20 anxious minutes later the medical assistant is calling them back to the exam room and telling them that Dr Lacey will be in soon.

They wait another five minutes or so, long enough for Spencer to read a book for the doctor to come in with a smile on her face.

“Well, it seems I have good news,” She says as she sits down.

Things are sort of a blur for the next few minutes.  Dr. Lacey keeps talking, and Spencer keeps nodding so she guesses he’s absorbing all the information for her.  At least she hopes he is because she sure isn’t.

She’s still in a bit of shock when Spencer stands and shakes Dr Lacey’s hands.  Never thought she would see the day. She stands to join them and unable to help herself she grabs Spencer and hugs him for all he’s worth.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.  Thank you so much,” Seems to be the only thing she’s capable of saying.

Walking to the elevator is like walking on a cloud. Everything’s good and nothing bad can happen.  

Spencer calls Hotch as they’re leaving the office and by time they get downstairs he’s waiting. Spencer opens the door for her and before she’s even in the seat she starts babbling.

“We’re preggers!  We’re going to have a little blonde headed genius baby!  And I’m going to teach them everything I know about hacking and between my brains and his our kid is going to be the most awesome thing in the whole fricking world!”

Hotch lets out an honest to goodness laugh and Spencer looks as happy as a unicorn taking a bath in a tub of glitter.

The ideas are beginning to swirl in head.  What the baby will look like, what color eyes they’ll have, how cute the team will be holding him or her. She starts to imagine rocking a little baby to sleep at night and what the nursery will look like.

She turns to Spencer in the backseat and says, “OMG do you know all the things we have to buy!  We need everything.  A crib and a playpen and bottles and diapers and pacifiers…”

“Penelope,” He interrupts, “We have nine months.  Let’s just take this one step at time okay?”

She nods enthusiastically, “Yeah, yeah, we can do that.”

Hotch just looks over at her and says, “Congratulations,” In such a sincere voice that she leans in to give him a kiss on the cheek.

She’s expecting it, she really is, but seeing everyone’s cars in Dave’s driveway makes her even happier. She practically runs to the house to tell them, only to be held back by her heels.  She considers taking them off but a side look at Spencer and Hotch tells her that may not be the best idea.

So she slows herself down and waits for Spencer. It is his moment too after all.

As soon as they’re in the door though, all bets are off and she screams, “We’re having a baby!”

There’s not even anyone in the living room, but they still hear her from the kitchen and soon enough Derek, JJ, Will, Henry, and Dave all file in wearing some sort of smile.

Derek gives her a big hug and then moves on to Spencer.  Dave gives them each a giant kiss on the cheek. Will gives her a hug and Spencer a clap on the shoulder. Then JJ walks up carrying Henry, who’s getting a bit big to be carried around and pulls Penelope into a threeway hug.

When they pull back Henry looks at her and asks, “So you and Uncle Spence did decide to have a little baby like Michael?”

“Yeah little man. But we’ll still love you just as much,” She reaches up to smooth his hair.

“Oh I know that,” Henry replies as nonchalantly as only as seven year old can, “I just hope it’s a boy.”

“Oh yeah, why is that?” JJ asks her son.

“Because girl’s have cooties Mommy.  Everyone knows that.  Sides, I don’t want any girl cousins.”

“Is that right? Well I’ll see what I can do,” Penelope answers while sharing a smirk with JJ.

“Why don’t you go talk to Uncle Spence?  I’m sure he’s got a magic trick for you,” JJ says putting Henry on his feet and patting his back.

The women stand back for a moment and watch Henry run full force into Spencer, launching himself on the man.  Spencer’s obviously caught off guard but he handles it well and doesn’t let Henry fall.

“Never thought I would see the day, but you two are going to be amazing parents.”

“You think so?” She asks not so much out of insecurity as fondness. Still watching Spencer smile at Henry.

“Are you kidding I’ve seen the way you two work together to take care of Henry and Michael. If you can handle my boys you can handle anything.”

“Speaking of your boys where is the little munchkin?”

“Upstairs.  It’s nap time.  He’ll be waking for room service shortly,” JJ laughs, “You okay?”

Penelope pulls her watery eyes away from her guys to say, “What?  Yeah I’m fine.  So totally fine. Today’s a happy day.  I’ll be terrified tomorrow.”

JJ laughs and wraps an arm around her while Dave walks around handing out wine glasses.

When he gets to her he gives her another kiss on the cheek and says, “Only cider for you kitten.”

With that he’s tapping a spoon against his own glass.

“May I have your attention please? We’re here for a celebration of life.  It’s not often we get to do this so we had better get it right, yeah?” Everyone laughs, “I never thought I would see this day but here we are celebrating the coming child of Penelope Garcia and Spencer Reid.  Whoa I never thought I say those words in that order.  To a wonderful life and good people..  Because you know this is going to be the smartest, kindest child to ever exist.”

“Hear hear!” Derek yells as they toast.

Things continue like that for a while. Eventually Jessica drops Jack off and he spends some time playing with Henry.

Sometime after six Dave decides that’s time for dinner and calls in for takeout. The adults move outside to the patio, Michael in his carrier next to JJ, and the boys spend some time running around and chasing one another.

Savannah shows up sometime after eight, looking exhausted and stealing Derek’s wine so they take the opportunity to start wheedling them.

“So, you’re next right?” JJ is the one that starts it, of course.

Savannah almost chokes on her wine and Derek’s so thrown that it takes him a moment to start patting her on the back.

“I think we’re still a little ways off,” She answers while Derek nods his head.

“Oh come on Derek, you’ve been taking it slow for years. I mean who would have ever thought that I would be a father before you?” Spencer jumps in and everyone laughs a little.

“Hey, hey now.  I’m happy bein’ Uncle Derek.  I’ll be there every Saturday we aren’t on a case to hang out.  Same way I do with Henry and Jack.  Same way I’ll do with Michael.  But Savannah and I, we aren’t there yet.”

Penelope can tell that JJ wants to say something else but she backs off.  Maybe because she doesn’t want to do it in front of the team but probably because she doesn’t want to do it in front of Savannah.

Eventually the kids are put to bed, later than normal because they’re celebrating, but still relatively early.  

Penelope stays downstairs for another hour or so talking and enjoying herself before the exhaustion sets back in.  By this point JJ and Will are snuggled on the couch, Dave’s in his favorite chair drinking a glass of wine, Derek and Savannah are headed to bed, and Hotch and Spencer are on the other end of the couch talking.  Penelope has no idea what they’re discussing but they’re both pretty animated about it.

She can’t stop her yawn, which turns out to be louder than she expects and ends with everyone looking at her.  

JJ gives her a knowing smile, “I hate to tell you this but it only gets worse from here. At least you don’t have morning sickness yet.”

Hotch’s brow furrows and he asks, “Was it hard for you to work long hours while you were pregnant?”

“Sometimes,” JJ shrugs.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Hotch asks.

“Because we still had a job to do,” JJ replies sensibly.

Hotch still looks a little troubled but let’s the topic go for now.

Penelope’s starting to lose the battle when Spencer’s hand appears in front of her and helps her up.  He trails closely behind her on the stairs, almost as if he’s afraid she’s going to fall and maybe she should find it annoying but she actually finds it pretty cute.  They both make their way through the hall to the kids room and crack the door to find Jack, Henry and Michael fast asleep.

“Do you think we’ll have a boy?” She whispers and Spencer shrugs.  

“I think we have a fifty percent chance of a boy, but I’m more interested in a healthy baby,” He responds and Penelope has to laugh.  It’s such a standard answer.

“Still it might be nice to have a girl around here,” He continues.  She leans into him and gives him a kiss on the cheek.

“I agree.  Now I think my body’s telling me that it’s time to go to bed.”

With that they slowly pull the door closed and move to separate for the night.

“Spencer,” She waits for him to turn to face her, “I just wanted to say that I’m really glad we’re doing this together.”

He gives her a shy smile, “Me too.  Good night Penelope.”


	5. Chapter 5

Nothing really changes all that much over the couple of months. The team goes on cases.  The team catches killers. Penelope does her job in assisting both them and the other BAU teams.  It’s all fairly normal.

Only her body is changing.  She can feel it even if she can’t see it just yet. She’s a little bloated and she can’t stand the smell of eggs without vomiting.  Her breasts are slightly tender and she gets tired more easily than ever.  

Still, it isn’t debilitating and she chooses to focus on the fact that it means that Dr Lacey wasn’t wrong.  There really is a little baby in there.

There are a number of changes in team though. It’s kind of funny really.

Derek hovers.  He swirls around trying to fix problems before they start.  He follows her to her office every day that he’s there and checks to make sure her seat is adjusted properly. He takes her and Spencer to lunch at least once a week.  He searches and searches for houses they might be interested in.  And perhaps best of all he gets morning sickness right along with her.

Dave has a new company come in and put better security on the house.  He says he’s been meaning too for ages but Penelope knows that isn’t true. He also goes out of his way to feed her, often buying a ton of things that he would never eat in the hopes that she can keep them down.  But best of all he makes sure that every morning he’s home there’s a cup of tea waiting for her.  

JJ is probably the most truly helpful.  She keeps crackers and ginger ale on hand and steals sick bags from the jet for Penelope to carry on her purse. And she answers every single one of Penelope’s questions honestly and openly no matter how embarrassing.

Every morning when Hotch texts her about possible cases he asks how she’s feeling, and when they actually meet to brief she always gets the feeling that he’s not so much profiling her as he is checking her over like a mama duck looking after a duckling.  And once, in the middle of a case he hears her yawn and tells her to go to home.  When she tells him she can’t because they might need her he gives her permission to sleep on the couch in his office.

Spencer though is utterly perfect.  He backs off when she tells him to and he never gets mad when she calls him at three in the morning because she can’t sleep. He also buys a lot of milkshakes.  That doesn’t hurt.

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Two weeks before the first ultrasound the team gets called out on a case. On the surface it doesn’t seem any worse than any other case.  But the routine ones are always the ones that go bad.

They’re hoping to wrap it up quickly but it doesn’t work out.  They end up losing six more people after they land.  They’re constantly chasing this guy and in the end Penelope is probably the only one that gets anywhere near enough sleep, clocking in at an average of 4 hours a night. And most of those were on the couch in Hotch’s office.

The day of the appointment comes without much fanfare and no team.  She gets a few messages asking for updates but she understands that they, Spencer in particular, can’t be there.

By the time she’s leaving the appointment, shocked and in complete awe she gets the call that Hotch has been shot in the arm. Derek assures her that Hotch is fine and that they got the guy. Penelope offers to get on a plane to Wisconsin to join them but Derek convinces her that they’ll be home before she would land.

So she waits.  She waits and she frets and she considers very seriously meeting them at the jet even though they have to come back to the office anyway there by making it a waste of resources.  

By the time she’s made the decision that the commute would be worth it the team is walking off the elevator looking pretty damn somber.

It occurs to her that she should pull out the sonogram pictures and show them.  Maybe put the video up in the roundtable room.  Looking at them she’s absolutely sure that they need it and that it, more than probably anything else will make them happy.  But she also knows that Spencer needs to see it first and preferably without the rest of the team gawking on.  So she settles for running up to Hotch and hugging him like he would never allow if she weren’t with child.

He stands there stiffly for a few moments until it becomes clear that she isn’t going to back off and then he pats her on the back a few times with the arm that isn’t in a sling. Somehow the sight of Hotch, normally so strong in a sling sets her off and the next thing she knows she’s sobbing into his chest. He looks utterly gobsmacked and glances around to Derek, Spencer, Dave, and JJ who all give him variations of a shrug and look on bewildered.

When it becomes clear to Hotch that no help is coming he says, “It’s just a graze Garcia.  I’m fine.  Really.”

She pulls back, tears still in her eyes and feels her mood shifting, “I’m mad at you. I’m mad at all of you.  You all put yourselves in danger.  So much danger. Why?”

This time Derek steps up and hesitantly says, “Baby girl, you know that’s our job right?  We do it so other people don’t have to.”

The thing is, it’s logical.  So very logical and she doesn’t want to hear logic right now.  So she huffs, grabs Spencer’s hand and drags him away.  She can hear Dave and Derek saying something about letting him handle this since it’s clearly his fault but she can’t really be bothered to say anything right then.  She’ll get them back later.

Once they’re in her office she shuts the door and locks it. Spencer looks fairly shocked.

“Penelope?  What’s going on?  Are you okay?”

“You need to see something,” She says without answering his question and walks over to her system.  He looks like he’s going to say something else when she presses play.  She quickly pushes him backward in a chair saying, “You’ll wanna be sitting down for this,” And then positions herself so she can see his face when he gets it.

It takes all of thirty seconds before he’s got his nose an inch away from her monitor and if it weren’t this important she would be chastising him for getting too close.  As it is she’s going to have to wipe it all down with disinfectant.

“Is that?” He asks quietly and she can’t help but smile at the look of wonder.  

“Yup,” She’s feeling giddy again, smiling and bouncing on her feet.

“Wait a second,” he says, and there it is. The recognition. “Is that?”

“Yup, that’s the heartbeat,” She point to a blob, “And that’s the other heartbeat,” She points to another blob.  She hadn’t exactly been sure what she was looking at in the doctor’s office but Dr Lacey had explained it to her. 

“Twins?” He asks suddenly staring at her.  First her face, then her stomach, and then her face again.

“Yes,” She’s hopping in place when Spencer stands up and hugs her for all she’s worth.

“I’m so glad you’re happy,” She keens at him.

“Happy?  I’ve never felt like this in my whole life.  Thank you so much Penelope,” He says earnestly and then she’s crying again.

“I’m sorry it’s just been emotionally trying day,” She mumbles into his chest.

To his credit he doesn’t laugh, just pats her on the back and holds her until she’s able to pull away.  When she does she can see that he’s got tears in his eyes and is fixated on the monitor that’s still playing the sonogram. She turns in his arms and they both watch it together for a few minutes.

Once it’s over she asks, “When do you wanna tell the team?”

“Whenever you want to,” He replies sounding a little awestruck.

“Let’s do it now,” She says.

“Really? Are you sure?” He smiles at her.

“Yeah.  Well, I mean after the briefing.  They already know we’re having a baby and we’re technically at 10 weeks anyways.  Besides the team could use some good news.”

“Well that’s true,” He agrees, “Besides I don’t think we’ll be able to hide it for long.”

It’s torture sitting through the briefing without grabbing the clicker and taking the whole thing over. She isn’t sure if the rest of the team are chalking her moodiness up to embarrassment or if they’ve connected it to Spencer’s bloodshot eyes and unwavering smile.

She rather hopes they’re chalking it up to embarrassment.

As soon as they’re finished discussing the case Penelope stands and says, “Sir I would just like to apologize for my behavior earlier.”

“That’s not necessary,” Hotch responds as he gathers his things.

“And I would also like to apologize for my actions now,” She continues as if he hadn’t spoken, “But you all need to see this.”

The reaction is fairly instantaneous. Pretty much everyone softens.

JJ’s the first to get it, her mouth widening into an O shape.  Hotch is a close second and she can literally see some of the weight lifting off his shoulders. Derek and Dave tie for third, Dave yelling, “Damn,” at the same time Derek yells, “What the hell?”

They’re all pretty shell shocked, and then suddenly four pairs of eyes are on her stomach.  It’s enough that she feels the need to put her hands over herself.

“Well I guess a three bedroom isn’t gonna cut it huh?” Derek asks, his voice a little strained.

“No, probably not,” Spencer answers, “At some point they’ll probably want their own rooms.”

“Well, I know a couple of properties that might work.  I’ll keep digging,” He says, more to himself she thinks than to her and Spencer.

“I assume that you found out today?” Hotch asks from behind her.

She turns shyly, “Yeah I was leaving the appointment when I found out you had been shot.  You aren’t mad are you?”

“Well, that explains your reaction I suppose,” He says still looking at the screen.  Then he looks at her and continues, “No, I’m not mad. I’m happy for you two or should I say four?”

“Thank you sir.”

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When they get in the car to go home Dave can’t help but say, “So two babies huh?”

Penelope’s still smiling when she responds, “Pretty crazy right?”

“Very,” He responds knowing that she’ll keep talking.

“It’s kind of amazing you know?  To think that there are literally two little people growing inside of me.  That soon Spencer and I will have two little genius’s to take care of.”

Dave can’t help but smile at her before he says, “Well I’m happy for you both.”

“I really really like being Aunt Penny you know?” She starts a few minutes later.

“What’s not to like?  You can hand them back to JJ and Hotch when they’re too much to handle.”

Penelope smiles at him, “I never really wanted kids.  After my parents died I decided that I didn’t want to take the chance on leaving someone the way they left me.”

She’s still smiling though it’s softer now, so Dave takes the chance to ask, “What changed?”

“I got targeted by a group of hit men.  I basically got locked in a room for 6 months.”

“Yeah,” Dave says softly.  It’s not something he likes to think about.

“But the thing is, out of all the bad stuff that happened while I was locked in that room I learned a lot.  I guess I just want something to go home to.  I didn’t even know what I wanted until Spencer asked but it makes so much sense you know?”

“Yeah I can see that,” He agrees.  As much as he loves the team, and he does love the team, adding Joy, her husband and Kai to his life has changed him in ways he didn’t know he was still capable of changing.

“But twins just makes it so much better,” She declares.

“How so?”

“Even if something happens to me, or me and Spencer, or heaven forbid to the whole damn team these babies will always have someone.  They’ll never be alone.”

Well hell. Does the whole damn team have abandonment issues?

They sit in silence for another few minutes before Penelope asks, “Sir?  Is everything okay with Joy?”

She’s hesitant, like she doesn’t think she should be asking but her empathetic nature is taking over.  

“I guess I just keep thinking about all that I missed. Both when her mother was pregnant with her and when she was having Kai. I should have been there.”

“Maybe,” Penelope nods. 

“Then again I understand why I wasn’t allowed to be.”

Garcia sits completely still, a hand on her stomach, and says, “Sir I know this might not help. In fact in probably won’t. But you can’t live in the past. It’s already happened. And I know that Spencer could probably build a time machine if he put his mind to it but the team needs him too much to let him dedicate himself to it and barring that there isn’t a way to go back. The best you can do is try to make peace with it, and enjoy what you have. You have a daughter and a grandson, both of whom came to you out of diapers. Focus on the miracle of that.”

“And it is a miracle,” Dave nods in her direction. 

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A few days later, after the euphoria has worn off and things are back to the new normal, JJ decides to take Spencer out to lunch. Penelope has already left for lunch with Derek so it seems like the right time.

"So things have been pretty crazy the past few months huh?" She asks to break the ice.

He looks sort of lost sitting across from her and it's rather worrying. He doesn't do this anymore. Still he half smiles at her words.

"That's one way to put it."

They make small talk for a while. She tells him about Henry's science fair project and how Michael's handling teething. They even talk about the article he's working on but nothing quite takes that slightly lost look out of his eyes.

"Is it hitting ya that you're about to be the father of two?" She goes for broke.

He startles a bit but at least he doesn't look lost anymore.

"You could say that."

"Spence," She tries.

"I never thought it would get this far you know?"

"You never thought what would..." She trails off.

"When I asked Penelope if she would have my children I hoped that she would say yes but I didn't really expect her to. Even then I figured that she would back out once she realized all that was involved..."

"In IVF?" She tries.

"Yeah. And in raising a child with me."

JJ blinks at the admission suddenly at a loss for words, "Spence you can't..."

"Can't what JJ? Can't think that of Penelope? Because I don't, not really. I know that she wouldn't do that to me. But," He stops.

"But?" She leads.

"But it is, was, going to be difficult. With our jobs and well me, and now it's going to be twice as hard. I just hope she doesn't regret her decision."

"Spence have you seen her the past few days? She's walking on cloud nine. I don't think there's much that could make her regret deciding to have these two babies with you."

He nods though she doesn't think she's really gotten through to him.

"You're scared aren't you?" She asks softly when he doesn't say anything. He just nods.

"It's okay to scared you know? We all are. It's a hallmark of parenthood."

"But what if," He pauses, "What if something goes wrong? Multiples are at greater risk of preterm labor, placental abruption, and growth restriction," He starts and JJ reaches across the table to put her hand on his.

"Spence, nothing is going to happen. Yes there are greater risks in Penelope's pregnancy than in other pregnancies but we'll deal. She'll go to the doctor more often and we'll make sure she rests. Has the doctor said anything?"

"No the doctor thinks it looks great," He admits.

"Then listen to her. If there was something to worry about she would tell you."

"It's just, I can't lose them."

"You won't," She says and she knows what's going through his head but she can't think of anything that will make the worry go away. 

"Right now just enjoy what you have," She tries.

He nods and looks at least marginally better.

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As they move into the last few weeks of her first trimester Derek and Spencer decide that they need a house like yesterday.  

Spencer approaches the search the way he approaches any search, by doing a ton of reading and having her compile a bunch of lists. Eventually they weedle it down to six properties that they both like and Spencer and Derek go to look at them.

Derek immediately rules three of the six out because they would either take too much work to be done before her due date or would be too much work period. They’re hoping to do most of it themselves to save money after all.

Of the three possibilities left there’s one that’s at the top of their price range which makes both of them nervous given how much work it would still need.  Which leaves them with two choices, one that she loves and one that she would be okay with, at least on paper.

Eventually, after they’ve spent two weeks looking at properties they invite her along.    
They walk her through the houses carefully, pointing out all the things she said she wanted from an open floor plan to hardwood floors and all the detail work that gives the house character. At which point she immediately falls in love with the more expensive house which is also the one that needs the most work. It’s perfect, it’s got an open first floor and a tiled fireplace in the living room.  It’s also only 3 blocks away from Derek and Savannah’s place and a mile from JJ and Will’s house which certainly helps it’s case.

She can see as soon as she says, “This is it.  This is where I want to raise our kids,” That Spencer agrees with her.  It’s scary really how easily she can see them all living there, the kids at the breakfast bar doing their homework and Spencer in the bay window reading while she knits on the couch. 

She can also see that Derek likes the idea, if the enormous smile on his face is anything to go by.

“Now all we have to do is get Hotch to move into the neighborhood,” She says with a laugh.

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A lot of things happen at once as she enters her second trimester.  The morning sickness goes away, as does the need to pee every 5 minutes, she gets her energy back in spades (seriously she could run a marathon) and she gains 30 pounds in 2 days.

Dave notices first, simply by virtue of living with her and being the first to see her in the morning. He tactfully keeps his mouth shut even though he isn’t fast enough to control his body language when she walks into the kitchen for her morning tea.

“Good morning,” He starts casually.

“Morning,” She responds without much enthusiasm.

“You know, all it would take is one phone call for us to have the morning off.  I could take the blame if you’d like,” He ventures carefully.

“What? Why would we do that?” She asks once she’s had a drink of tea.

“Well I was just thinking that you haven’t been out shopping in a while. It might be nice to get a couple of new things. You know, for the new you?” He’s being awfully careful and there’s a part of her that wants to dump her tea over his head and ask if he’s calling her fat. But he’s letting her live with him and she really should be more grateful for that.

“As nice as that sounds we’re saving everything for the house. No new clothes until it’s absolutely necessary,” She informs him. It’s a self imposed rule really.  They had decided to split everything 50/50.  She’s seen Spencer’s finances and she knows that for him coming up with half of the bills won’t be too difficult.  Of course, he got scholarships and never had to pay on student loans for a degree he never even got. So there’s that.

It’s not even that she can’t afford her half.  Because she can.  She’s got money in her savings; one of the very few good things about being held captive at the BAU was that she didn’t have to pay bills for six months and didn’t have the chance to waste all her income on shoes. Still, it’s all so expensive.  With what they paid for IVF in the first place, plus the house and the car that they’re going to need at some point, not to mention all the baby things twice over and the medical bills.  Well, it all just makes clothes seem a little frivolous.  Even to her.  

“How about we make it my treat?” Dave keeps trying. And hell never let it be said that Penelope Garcia has ever turned down someone’s kindness.

Dave does take it on himself to call Hotch, just like he promised but he does it when she isn’t in the room so she can’t be sure what was actually said.

When she does get upstairs to change she’s forced to admit, at least to herself that he might have a point. Most of her clothes are well not tight per say but form fitting. She likes them that way.  They fit her personality. But right now only 1 in 4 of them will even fit over her boobs and only half of those will zip.  Of the three dresses that leaves none of them actually look good.

So, against her best judgment she moves onto pants.  She doesn’t own a lot of pants, and in fact doesn’t own a single pair appropriate for work, but eventually she finds a pair that fits halfway well.

Dave drives her to the mall and she half expects him to hand her his platinum card and go sit at the food court like her dad used to do.  Well her dad used to hand her a twenty, not a platinum card but it’s the same idea. But instead he just nods and asks, “Where’s the maternity store?”

So she leads the way through the mall to Motherhood.

As soon as she walks in she wants to walk back out. She isn’t even really sure why exactly. She doesn’t want to gain weight but she does understand that it’s part of the process.  It’s going to happen whether she wants it to or not. 

The only thing that she can make sense of is that she’s terrified of what’s to come.  

Still they have to get to work at some point today, so she pushes forward and goes immediately to the dress section, where upon she realizes exactly how bad maternity clothes are.

“Geez these haven’t gotten better in the last 30 years have they?” Dave asks picking up a long cotton dress with stripes.  

“They are pretty bad aren’t they?” She can’t help but laugh.

Dave picks up a few more dresses, mostly to be funny as Penelope digs through the awful to find something more her style. There isn’t much but she is able to find 3 or 4 that wouldn’t be terrible.

Dave takes her purse and sits outside while she tries things on.  She’s tempted to take a picture of Dave sitting outside her dressing room holding her bag on his lap but her damn phone is in her the bag.

As far as shopping companions go he isn’t too terrible.  He doesn’t make a sound about holding her purse, but he does make the appropriate noises when she models things for him.  He tells her that the pink dress looks like a potato sack.  And he has no problems exchanging sizes or asking the saleswoman for help.

As they’re making their way to the register Dave clears his throat and asks, “Do you need anything else while we’re here?”

It’s clear that he’s trying to save her some embarrassment so she goes with it, hands him the dresses with a, “Do you mind?” While she asks a salesperson to help fit her for a new bra.

In the end Dave doesn’t bat an eye at spending $300 dollars on new clothes and bras for a younger coworker and Penelope feels 12 years old all over again.

As they’re making their way back to the car she says, “You know you’re much better at this than Derek is,” And Dave smiles.

“Is that so? Well I’ve had a lot of practice with the ex-wives you know?”

She can’t help but smile at him and say, “I know you don’t believe this but Joy would have been lucky to have you around when she was a kid.”

Dave stops once they’re in the car and says, “You think so?”

“Oh please sir.  You didn’t bat an eyelash at holding my purse, or buying me a new bra.  Every girl needs a dad like like that.”

“Thanks Penelope. And you’re welcome.”

CMCMCM

It’s isn’t until a week later, after she’s cycled through her three dresses three times with varying accessories that she starts to look online for better maternity clothes.  It’s not that what she has is bad per say so much that she just needs more of it. The problem with wearing dresses is that you need a lot of them.

She still feels guilty about it though which is why when the door to her lair opens to reveal Spencer she feels the need the need to close the search.

Of course, his brain works faster than hers and he sees what she’s looking at before she can actually do so.

“Oh is it already time for maternity clothes?” He asks innocently, looking at her stomach.  It makes her nervous for some inexplicable reason and she feels the need to throw her hands over herself.

“Yes, it is time for maternity clothes.  I’m entering my second trimester.  It is completely normal for me to gain weight, you know, because I currently have 2 people living inside of me!  So yes, I need new clothes and no I am not going to feel like a bad mother because I’m buying things for myself instead of spending the money on my kids,” She all but screams, standing up and advancing towards him until he’s standing outside the door looking lost at which point she slams it in his face.

She can hear him saying, “Okay, well I’ll call you later, we have to get going to Portland,” Through the door and for some reason that upsets her even more.  So she goes online and pays for what she already had in her cart.

Spencer doesn’t try to call her from the jet, mainly because they’re working and Hotch is sitting right there, and maybe a little bit because he still looks like he’s putting the pieces together in his head.  True to his word though he does call when they land.  

At which point she provides him with information about the case and hangs up.

The next four days follow much the same pattern.  Spencer calls, Penelope gives him whatever she has and then she hangs up.  

She never calls him first.  Luckily Hotch and Morgan are the ones with him so it doesn’t look weird to the rest of the team.  

As far as she can tell Spencer hasn’t said anything to anyone.  But her luck can only hold out so long.

CMCMCM

“Okay kid what’s up? You’ve been weird all week,” Derek asks from his spot next to Spencer while Hotch goes to tell the pilot they're ready for take off.

At first he shrugs it off but then JJ jumps in with, “Spence?” 

“Penelope yelled at me before we left,” He confesses somewhat confusedly.

“What did you do?” Derek asks without real warning in his voice.

“Nothing, at least I don’t think I did anything,” He answers defensively.

“Spence, she’s going through a lot right now.  Her body’s changing more quickly than she’s comfortable with and trust me it can be very overwhelming,” JJ starts, sounding a bit choked up herself, when Hotch walks back in and tells everyone to put on their seatbelts.

“Just talk to her, let her know that you aren’t upset with her,” JJ continues as she follows Hotch’s instructions.

“Let who know you aren’t upset with them?” Hotch questions.

“Garcia,” Dave answers and Hotch raises his eyebrows like he understands completely.

“Guys, it’s not like that. I’m worried,” Spencer admits and immediately everyone stops making noise.

“You don’t think anything’s wrong do you?” JJ asks hesitantly.

“I don’t think so.  Not with the babies at least.  She yelled at me that she wasn’t a bad mother for wanting to buy things for herself.  Of course she isn’t a bad mother.  She’s going to be the best mother in the world. I just can’t believe that she doesn’t believe that,” He says looking down at his lap instead of at the team's faces. Though he looks back up when the team sighs in relief.

“Not that you aren’t a fantastic mother JJ, because you are,” Spence jumps in when he realizes what he’s just said and who he’s said it too.

“Just not the best right?” JJ asks in a laughing tone. He shrugs and JJ tells him that it's alright.

“I think I know what this is about kiddo,” Dave throws in and then proceeds to betray his shopping trip with Penelope to the team.

“What?  That’s ridiculous.  We never made that deal.  And I would never begrudge her buying clothes.  Her clothes are part of who she is.  Obviously she’s going to need new ones as the pregnancy progresses…” He starts but JJ cuts him off.

“Of course not Spence but maybe this is something you two need to talk about?” She sounds kind, compassionate, but still manages to make Spencer feel like he’s been punched in the gut.

“If I remember correctly Haley went through something very similar.  It took me two weeks to figure out what was happening,” Hotch remarks just loud enough to be heard.

Everyone goes quiet for a few moments until JJ saves the day with, “So did I.  Will still doesn’t know what hit him.”

It's strange but it feels like a weight has been removed from Spencer's shoulders.

CMCMCM

Penelope meets the team at the elevator nearly in tears.  When the door opens Hotch sees her and warily steps off the elevator breathing a sigh of relief as Penelope runs straight past him to fling herself at Spencer.  He catches her, barely, in part because Derek sees what’s happening and stands in as a brace.

The rest of the team sidesteps them, and once the elevator door closes the two of them in relative privacy Spencer says, “I’m sorry.”

“No.  You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m the one that lost it.”

“Penelope, you’re pregnant. One of the most common symptoms of pregnancy is hormonal changes leading to emotional upheaval. You’re allowed to lose it from time to time. But you do deserve an apology. I don’t think I made myself very clear. I’m in this.  Not just for this,” He puts his hands over the rapidly growing baby bump, the first time he’s ever touched it she’s suddenly aware, “But I want to take care of you too, as much as you’ll let me.”

He looks so honest, so sincere, but she can’t help but ask, “Really?”

His arm is still around her back and he squeezes, “If what JJ has told me holds true, especially with two children, we won’t make it any other way.”

She takes a moment to wipe a tear away and say, “Thank you. I want that too.”

“Okay well let’s get this debrief over then so we can get home,” He says and then continues in a shy voice, “Do you want me to stay over?”

“Sure, I'd like that," She says with a smile.

Spencer smiles as he reaches over to press the door open button, and while the doors are opening to reveal an empty BAU he continues, “By the way as far as I’m concerned buy whatever you need.  We’ll figure it out.”

CMCMCM

When she wakes the next morning, it’s to the smell of pancakes and sausage.  Dave eats it everyday now that she can stand the smell again.  She wanders downstairs still in her bathrobe because hey it’s not like Dave hasn’t seen her in it before and Spencer should probably get used to it if they’re going to live together, only to find Dave in front of a skillet and Spencer and Derek talking about the house.

“Hey, when did you get here Hot Stuff?” She pats him on the shoulder as she makes her way to an empty chair.

Dave quickly hands her a cup of tea while Spencer passes the sugar.

“Well I just thought I would stop by and let you know that I got a call from the realtor yesterday.  They accepted your offer.”

“We have a house?” She asks, waking up rapidly.

“Yup. We’ll move into escrow for 30 days then we can start working Baby Girl. With any luck we’ll have you all moved in before the wonder twins make their grand entrance,” Derek says with a large smile and she has to get up from her seat to hug him.

“Thank you Sugar Plum,” She gives him a kiss on the forehead and then reaches over to ruffle Spencer’s hair.

“Well, since we have something to celebrate I made Spencer’s favorite.  Chocolate chip pancakes,” Dave says as he brings over a plate.  Spencer looks ridiculously proud of himself as he grabs four of them.

“Thanks Dave,” He says as he starts stuffing them in his mouth and Dave waves him off.

“Thank me by not embarrassing your children by eating like that in public,” He throws back and she and Derek laugh.  Spencer just shrugs.

“I only eat like this around you guys,” He says shoving an entire pancake in his mouth.

Derek moves to take the last two from the batch as Penelope hasn’t made a grab for them when her stomach makes itself known.  Derek throws his hands up, “I guess the wonder twins have spoken.” And Spencer grabs the plate to push it towards her.

“I can wait on the next round if you want these too,” He points to the two uneaten on his plate.

“No that’s fine,” She says as Spencer puts them on her plate anyway.

“Your appetite returning is a good sign,” He starts, “And I was going to go out today and get you a pair of good headphones.”

“Headphones?” She asks.

“Within the next two weeks the babies ears will be developed,” He explains finishing off his second pancake.

“Oh we should definitely do that before Monday then. I’ve got a list of some other things I need.  Mind if I come with you?”

“Sure we should probably looking at baby stuff anyway.”

“There are some decisions you should make about the house so we can start getting materials,” Derek throws in as Dave walks back to the table with 6 more pancakes.

Spencer grabs three of them causing Derek to yell, “Hey pretty boy you already had two!”

Spencer just shrugs and smiles with a full mouth making Derek shake his head. Dave rolls his eyes and hits both of them with his towel.

“Are you sure you’re ready for two?” Dave asks her fondly, “Cause they’ll be at least as bad as these two.”

He looks exasperated but Penelope can see the twinkle in his eye. He’s enjoying this.  And he keeps enjoying it even as Derek puts Spencer in a headlock.

She leans over to whisper, “If they’re as good as these two as well I’ll be fine,” while they watch the boys play wrestle. Dave smiles at her right up until the boys almost knock a plate over.  Then he shakes his head and goes back to the stove.

“If you knock that over you’ll be cleaning it up.”

The fight lasts another few seconds until Spencer licks Derek and he pulls back instinctively.

“That’s fightin’ dirty!” Derek whines, there’s no other word for it, before smiling and wiping it back on Spencer’s shirt.  He ruffles Spencer’s hair while Spencer shoves another pancake in his mouth.

“Are you still hungry Penelope?  Because there are three perfectly good pancakes right here that Derek would be more than happy to give you,” Spencer smiles at her with chocolate on his cheek.

She reaches over to wipe it off and remarks, “You are so lucky you already knocked me up smart guy.”

Spencer shrugs and the others laugh.

CMCMCM

Derek drops them at the mall on his way to hardware store to pick up a few things for a house he’s currently flipping.  He gives them strict instructions to call him when they're finished despite Spencer’s assurances that they’ll be fine on the metro.

On the one hand she agrees with Spencer, they would be fine on the metro on the other hand riding with Derek would be more comfortable.

They start back at Motherhood where upon she learns that Spencer is, surprisingly, as good of a shopping companion as Dave was. He also holds her purse without complaint and has no problem exchanging sizes though he does get flustered by the lingerie. Once they’ve picked up a few essentials they move on to the baby store.

Spencer seems content to just walk around looking but Penelope, feeling a bit overwhelmed at the sheer number of items they sell and the fact that she needs two of everything, decides in an instant that the best way to handle the situation is by making lists. So she pulls out the notebook she keeps in her purse and a pen to start.

“So color scheme?” She asks a confused Spencer.

“For what?”

“The room, the things we buy, all of it,” She explains, “I like yellow. Or orange.  Something bright and cheerful but not necessarily gender specific. Besides, not only will we not know their genders for a while yet there’s every possibility that we’ll have one of each anyhow.”

Spencer seems to be giving it some real thought as they pass by the car seats into the strollers. “I guess I like orange.”

“Alright orange it is,” She takes a moment to write it down and stabs her pen on the paper at the end.

“Let’s see we need two car seats, two cribs, and a two seater stroller…” She rattles on.  Spencer, for his part is completely engaged for all that he has completely male opinions.  He’s done research on brands and safety ratings but things like color schemes and styles he’s paid no attention too.  It really doesn’t surprise her. She guesses that’s why she instinctively knew this would work between them; because they are two different sides of the same coin and between the two of them all the details get sorted out.

Two hours later they’ve got a list of things they actually need and a bag of baby clothes they probably didn’t. She calls Derek, who’s still out running errands while Spencer runs into the electronics store to grab headphones.

CMCMCM

When they get into the car Penelope pulls out the clothes to show Derek. They're mostly gender neutral, onesies, t-shirts and the like.  But there’s a pair of overalls that she just loved.  Derek nods along, smiling contentedly right up until he sees the overalls. At which point he turns to Spencer and says, “Are you really gonna let her dress your baby boy like that?”

But Spencer just laughs, “If it were up to me they would both be in sweater vests regardless of sex.  In light of that letting their mother make their first fashion decisions seems a good idea.  Besides JJ put it on the list of things I’m not supposed to argue about.”

Penelope and Derek laugh and she feels the need to ask, “What list?”

“When she found out you were pregnant she gave me a list of things that I’m not supposed to argue with you about,” He shrugs.

“Uh huh, what sort of things are on this list?” She asks innocently. Derek seems to be giving Spencer motions to stop talking but he doesn’t pick up on them.

“Just stuff like your caffeine intake, letting you pick the baby’s clothes, oh and she very clear that I shouldn’t say anything about your choice in footwear,” He shrugs looking as naive as he always did about women’s shoes.

“Did she now?”

“Yeah, she said that there were some things I don’t get to have an opinion about because I don’t have a uterus.  Which I mean, I don’t see how my children’s clothing style fits into that but I generally listen to JJ about social convention because she’s usually right.”


	6. Chapter 6

By her 18th week, the middle of her second trimester, things are really starting to come together. They’ve closed on the house and are planning to start renovating the following week. They’ve picked out paint colors and carpet, and Penelope knows that JJ’s planning a baby shower even though it’s supposed to be a surprise.

Spencer accompanies her to every doctor’s appointment that he’s able to.  He listens intently and asks questions.  

So she makes a point to tell him that the doctor had mentioned that at her next appointment they would be doing an ultrasound and that they would probably be able to tell them the sex of the babies.

He certainly looks intrigued by the thought of an ultrasound but not so much by the thought of the babies sex.

“Do you not want to know?” She’s almost afraid to ask because she can’t help her own curiosity.  Knowing that someone in the world knows whether she’s having sons or daughters and that they aren’t telling her would drive her mad. But he is their father and if he doesn’t want to know...well it is something to consider.

“It’s not that,” He shrugs, “I just don’t really care either way.  I just want them healthy.”

CMCMCM

“He meant it JJ!  I mean normally people just say things like that because they don’t want to admit that they want a son more than a daughter or vice versa.  But I really don’t think it matters to him.”

JJ is completely unsympathetic, only smiling and saying, “And you’re surprised?  Penelope it’s Spence, of course he doesn’t care about the babies sex.  He’s still trying to get his head around the fact that he’s actually going to be a father.  One of your children could turn out to be a hamster and he’d be happy as long as it’s healthy.”

That stops Penelope cold, “What do you mean?”

JJ does soften at the question, “Penelope he’s terrified all the time.  You should see him on cases.  Every time you call someone other than him he can’t rip his eyes away. He’s constantly afraid that you’re going to call to tell him that you’ve miscarried or that the doctor gave you bad news,” Then JJ’s voice goes quiet, almost a whisper, “He never thought he would have kids.  He wants them desperately, but he never thought he actually would.  He told me that.  He said that he never thought you would say yes and he’s terrified even now that something’s going to happen to take it all away.”

“But he’s been so strong through all of this Jayje. He’s never broken down the way I have.  He’s kind of been my rock.  I asked him to come to me if he ever got scared and he didn’t.”

“I know.  But I think that’s because he thinks that’s the dad’s job.  To always be strong,” JJ reaches over to rub Penelope’s belly while the two of them watch Will and Spencer play with Henry and a toddling Michael on the playground.

“Oh God,” Penelope gasps making the connection, “You think this has something to do with his dad?”

“Don’t you?  I mean his father left when he was ten years old and from what he’s told me William Reid wasn’t exactly father of the year material before that. The only other father figures he’s had are Gideon, Hotch, and Rossi.  You know what happened with Gideon.  Hotch and Rossi are probably more stable role models at least in this department but neither one of them like to show weakness or lean on anyone else either.”

“But they do.  They lean on each other all the time.  They talk on the phone constantly; usually about us.”

“Did you see that before you moved in with Rossi?” JJ asks, stopping to cheer when Henry makes it across the monkey bars without help.

“Kinda.  Not as much of it but it was there,” And she’s sure it was.  

“But Penelope, you’re a daughter not a son,” JJ gives her a sad smile and Penelope knows she’s right.

“So what do I do about it?”

JJ shrugs, “There’s not much you can do about it.  The only person he’s likely to open up to right now is Derek and he hasn’t had any luck yet.  I’ve tried but he shuts me down.  He might talk to Hotch or Rossi but they both think it’s best to let it run it’s course.”

“Why?” Penelope rubs her stomach.  Stupid gas pains.

“Because they’re Hotch and Rossi?  Hotch thinks that it’s better to let him see families in action. Watch Will with the boys, him with Jack, even Rossi with Joy.  He thinks that seeing how they interact will help more than sitting him down and saying the words.”

“And Rossi?”

“You know Rossi.  He’d rather the two of them get drunk, talk it out, do whatever crying needs to be done and move on.  But he certainly doesn’t think Hotch’s plan is a bad one either.”

“And you?”

JJ sighs and leans down to whisper, “Your mommy and daddy are very lucky that I love the four of you so much,” Into her stomach and rubs her hand over it again.

“JJ?”

“I think that he’s stubborn and he isn’t going to talk about it right now so it’s as good of a plan as any. At least we’re doing something.”

“So what do I do?” She asks again.

“Leave him be.  He isn’t going anywhere.  Eventually he’ll crack and that’s when we can be there for him.  In the meantime just let him deal as best he can.”

CMCMCM

The team gets called on a case in Texas the next day.

As usual they all get busy with the case, Penelope included, but she still finds some time to think during the quiet moments.  As much as she doesn’t want to admit it Hotch’s plan probably does have the most merit. She wishes that Spencer would talk to someone but she is willing to admit that whether or not someone gets him to open up he does need to see real families in action. So, like JJ said, at least they’re doing something.

Now that the babies can hear voices Spencer has taken to calling each night to speak to them. Most of those calls start out with the two of them talking about practical things.  The house, the nursery, etc.  Then they move into how she’s feeling, which eventually leads to him asking to speak to the twins.  She’s never exactly sure what he says to them but it always gives her butterflies to put the headphones on her belly.

Then, after a few minutes she’ll pick the phone back up and they’ll keep talking for however long time allows.  The topics range from Star Trek to how to end world hunger and everything in between.

She wonders, some nights when they’re up late talking if it might help to needle him a bit.  Nothing overt, just maybe asking how he’s feeling. Then she realizes that requires more subtly than she possesses, especially halfway through her pregnancy. But really she thinks it’s just because she’s a coward and she’s afraid that he won’t talk to her.

Somehow the team gets back the morning of her ultrasound appointment.  As much as Penelope knows that Spencer wants to be there she also knows that it isn’t critical to him.  He’s missed appointments before, even ultrasound appointments and it’s not as though he cares about the baby’s sex. He wouldn’t have pressed the issue so she knows that she has Hotch to thank for his presence.

Still, he shows up at the doctor’s office just after they’ve closed the door to the exam room, and apologizes for being late.  He’s adverts his eyes like a gentleman and immediately moves towards her head.

“Hey you made it,” She smiles at him.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” He replies, leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“Well then are you ready Penelope?” The ultrasound tech interrupts with a warm smile.

“Yup, let’s get this show on the road,” She answers lifting her shirt up.

“Alright, this is going to be cold,” The tech warns as she puts gel on Penelope’s stomach. The tech moves the wand around trying to find a good angle for a few seconds and then starts taking measurements.  Spencer watches the whole thing in fascination, completely focused on the screen.

“So how are the blobs?” She asks.

The tech smiles, “Well I can’t tell you anything for sure, the doctor will be in soon, but I’d say it all looks normal.”

“Perfectly normal,” Spencer replies, “They’re exactly where they should be,” and then goes off on a tangent about what exactly is happening with their children right now.  Penelope tries to pay attention, she really does, but it’s hard to compete with the sound of her children’s heartbeats.

The tech prints some pictures, gives them each copies, and then heads out to get the doctor.

“So have you made a decision yet?” Spencer asks, sitting down in the chair next to her.

“About?” She asks while she wipes herself down and gets situated.

“Sex?” He says completely normally and her head snaps up.

“What?”

“Of the babies,” He laughs seemingly unbothered.

“Oh, well I mean I wanna know. But if you don’t…” She hates to make the offer she really does.

“Penelope,” He starts in a soft tone, leaning in a bit, “It’s okay.  Let’s find out.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.  Besides I think I already know,” He says smugly and leans back into his seat.

“What?” She can feel her heart beating through her chest, “Well?”

“Why don’t we just wait for the doctor alright? I don’t want to get your hopes up,” His words are perfectly sensible but he’s still got that damnable smirk on his face.

“Spencer you had better tell me right now or I’ll show Derek and Hotch that video of you singing karaoke.”

“Go ahead,” He gives in.  Damn profilers, they can always call her bluff.  Maybe she can call one of his.

“You don’t really know do you?  That’s why you can’t tell me.”

“Are you trying to trick me Penelope?” The look on his face gets more smug.

She should have known it wouldn’t work, so she huffs and crosses her arms.

He rolls his eyes and leans over to say, “But I guess if it means that much to you, we’re having a son.”

A son?  A little boy?  A little boy that will get to grow up with little Michael, will have big older cousins Henry and Jack?  She’s crying before she realizes that she’s having two babies.

He softens when she starts crying, “I know.  A little boy.  Can you even imagine?” He puts a hand on hers.

The thing is she can imagine it, has been imagining it for months.  It looks like she may yet get to see a little blonde headed mini-genius help his dad hotwire Uncle Derek’s car. 

“And the other one?  Are we having two sons?”

Spencer just shakes his head giving her a wide smile, “Nope.  If I’m right we’ll be having the first little girl in the BAU since what, Joy Rossi?  Maybe Meg Callohan?”

Then she’s crying even harder and pulling Spencer to her in a hug, “Thank you.  Thank you so much.  I love you, you know that right?  Now we’ll have a mini you and a mini me.”

Spencer hugs her back, and when she pulls back she could swear that he has tears in his eyes. Then he starts laughing.

“What?  What’s so funny?”

“It’s just can you imagine how overprotective Derek’s going to be of our daughter?”

“Oh my poor baby,” She rubs a circle on her belly, “You’re never going to get to go on a date are you?”

Spencer, looking a little more serious though still smiling speaks to her belly, “Nope.  Not if Daddy gets a say in it.  Neither will the little man.”

Then he looks up at her, “Do you mind?”

It takes her a few seconds to get what he’s asking before nodding, “Of course.”

Then he reaches out and puts a hand over her, right where the babies are and says, “Daddy’s never going to let anything happen to you.”

Then he very carefully leans down and kisses her belly.

Penelope’s about to say something, she doesn’t know what but maybe something about how he can’t possibly make that promise or how if he stops all the bad things he’ll stop all the good ones too, but the doctor walks in and cuts her train of thought short.

The doctor, a wonderful woman named Dr Kirkpatrick says, “I assume that you want to know what you’re having?”

They wordlessly decide not to say anything other than yes and the kind woman goes on to congratulate them on their new son and daughter.

CMCMCM

That night she goes out and buys the biggest fluffiest dress she can find.

Spencer just smiles.

CMCMCM

“I think we have a problem,” She says as she grabs Derek and JJ’s arms and pulls them back to her office. She’s wearing heels though they’re shorter than normal because her center of balance is off.

“Okay?” JJ asks as she closes the door.

“Yesterday we had our ultrasound appointment,” She starts.

“Yeah we know. Hotch was worried as hell we wouldn’t make it,” Derek starts.

“Hush you.  So we’re at the appointment and Spencer could read the ultrasound so he knew what we were having before me,” She continues.

“Garcia you can’t take that personally,” JJ throws in.

“What? No of course not. So I got him to tell me and we were crying about it and how my poor little doll face will likely never get to go on a date in her life because she has 3 big cousins, a twin brother and you to stop that from happening,” She puts a hand on Derek’s chest.

“Then he leans down and tells the babies that Daddy will never let anything happen to them,” They’re both looking at her like she’s grown a second head so she throws up her hands.

“He’s doing it again, you know the strong thing,” She explains.

“Garcia,” Derek starts with a smile on his face, “He’s going to be a new father of course he’s going to feel a little protective.”

“Exactly, I don’t think it makes this any more of an issue than it already is,” JJ continues with a tear in her eye.

“He kissed my stomach,” She points out reasonably.

“Well if you’d let him kiss a little lower you might have saved fifteen grand,” JJ snarks.  Derek, for his part just laughs.

“It’s not like that it was totally sweet,” She feels the need to defend.

“Of course it was. More importantly it was a perfectly natural and normal response to learning the sex of your child,” JJ says.

“Now moving on to more important issues, you’re having a girl and a boy?” Derek asks.

“Yeah,” She blushes at having forgotten that they didn’t know yet.

“I can’t believe we’re finally getting a little girl,” JJ smiles brightly.

“Well, I’m sure that they’ll be as sweet and smart as their mama and daddy,” Derek gives her an equally bright smile.

“Aww thanks sugar.  But what are we going to do?” She asks, “We’ve only got five months before the wonder twins get here.”

“Baby girl, I promise you that he will be fine.  I will make sure of it,” Derek smiles at her and god help her it makes her feel a little better.

“Now have you thought about what to name my new baby girl?  I hear a lot of people like the name Morgan.”

“And let me guess Derek for the boy,” JJ adds in.

“You and me JJ, we gotta connection.”

CMCMCM

The next few weeks are long and drawn out. They have three back to back cases.  The first only lasts two days, though one of them is Halloween much to Spencer’s chagrin. They get five hours of sleep before they turn around and head back out for a case that, in spite of its 6 hour flight time only takes 2 hours to solve.

But the third.  Dear God the third.  It lasts three weeks, straight through Thanksgiving, has them all up in 36 hour increments and has Penelope sleeping in the office again.  

That couch is seriously not good for her back.

Spencer, Derek, and eventually Hotch all tell her to go home that she isn’t needed in debrief but she knows how these things work.  Her not being there means that they’ll have to use her report which will drag it out even longer for them and eventually put more work on Hotch, neither of which are things she’s willing to do.

Which is why they find her sleeping in a chair in the roundtable room.

“Baby girl why didn’t you go home?” Derek wakes her with a shake.

She sits forward and rubs her eyes, “I thought it would go faster if I was here.”

Hotch gives her a tired glare, “Garcia I told you to go home.”

“I know sir, but I didn’t want to make any more work for you all,” She explains warily.

Fortunately Hotch seems just as wary, “Just don’t let it happen again.  Let’s get started.”

CMCMCM

An hour later they all make their way to the elevator.  They look marginally more refreshed than she does, in part because they aren’t pregnant and in part because they all most likely got more sleep on the jet than she did in that chair.

She’s sort of blindly following Dave to his car, she doesn’t much trust herself to drive, when she notices that Spencer’s following along.

“Are you staying over?” She asks once they are in the car.

“Yes, Spencer are you staying at my house?  Or am I dropping you off somewhere?” Dave raises his eyebrows with a small smile.

“Staying over if that’s all right?” He asks.

“Yeah, yeah. I figured as much.  Now put your damn seatbelt on,” Dave shakes his head fondly and pulls the car out.

When they get back to Dave’s Spencer opens her door and helps her out of the car.  He even carries her purse inside for her. She catches Dave watching them looking somewhere between amused and intrigued although she has no idea why.

Twenty minutes after she retreats to her room there’s a knock at the door. When she says to come in Spencer opens the door sheepishly.

“Sorry to bother you.”

“Oh it’s no bother baby daddy.  What’s up?” She asks with a yawn.

“It can wait.  I’ll talk to you in the morning,” He moves to leave.

“No, no it’s okay.  Come back here,” She calls,  She’s not entirely sure why but she has a strange feeling that this is important.  Maybe she’s picking up some profiling abilities.

He stands awkwardly in the doorway for another minute before turning and walking towards her, shutting the door behind him and making a motion at her bed.

She nods at his question.

“I just, can I,” He motions at her belly.

“Of course,” She says moving a little closer and trying to stop her smile.

He leans in and puts his hands on her, rubs her stomach and starts talking, whispering really, “I missed you guys so much.  I hated being gone for so long. I know that you have the best mom in the whole world but I still hate being away,” With that he leans in and gives her stomach a peck kiss again and then moves to leave.

“I’ll just be going,” He motions to the door.

“You don’t have to,” She answers softly.

He settles back in.

“Are you okay?” She has to ask, moving back some into her pillows to get comfortable.

He looks tired, more tired than she’s seen him in months.  

At first he looks like he’s going to say yes but then he stops himself, “Kind of.  I’m fine really.”

“Spencer,” She leads.

“I just, I get scared sometimes.  About the world we’re bringing them into you know?”

It’s not exactly what she was expecting, or even where she thinks the real issue lies.  But it is one that was bound to come up eventually.

“I know.  Against my better wishes I feel the same sometimes,” She lets herself admit.

“Really?” He looks vaguely surprised.  She tries not to take it personally.

“Yeah, mostly when I’m looking at crime scene photos. I think about the victims and their families. It makes me think about the world they’re going to grow up in.  But that’s why we’re having them right?  To put some more awesome people on the planet? To help counterbalance what we see?”

He gives her a smile at that, “I know.  And yes it is.  But I just worry.”

She gives him a smile, “If what JJ has told me is true the worry only gets worse.”

“I can imagine,” He laughs, “At least I know they’re safe with you right now.  It’s just I’m okay being away for a few days at a time.  But three weeks was a bit much.”

“If it helps I don’t think you’re the only one that had problems with it.  I mean Hotch let me get away with disobeying him. And did you see how fast Morgan and JJ got out of there?”

“It’s just a weird feeling for me,” He clears his throat and looks away from her, “Normally it doesn’t bother me to work late or through holidays or be gone for weeks at a time.  I guess, maybe it’s because I have something to come home for now?  Sorry I’m just feeling a little clingy.” He shakes his head to clear it.

Somehow, she can’t be sure how, she’s launched herself into his arms with tears in her eyes, “You’ve always had a reason to home.  You just have a bigger reason now.  I never would have forgiven you if you hadn’t come home. You know that right?”

It takes him a few seconds to hug her back but he does.  They sit like that for a few moments, mostly her crying and him awkwardly patting her on the back.

“You can be as clingy as you want to be,” She promises.

When she finally pulls back Spencer has a grateful look on his face.

“Thanks Penelope,” He whispers more than anything.

Which is when an idea hits her.

“You can sleep here if you want,” She offers looking around.  She has a queen sized bed but while she would have no problem sleeping in the same bed with him, she’s slept in the same bed with Derek before without problem so Spencer wouldn’t be either, she’s guessing he might take issue.

“Penelope it’s okay,” He offers.

“No, no, you can.  You can sleep here or in the chair, or we could both go to the boys room and sleep on the twin beds there.”

“You’d really sleep in a twin bed?” He asks contemplatively.

“If that’s what you need yes,” She says easily.

He seems to think about it, so she starts to get up, but then he shakes his head, “No, you slept in a chair earlier and you’ve been on that couch for weeks now.  I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You aren’t asking.  I’m offering.  Spencer.  Please?  If this is what you need just let me do it.”

Penelope takes great pride in her abilities to make the team, especially the male members of the team, do her bidding with just a look.  Seriously, it’s even worked on Hotch before.  So it’s not a big surprise when he says, “Fine.  Okay.”

“Really? Okay.  Where do you wanna sleep?” She looks around, there’s a blanket in the linen closet in the hall that she can grab and she can get a pillow from the bed in his guest room…

“Can I just lay here for a while?” He motions to her bed.

“Sure.  Of course,” She’s surprised but not upset.

They lay there for a while, Spencer on his side with a hand on her belly and her on her back with her head turned towards him. The topic changes to other things, the house mostly then the new season of Doctor Who which is when Spencer sits up and stares at her belly then her face.

“Did you feel that?” He asks staring in awe at her belly.

“Feel what? My gas pains?”

“Gas pains?  Penelope I think that was fetal movement.”

“What?  I’ve been having them for weeks.  Are you telling me that the babies have been moving for weeks?”

“It’s possible.  Have you had any other stomach issues?” He isn’t looking her in the face, instead he’s staring at stomach as though the babies are big enough to see a kick.

“No not really.  At least not any worse than normal,” At least she can’t remember any.

“Then it’s likely that at least some of it has been fetal movement,” He’s got both hands on her now.

He doesn’t look anywhere near as scared as JJ said he was the first time he felt Henry kick. Instead he just looks happy.  Really really happy.  Kind of like how she feels.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last update until Monday, I'll be on vacay and without my laptop until then!

The next morning she wakes up with Spencer basically on top of her.  He’s half on his side, half on his stomach with an arm on her belly and a leg thrown over hers.  She blushes as realizes two things at once, one a certain hardness trapped between them, and two that Dave is standing in the doorway smirking.

She’s careful as she pushes Spencer off of her but he basically sleeps like the dead so there really isn’t a need. Dave gives her a weird look, almost laughing.

“What?  I don’t wanna hurt it I might want more kids someday,” She whispers as she walks past him. He follows her down the hall.

“With Reid?” He snarks.

“Well, I don’t know.  Maybe.  It isn’t what it looked like.” She keeps walking.

“Oh really?  Because it looked like an expectant mother comforting the father of her children because he’s been jittery and damn clingy since our fantastic Thanksgiving dinner of cereal and milk.  But if there was something more… Well I won’t judge,” He shrugs as they enter the kitchen.

She glares at him while she makes her tea.

“Seriously Penelope I won’t say anything.  The kid needed it.  You probably needed it.  No judgment,” He throws his hands up in the air.

“He did need it.  So did I, I guess,” She gives in sitting down at the table.

The look on Dave’s face softens as she rubs a hand over her belly.

“We felt the babies kick last night,” She offers.

“Well that explains how you got him to stay,” He answers making coffee.  She decides not to tell him that Spencer had already made the decision to stay before they felt the babies kicking.

“Do you,” She starts, “Do you think he’s okay?”

“Yeah I think so,” Dave replies sitting down next to her, “Do you think otherwise?”

“I don’t know.  I didn’t until JJ said something about his dad,” She admits.

“His dad will always be a tough subject for him, and likely a motivating factor.  He’s always gonna want to prove that he isn’t William Reid.  I think that’s why he has 3 doctorates.  Now that he’s going to be a father himself, well, it’s all probably very close to the surface.”

“I know. I just don’t know what to do to help him.”

“I think what you’re doing is pretty good actually.”

“Really?”

“Oh kitten, you don’t think he could do this without you do you?” He looks over at her and makes eye contact.

They can hear movement upstairs so Dave gets up and starts making another cup of coffee and he grabs the newspaper to sit next to him.

“Do you only keep getting the paper for when he stays over?” She can’t help but ask.  She’s never actually seen him read it.

“Well I sure as hell don’t wanna hear him rant about technology ruining the way we receive news again.”

She just snorts.

“I’ve got a few errands to run today.  Do you have anything to drop off at the dry cleaners?”

CMCMCM

Given that both Spencer and Dave have said that Spencer has been clingy lately, and you know the fact that he slept in her bed last night, Penelope isn’t all that surprised that the trend continues through their day off.  It’s kind of funny really.  Mainly because it doesn’t just extend to her but also to Dave as much as he tries to hide it.

Dave would normally be out and about, it is the first day he’s been home in three weeks after all, and for that matter so would Penelope for much the same reason. They both have lists of things that need to be done, starting with the dry cleaning and ending with groceries, but Dave takes one look at Spencer and changes his plans. Penelope quickly follows suit.

Mostly it means that the three of them sit in the same room for a large portion of the day.  Spencer reads while she knits and Dave writes.  But it also means that Spencer’s eyes track them when they get up to leave the room and he has to stop himself from asking where they’re going.

Sometime after three he seems to have calmed down a bit.  Enough that he stops looking up every time they move at least. So Dave announces that they need groceries, asks if they want anything and heads out; leaving her alone with Spencer for the first time since they went to sleep together the night before.

Spencer looks a little lost at first though he hides it well.  Then he looks over to her and softly says, “Thank you for last night.”

“You’re welcome boo.  You know I didn’t mind right?  I mean sometimes I need it too. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a good cuddle and it helps.  A lot.”

He gives her a shy smile over the book in his hands, then swallows and says, “You know I’ve never slept in the same bed with a woman before?”

A couple of things race through her mind at once. Firstly she wonders how it was that she had never considered that, and then she thinks about the only relationship she’s aware of him having, Maeve.

“Well I’m glad I was your first sweetcheeks,” She says when she realizes that she needs to say something.

He smiles again, looks down at his book and says, “If you do ever, you know, need a cuddle...I’m available.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

CMCMCM

Which explains how Dave finds them cuddled on his couch napping two hours later.

He just shakes his head, lets them sleep, and sends a picture to the rest of the team.

CMCMCM

Hotch is the first one to respond and does so with a simple :)

CMCMCM

Spencer really wasn't planning on going to Rossi's house that night nor was he planning on making himself comfortable in Penelope's bed. And he certainly wasn't planning on napping with her on the couch. But it does seem to help her. She seems calmer and more at ease when they wake up.

And if he's honest it helps him too. There’s a big part of him that didn’t think he would ever get to wake up next to the mother of his children and just feel them moving around, testing their ability to move. But he’s glad to have the experience even if he doesn’t expect it to ever happen again.

He really should have known that Rossi was going to take a picture and send it to the team. This is the problem with having a baby with a woman who lives with Rossi. 

JJ sends him a copy of the picture with a winky face that he immediately sends to his little used email address so that he can print it later and Derek asks if they used protection. It takes everything in Spencer not to remind Derek that Penelope's already pregnant.

He does get a pat on the back from Dave when he wakes up and heads to the kitchen. They don’t actually say anything but Spencer can see the, ‘good job’ in Rossi’s eyes. 

CMCMCM

Things continue to go well for another couple of weeks and Penelope has no reason to think that it will change.  Right up until it does.  

The first indication she has that she should just go back to bed is when she tries to put her shoes on only to discover that none of them fit. She has to spend 20 minutes trying on different ones before she finds a pair that doesn’t entirely hurt her feet.

She sends off a text to JJ asking if it’s normal and much to her general upset JJ says yes and then even goes as far as to say that hers never went back to their original size after Henry.

Penelope thinks that the day might be getting better when the team takes a case in Baltimore, meaning that they’ll get to sleep in their own beds, only to be proven wrong when she gets the case file and sees crime scene photos of two dead kids.

From there, well there’s looking for the bright side and then there’s ignoring what’s right in front of you.

She really should have seen it coming.  

It’s the first case involving kids that they’ve had since she got pregnant and it’s utterly horrifying.

In fact she isn’t sure what’s more horrifying, the pictures of dead children on her screen or watching on a surveillance camera as her baby daddy runs at a madman with a knife to save a kid.

(The picture’s of dead kids by a smidge.)

When she gets to the hospital, pissed as all hell, and in shoes that are at least a size too small she finds the team standing in the hall outside Spencer’s room. Hotch and Derek both look annoyed, JJ looks pissed, and Dave just looks like it’s a Tuesday, which is a clever disguise for worried as all hell but holding it in for the team.  No wonder Spencer thinks it’s the Dad’s job to be strong.

Hotch and Derek jump in front of her as she stomps in but she just stops, takes her shoes off, and hands each of them one and walks into his room barefoot while they stand there confused.

“What the hell was that?” She all but yells as she closes the door.

“Hello Penelope, how are you?” Spencer asks calmly with a hint of a smile.

“What the hell was that?  You tackled an idiot with a knife? You don’t tackle people Spencer!” She’s starting to get more worked up, “Seriously, you can’t do things like this anymore!  I’m expecting you to take care of this!” She points to her stomach.

“You think I’m not going to take care of them?” The smile is gone, replaced by something she can’t identify.

She gears up to respond when the team comes filing in. Derek grabs her hand and starts guiding her out while Hotch goes to Spencer.

The next thing she knows she’s on one side of the door with Derek and Dave and Spencer’s on the other side with Hotch and JJ.

“Baby girl calm down,” Derek orders, pulling her into a hug, “He’s okay.  He’s okay.  He just has a sprained shoulder.  He has to wear a sling for two weeks.  That’s it, believe me he isn’t going anywhere.”

“Are you sure?” She has to ask.

“Savannah looked him over herself.”

She’s holding onto him like her life depends on it as he backs her into a chair in the waiting room. Then she’s sitting there, with Derek on one side and Dave on the other.  Derek’s arm is around her.

“I was so scared.” She admits, “Watching on that screen.”

“I know baby, I know.  But he’s okay.  And he did the right thing.  He saved that kid and he did it without firing a shot.”

“Really?” She sits up, “You call that the right thing?  He tackled a guy with a knife. How can you say that?”

“Kitten, he’s right.  Reid followed the profile perfectly.  Any one of us would have done the same thing,” Dave says sensibly.

“Then why did you all look so worried?” She points out reasonably.

“Because he was still hurt,” Derek says like it’s obvious.

Then she’s crying again, “Oh God, what did I say to him?  He’s going to hate me now,” She gets up to go apologize.

“Wait,” Derek grabs her wrist, “Give them a minute.  I promise he won’t hate you but give Hotch and JJ some time with him first.”

CMCMCM

As soon as the door closes with Penelope on the other side Spencer looks over to JJ and says, "You should be with her. She needs you."

But JJ shakes her head, "Derek and Dave are with her. She'll be fine. Are you okay?"

He immediately nods his head, "I'm fine but Penelope needs you JJ."

"Spence, I promise Penelope will be fine. You know Derek can take care of her."

Which is either the perfect thing to say or the worst possible thing to say because his face crumples. JJ looks over to Hotch but he isn’t paying any attention to her. She wants to know if this is it, if they're going to press the issue but she's getting nothing from him.

"Spence she's scared. She was watching the camera feed. She saw you tackle him," JJ tries.

"I know but does she really think I would do something that would keep me from meeting them? From taking care of them?" He's quiet.

"No, she doesn't," Hotch speaks up, "But she did just see the father of her children do something dangerous. Something that she wouldn't do and that she thought you would never do. She's scared and you know that people strike out when scared."

"She's also pregnant. Her emotions are close to the surface and it makes them harder to control," JJ adds. 

Spence nods at them and says, "I know. And she has every right to be scared."

"Yes she does," Hotch agrees. The older man takes a deep breath and JJ would swear that he's fighting with himself when he continues, "Reid, Spencer, a lot of being a father is being whatever the mother needs you to be. Especially before the babies are born. Your job is to get Penelope through this as smoothly as possible."

Spence is staring at Hotch and nodding.

It takes everything JJ has not to put her face into her hands because that is the last this Spence needs to hear.

"However, that doesn't mean that you aren't allowed emotions. It doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to be scared. Or upset when Penelope takes her emotions out on you."

Better, JJ thinks, even if it wasn't what she would have said.

"Were you?" Spence asks softly.

"Scared?" Hotch clarifies, "Like hell."

Okay, now they're making headway.

CMCMCM

Over the next half hour there’s some shuffling.  Dave gets up and goes into the room with Spencer, JJ comes out and sits with Penelope and Derek.

“I know it’s hard to watch the father of your children do something like that,” JJ says sympathetically, “But he did do the right thing Garcia.” She says kindly and completely without judgment.

“Do you feel that way when you watch Will do things like that?” She has to ask.

“You have no idea,” Is there only response she gets.

A few minutes later Derek asks if she’ll be okay and joins the guys in Spencer’s room leaving her and JJ alone in waiting room.

“I was scared JJ.  I’ve watched you all do things like that before, but…” She isn’t quite sure how to end that sentence.

“But this time you’ve got two of his genius babies inside of you. So you couldn’t see straight, and all you could think was that they may never get to know how wonderful their father is and that he may never be able to hold them?” JJ finishes for her.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Penelope, it’s okay.  I promise.  He’s fine and he never would have done anything to scare you like that on purpose.  The last thing he wants is his children growing up without a father.”

“I know that, I really do,” She argues.

“Well, I think you need to make sure that he knows that,” JJ, always the mother, points out.

“JJ am I an awful person for saying what I said?”

“Of course not.  You’re a worried mother facing your greatest fear.  We all do crazy things when we’re worried about our kids.  Spence will see that.”

Hotch finds them a few minutes later and takes Derek’s seat.  JJ gets up to leave with a small sympathetic smile.

As soon as JJ’s gone Penelope looks up at Hotch and asks, “Are you here to yell at me?”

Hotch, ever the father, gives her one of his most expressive looks despite the fact that his face doesn’t move and asks, “What would I yell at you about?”

“You mean besides the fact that I let my feelings get in the way of doing my job?  The fact that I said something hurtful to another team member and that I would have said worse if you all hadn’t come in when you did?”

“Well, you didn’t let your feelings get in the way of doing your job.  You did your job perfectly. You let your emotions get the better of you afterward but that’s allowed.  Number two you didn’t say something hurtful to another team member, you said said hurtful to the father of your children, but only after he did something that scared you.  That’s a perfectly natural response. And finally, the team will always have your back.  Now, more to the point, would it help anything for me to yell at you?”

“It might help me feel better.”

Hotch puts a hand on her shoulder and squeezes, “I think we both know there’s only one thing that will make you feel better.”

“How is he sir?”

Hotch shakes his head, “He’s fine. He’s worried about you.”

“Did he, you know, open up?” She looks up at him hopefully.  Maybe there could be something good in this after all.

“No, unfortunately he’s still in denial,” For his part Hotch does look sorry about that.

“Sir, should I push the issue? Cause I’ve been trying really hard not to,” She has to ask.  

“Not yet,” He squeezes her shoulder again, “But Garcia you might have to as we get closer.  You need to make sure it’s something you can handle.  If it isn’t we’ll figure something out.”

She takes a minute to breathe, grabs Hotch’s hand from her shoulder and moves it to her belly where the twins are being extremely active, “Do you feel that sir?”

Hotch gives her a small private smile, “They’re really playing soccer aren’t they?”

“Yeah, they are,” She answers, “Sir, I could do anything for them.  I would do anything for them.”

“Of course you would Penelope. It’s an overwhelming feeling isn’t it?” He asks with his hand still planted on belly. He starts to rub small circles and she can feel the twins following his hand. 

“One of the reasons I’ve waited this long to become a mother is that I never wanted this,” She waves a hand around, “I’m terrified of leaving them the way mom and dad left me. But more than that I can’t be left behind again. It was bad enough when I thought Emily was dead. I don’t think you get 2 miracles like that in a single lifetime.”

Hotch moves his hand his side and makes eye contact before answering, “I know. Being left behind is pretty much the worst thing that can happen to a family. However, you can’t let that fear control you or make you enjoy your life any less. Garcia you’ve done an amazing job creating a life for yourself that you could enjoy to the fullest. You can’t let that change just because you have more to lose now.”

All she can do is nod in return. 

CMCMCM

Hotch opens the door for her when they get back to the exam room.  The rest of the team, plus Savannah are there but at a nod from Hotch they all start to file out. They all give her sympathetic looks. Derek and Dave throw in a shoulder squeeze.  But before long it’s just the two of them.

“So,” she starts.

“How are you?” He asks a few seconds later.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.  I didn’t mean to insinuate, you know what I insinuated,” She shuffles closer to the bed he’s sitting on.

“Penelope, I know that,” He’s staring at her, “You were scared.  You were stuck watching and didn’t have the full story.  Anyone would have been scared in that situation.  Are you okay?”

“Why?  Why are you being so understanding?”

He doesn’t even grace her question with a response, instead asking, “Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not. I woke up this morning and all of a sudden none of my shoes fit.  I spent all day staring at dead kids.  The wonder twins have been kicking like crazy. Even while I had the pictures up.  And then I watched my baby daddy get hurt and knew that there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.  So no you know what, I am not okay,” By the end of her rant she’s yelling and breathing harder than she should be.

Then he’s in front of her, putting his good arm around her, “Okay so we buy you some new shoes, I have a talk with the kids about being nice to mommy, and I promise not to do anything dangerous while you’re watching for a while.”

She huffs and hits him in the arm.  She wants to say that he can’t do anything like that ever again but logic is starting to intervene and she knows, realistically, that with their jobs he can’t make that promise and it’s not fair of her to ask it.

“What else can I do Penelope?”

“I don’t know.  Stop getting hurt?  I have enough to worry out without you tackling people.”

“I’ll try.  I’ll certainly try to leave the tackling to Derek if that makes you feel better.”

She just glares at him. Not funny.

“Alright can we get out of here now? I would really like some cookies but Savannah keeps saying that I don’t need them.”

“Oh you poor baby,” She knows exactly what he’s doing but she lets him do it anyways, “Of course I’ll make cookies. It’s time I started my Christmas baking anyway.”

“Just for me right? I won’t have to share them?”

CMCMCM

That night Spencer sleeps in her bed again.  He takes the sling off and sleeps with his head on her chest, just above the babies, the hand of his bad arm on them, the other at an unnatural angle off to the side that Penelope knows he’s going to regret tomorrow, and a leg thrown over hers.

The thing is, the last time it felt like they were doing it for him.  This time feels like it’s for her.

She doesn’t wake to Dave in her doorway this time.

Oh no, this time it’s Derek.

She’s not sure how long he’s been watching when she finally wakes up, only that he has a weird look on his face.

Spencer is still draped over her like a blanket and she doesn’t particularly want to wake him or, really, deal with this at all so she just stays put.

“Good morning Derek.”

“Good morning princess.  Should I assume that this is a very good morning?” He’s smiling mischievously.

“No.  Nothing happened.  We just needed a cuddle,” She rolls her eyes.

“Oh is that what we’re calling it now?”

“Derek did you at least bring coffee if you’re going to make fun of us?” Spencer asks speaking directly into her stomach without even opening his eyes.

“Of course I did,” He holds up a carrier with two cups in it, “I thought you might need it after the night you had.  Just didn’t realize it was even busier than I thought.”

“Could you just leave the coffee, and give us ten minutes?” He still hasn’t moved.  Although a shift of her hips explains why that might be.

Derek seems to get it, so he walks in, sets the cups down, ruffles Spencer’s hair and leaves with a laugh and, “We need to get over to the house soon sleeping beauties.”

“Hey, how are you feeling this morning?” She goes for normal.

“My arm is a little sore but I’ll make it,” He jokes.

She runs a hand over his back and says, “Alright well I’m going to go get breakfast.  Meet me downstairs?  I’ll try to save you some pancakes.”

CMCMCM

The thing about Derek is that everyone else seems to think that he can be insensitive.  And maybe that’s true when it comes to other people, but with her and Spencer? Insensitive is the last adjective she would use.

Tease is much more appropriate.

On the way to the house Derek does make a few comments, mostly innocent jokes that make Spencer blush.  But they’re all covering a very real seriousness that Penelope knows he’s going to address the second he has the chance.

If there’s one thing Derek Morgan will never tolerate it’s someone hurting Penelope or Spencer.  Even if the person hurting them is well, them.

Which is why she is not at all surprised when, after helping her out of the car Derek grabs Spencer to go check something in the back of the house.

And really, they’re both profilers so if they don’t know that she’s eavesdropping then shame on them.

Derek starts out by showing Spencer a real issue to catch him off guard, they talk about it and then he asks, “So you and Penelope huh?”

She can hear Spencer rolling his eyes, “Oh yeah, Penelope and I had hot monkey sex last night couldn’t you see all the evidence when you walked in on us fully clothed this morning?” He says lightly and Derek laughs.

“That’s not what I mean kid.”

Things go quiet for a moment and Penelope can only guess so to what’s happening but then Derek sighs and says, “Look I’m not making fun but have you ever, you know, slept with a woman before?”

Penelope can see Derek’s intense look, can picture Spencer’s light scoff as he says, “Yes actually I have.”

“Okay then, you know that it can be intense,” Derek seems to be trying very hard to be serious.

“Yes Derek, I know the emotional complications that can arise from sharing a bed with another person,” Spencer doesn’t sound upset so much as amused.

“Look kid, you’re both adults and you two have to make your own decisions.  I get that.  You’ve already made a huge one together and I think it’s turned out pretty well so far.  I just don’t want either of you being hurt.”

“Derek,” He starts, sounding much more serious, “Penelope is going to be the mother of my children.  And sometimes I need to feel, connected I guess.  To them mostly but also to her. She and I are a very different team now. And sleeping in same bed helps with that.  It helps me feel grounded.  Reminds me why we do the things we do.  Helps me feel close to them.  So I’m going to keep doing so as long as she’ll let me.”

“Alright pretty boy, just promise me that if you feel like you’re getting in too far you’ll talk to someone?”

Spencer must nod because the next thing she knows Derek’s yelling, “Baby girl you got anything to add?”

She walks into the room in boots that she borrowed from Dave.  The horror.  

“Derek I love you and I love that you care about us, really I do.”

“But?”

“But nothing.  I think my baby daddy already put you in your place.”

Derek just laughs and throws up his hands, “Is that how it is?”

She smiles and gives him a hug, “Unless you want to join us sometime.  I’ll talk to Savannah but I’m sure she’ll be fine with it.”

CMCMCM

Later that night, after spending a good chunk of the day at the house putting together the finishing touches so that they could start painting the next time they’re off, and then making a stop at her favorite shoe store whereupon Derek tried to give Spencer a lesson in the art of women’s shoes, they end up in her room at Dave’s again.

“You know with us so close to moving in the house you might want to talk to Dave about just staying here for the next few weeks.  Save on rent.”

He’s going through her yarn and pulling out a few different colors he likes but he looks up to say, “That may not be a bad idea.”

They go about their business for a while, Spencer knitting what looks to be a fire orange hat and Penelope playing a game on her laptop when Spencer asks, “Do you think it’s weird?”

“What?” She asks still half paying attention to her game.

“Us.  You know.  Sleeping in the same bed.”

She presses pause to look at him, staring down at the hat he’s knitting, and says, “I don’t know.  Maybe.  But I like weird and I certainly don’t think anyone other than us gets to decide what we do and do not do in our own beds.”

“It’s just that I told Morgan that I had slept in the same bed with a woman before, but you know I meant you.  You’re the only one.  Maybe even the only one I could imagine doing this, any of this, with.  And he’s right, there are emotional complications that can arise from situations like this.”

“Situations like what?  Two people who love each other dearly deciding to have a beautiful intelligent baby together, or those same two people lucking out and getting two for the price of one, or maybe those two people deciding that hey our lives are forever tangled and we need some comfort let's find it in each other?  One of those situations?” She asks softly.

“Yeah, one of those.”

“Well, you’re right there are emotional complications in situations like this and the fact that we’re sharing a bed on occasion and maybe even the fact that you never have before ups the ante.  But you’re a gambling man right sweetcheeks?”

He blushes and looks back down at his hat, “Not really, not in situations where I can’t count the cards.”

She sighs as a thought forming unwittingly in her head, “Is this about you know, her?” She asks hesitantly.

“Maybe a little.  Not that I don’t want to be doing this with you because you’re great and you’re going to be a wonderful mother.  The best I could ever hope for, but I sort of had this picture in my head you know?  I wanted kids, with her, and for a while after she died I thought that I would never get them.  For a while I thought I didn’t want them if I couldn’t have them with her.  It hurts sometimes.  When I realize she isn’t here.”

“Oh sugar snap, it’s okay to feel like that.  You’re always going to miss her.  Did you ever grieve for yourself?  For the life you thought you’d have?” He’s still sitting across the room in her chair but she moves a little closer, to the edge of her bed.

“I thought I did.  I grieved for her and myself.  But it’s all coming back to me now.  Did you know I visited her Dad?  Before I asked you, I went to him.  I don’t know why.  Her mom passed away a few months ago from the cancer.  He’s still angry.  He wouldn’t even see me.”

“Oh Einstein,” She holds her hands out for him, hoping but not expecting that he’ll come to her but he does. She moves over to make room and he fits himself under her arm.

“It’s just I started having this dream a little while after she died. We’re in bed together. Just laying together you know?  Like you and I did this morning. Her arms are around me and I can hear her heartbeat.  And I just feel so at peace.  Then I wake up and I realize that I’ll never get to feel that in real life.”

She’s at a loss for how to respond to that so Penelope grabs his hand and puts it on her belly where the twins are moving around.

“But I did this morning.  At least a piece of it.  And I think I could again if you’ll let me.”

“Oh genius of course I’ll let you.  It’s not like this bed isn’t big enough for both of us.  Besides the babies like having you here.”

“Really?” He sounds so hopeful that she wants to cry.

“Oh yeah, they’re more active when they hear your voice.  When you call to talk to them I can feel them going crazy in there. They like having you around.  So do I.”

“So you don’t think it’s weird?” He asks again.

“No. But even if I did we sure as hell aren’t going to stop.”

CMCMCM

The next morning at breakfast Spencer broaches the subject of staying at Dave’s in that few week gap between his lease ending and the house being ready.  Dave, predictably, says yes but then follows it with, “You might as well if you two are gonna sleep in the same bed anyhow.  But if you do get up to anything, close the damn door.”

There’s not anything else said about the subject.

CMCMCM

Dave hires a moving service so he won’t have to help pack around Spencer’s books.  

Derek looks disappointed at the news but everyone else seems relieved.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I lied. I didn't want to leave it there. Now this really will be the last update until Monday :)

Penelope spends a fair amount of time with Savannah.  Especially when the team is away. Penelope certainly likes her more than most of Derek’s past girlfriends.  She’s intelligent, hot, and perhaps most importantly she can keep up with him in a way that not a lot of people can.

Just because Derek isn’t her, or Spencer, doesn’t mean he isn’t damn smart and one of the best in his field.

But then so is Savannah.

Maybe that’s why Penelope likes her so much.

The thing is when you’re friends with a family member’s significant other, specifically one that they aren’t married to, there are certain boundaries.  And while Penelope has never been one for upholding boundaries there are certain lines that even she won’t cross.

So, she and Savannah see one another and they talk.  They go out to movies when the team is gone and they meet up for dinner on occasion, both with and without Derek.  Penelope even lived with them for while. Before. But as well as she knows Savannah she doesn’t really know Savannah.

Penelope doesn’t know what her favorite color is, or why she decided to be a doctor or even if she wants to get married or have kids someday.

More to the point, they don’t call each other at 3am unless they’re at a bar or Derek’s forgotten something as his way to the jet.

When the phone rings Penelope answers groggily thinking it’s a case only to hear Savannah’s calm but tearful voice on the other end of the phone.

“Penelope did the team catch a case?” She asks softly.

“No, we’re on stand down after that last one.  Why?”

“That’s what I thought,” Savannah chokes out a gentle sob.

“Whoa, whoa, what’s wrong?  Is Derek okay?” Her mind races and she reaches over to shake Spencer awake.

“He just left and I don’t know where he is,” She breathes in Penelope’s ear.

“Okay, okay.  What happened?” She gets out of bed, dragging the covers off of Spencer in the hopes of rusing him so she doesn’t have to deal with this alone.

“We got into an argument a few hours ago.  But we dealt with it.  Then I woke up and he was just gone. Penelope he’s never done anything like this. The only time he’s ever left in the middle of the night is for a case and even then he wakes me up to say goodbye.”

“What was the argument about?”

“Nothing.  Everything.  I don’t know.  Do you know where he is?”

“No, but Spencer’s here with me.  We’ll find him.”

“Thank you.”

“Just stay there in case he comes home.  Call if you hear from him alright?”  That makes sense doesn’t it?

When she hangs up Spencer is still dead asleep, spread eagle, with his good arm thrown over his eyes.

“Wake up,” She grunts, throwing her pillow at him.

He jumps up into a sitting position, “Whoa, whoa.  Case?” He asks staring at her.

“No, no case,” She rolls her eyes as he nods and moves to go back to sleep.

“Hold it mister.  Derek needs us.”

“What?  Derek has awesome abs.  He doesn’t need us,” He waves his hand in the air and ends with it over his eyes.

“Yes he does have awesome abs but he still needs us,” She reasons kicking her shoes out of the closet.

“No he doesn’t.  Derek always knows what to do.  He’s fine,” Spencer rolls over on his side away from her.

“Spencer he ran out of the house in the middle of the night without telling Savannah.”

That gets his attention, “Okay,” He rubs his hand over his eyes, “Maybe he does need us.”

“Ya think?  Now come on you have to drive me.”

“What? Why?” He finally sits up.

She stops trying to change shoes to sigh, “I know you don’t like driving but I can’t get behind the wheel anymore.  So let’s get moving.”

“But we left your car at the BAU,” He argues putting his own shoes on.

“So we’ll take one of Dave’s.  He won’t mind,” She gets frustrated and kicks the shoe at Spencer.

He rolls his eyes but moves to help her get it on, “Don’t you think we should wake Dave and ask if we can take his car?  He might even want to drive it himself.”

“Spencer, Derek needs us right now.  And I am not going to wake anyone else up until I know what the hell is going on.  So come on.” She orders, stomping out the door.

Spencer follows closely like she knew he would, “But you didn’t have any problem waking me?” He whines.

“Of course not.  We’re partners in crime now,” She grabs Dave’s keys off the hook in the kitchen.

“Are you sure we should be doing this? I feel like I’m a teenager stealing my dad’s car,” He takes the keys from her and follows her out the door.

“That’s because you are stealing your dad’s car. Now come on.  What do you think he’s gonna do?  Call the cops?  Ground us?”

“Well he could,” Spencer argues starting the car, “Do you want to give birth in jail?  Because I don’t want that being the first thing my children see.”

“They’d live.  Now come on Grandpa.”

Penelope’s still trying to figure out where to start looking when Spencer pulls the car into their new driveway.

“Why are we here?”

He just levels her with a look, “This is the only property he’s actively working on.  The other two are closing this week. It’s not like him to go drown his sorrows at the bar. So unless he flew back to Chicago this is it.  Plus his car’s still at home and this is the only place in walking distance.”

Damn profilers.

He walks around to help her out of the car and she really wants to slap his hand away but she legitimately needs help getting up.

He follows her closely as they walk inside.  Once they enter the house it’s no mystery where Derek is, they just follow the music to the second floor and down the hall to the room they had dubbed the nursery.

Which is exactly where they find him, with a can of paint and a brush in his hands.

“You know Santa won’t come if you don’t go to sleep,” Penelope says to get his attention.

“Hey guys,” He greets somewhat warily, “What are you doing here?”

“Savannah called.”

“What?” He reaches into his pocket, “Oh I guess I left my phone at home.” He sets the brush down and wipes his hands on his shirt.

“Yeah, when you left your girlfriend alone in bed without even a note on Christmas Eve,” Penelope retorts.

“Look, doll face, I appreciate the concern,” He starts.

“Derek,” She cuts in before he can get to the ‘but it’s none of your business.’

“What happened man?” Spencer asks from behind her.

Derek stands there for a moment staring at them. He looks from Spencer, to her, back to Spencer, and then to her stomach.  

Nothing has ever felt so good as getting it before Spencer does.

“Oh my God!  You knocked Savannah up! It’s a Christmas miracle.”

She can see the mildly annoyed look on Spencer’s face and it makes it sweeter.

Derek just runs a hand over his face and nods.

“So what are you all gonna do about it?” She asks.

“I don’t know,” Derek walks over to the window, “She wants to keep it.  She thinks we’re in a good place right now.”

“But?” Penelope prompts.

“But nothing.  We are in a good place right now.  And after the last year we deserve something good. There is no reason that we shouldn’t have and keep this kid.”

“Only you’re scared as hell,” Spencer throws in looking slightly smug.

Derek doesn’t raise to the bait.  He just nods and says, “Yeah kid I’m scared as hell.”

“Join the club,” Both she and Spencer say at the same time.

“How?  How do we fit a baby into our schedules?  I mean we can’t even plan a vacation.”

“What did Savannah say about that?” She asks before offering suggestions.

“She said that she could reduce her hours at the hospital.  She’s an attending now it wouldn’t be that difficult and that we would hire a nanny.  But, I can’t let her do that.  She loves her job.”

“Then you quit yours,” Penelope says like it's obvious only to be met with stunned looks from both men.  Spencer looks slightly betrayed but Derek looks horrified.

“That’s the only other option Derek. Either you transfer to another team, which you obviously don’t want to do,” She throws in for Spencer’s benefit, “Or you do things the way she’s already planned. Trust me she wouldn’t have offered first if it wasn’t what she wants.”

“You think?”

“Yeah I do,” She says, “Trust me we don’t say things like that if we don’t mean them.”  She takes the time to pat herself on the tummy.

“Look guys, I’m all for continuing this conversation but do you think we could move away from the paint fumes?” Spencer asks.

“Yeah kid.  You two go on I’ll be down stairs in a minute.”

Before she goes downstairs Penelope gives him her phone and says, “Call your baby mama. She was worried. You owe her one hell of a Christmas gift.”

“Of course,” He still doesn’t look particularly okay but she’ll take it.

When they get downstairs Penelope makes herself comfortable on the couch from Spencer’s old apartment while he walks around and looks at the living room.

“Looks nice.  Maybe we can be in before the New Year?” She says to herself than him.

“Maybe.  Though I would like to give it another week to dry.”

She makes a noise of agreement.

“You know what this means don’t you?” She asks when it hits her, “Our kids are going to grow up together.”

Spencer looks over and smiles, “Not only that but based on birthday’s they’ll likely be in the same class.  Who would have ever thought my kid would be the older cousin of Derek’s?”

“It does seem kind of ironic.  At least they’ll have built in friends,” She jokes.

“How do you think he’s really doing?” Spencer asks.

“I think he’s terrified.  But he’s Derek. He’s always wanted kids even if he didn’t know it.  They’ll be fine.”

Spencer nods, “It’s just sort of funny that it would happen now.”

“Well pregnancies usually come in twos.”

“Yeah but we already took two.”

She rolls her eyes at him and gears up to say something else when they hear footsteps.

They both look up as Derek walks into the living room holding her phone. 

"Alright will you give me a ride home?" He asks and Spencer snorts.

"Why do I get stuck doing all the driving," He whines but no one acknowledges him.

"Well the good news is that I can finally get JJ off my back," Derek says to Penelope.

"Oh that's true. She has been on you about being the only one without kids."

Derek nods and says, “Best Christmas gift ever,” as they walk out of the house and lock up.

He looks tired and worn. It occurs to Penelope that Spencer isn't the only one with Daddy issues and Derek is just as hardheaded.

Still, it's four in the morning on Christmas and right now it's more important to get him home to Savannah than it is to unpack 30 years of unattended emotional luggage.

CMCMCM

Dave's room is just down the hall from the garage and he's a light sleeper. Which means that he wakes immediately when he hears Spencer arguing with Penelope about taking one of his cars. 

If that didn't wake him the sound of the car starting certainly would have.

He knows them and he knows that they wouldn't be taking his car without permission unless it was an emergency. He also knows that if there were something wrong with the babies they would have woken him. Likely by screaming. 

And it can't be a craving because Dave himself did the grocery shopping and he knows that anything they could possibly want is in the freezer. 

Still the idea of Spencer Reid driving his car is unsettling.

So, an hour later when the car pulls back up he makes his way to the garage door and meets them with crossed arms.

When they open the door Spencer literally screams, and moves in front of Penelope. Then he turns back to her and says, "I told you it was a bad idea. Now he's going to ground us!" 

Penelope laughs in his face, grabs him and turns him around.

"Sir, I'm sorry we took your car. There was something we had to take care of. As you can see its in one piece," She lets go of Spencer's shoulders and gestures at the car.

It is still in one piece.

Dave just shakes his head, "You're still grounded. Go to bed."

Penelope nods and grabs Spencer's hand to drag him up the stairs. It's all Dave can do not to laugh. They certainly look happy enough that he decides not to worry about what they were doing until morning. 

CMCMCM

"You know he can't actually ground you right?" Penelope says to Spencer's disgruntled face as she closes their door.

Spencer huffs so she pushes him back into the bed and takes her shoes off to climb in after him.

"I can't believe Derek and Savannah are having a baby," She says when it becomes obvious that he isn't going to speak.

"I know. Everything's changing," He says quietly and it hits Penelope what's going on here.

"You know he isn't going anywhere right?"

"Not right now. But what about in 9 months?"

"10 months," She corrects.

"10 months," He agrees, "What about then?"

"Well in 10 month's we'll have 6 month old babies to worry about."

Spencer shifts uncomfortably.

"Oh," She suddenly gets it, "It's all changing too fast isn't it?"

He shifts again.

"It'll all be okay. You'll see. It always works out," She tries.

"Less than a year ago we almost lost him Penelope. We did end up losing Tara over the whole thing. We can't lose him again."

There's a part of Penelope that's annoyed. Her back hurts and her feet are swollen and laying on her back makes the babies press down on her nerves which just makes her legs twitch and Spencer talking about Derek almost dying in Tara’s arms two weeks before they decided to have a child isn’t helping that. It’s the last thing she wants to think about really. 

"We won't," She huffs. 

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I know Derek. He’s had a long hard year just like the rest of us but if he didn’t leave after that he isn’t going to leave because Savannah’s having his child. This job is as much a part of him as it is of you and me and Hotch and just like you, me and Hotch having a baby won’t take him away from us. If anything it’ll pull him closer."

She turns over on her side in the hopes of jostling the twins enough to stop her nerve pain and ends up using Spencer as a pillow.

“I hope you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right. I’m always right. Especially about Derek Morgan.”

Spencer rubs her back and the next thing she knows it's morning.

CMCMCM

Christmas with the BAU family usually isn’t all that big of an affair. They aren’t allowed to decorate the office too terribly much but Penelope will decorate her office, and she usually puts a few things up for Derek and Dave and most years she can slip a tree on Hotch’s desk without worry. 

But they don’t decorate their own homes. In part because as much as they travel they don’t have the time and even if they did find it they may not get the tree down until July but also because if given the chance most everyone goes elsewhere for the holiday. 

Derek normally heads to Chicago, Hotch to the Brooks family house, and JJ to Pennsylvania. 

It’s almost funny to think about now, it might even be an oman if she were looking for one but Penelope has spent the last five Christmas’s in her apartment with Spencer. 

Funny how life works out. 

This Christmas is no different really. Derek isn’t in Chicago but he is at his place with Savannah. JJ, Will and the boys are in Pennsylvania with her family. Hotch is at Jessica’s place with Jack and her father. 

Which leaves Penelope with Spencer and Dave, who didn’t have time to make it to California to see Joy, in Dave’s un-decorated mansion eating roasted chicken and potatoes while listening to some old jazz record that Spencer likes.

They exchange gifts rather quietly all things considered. Penelope gives Dave a vegan Italian cookbook that he laughs at and Spencer a new watch that he immediately puts on. 

Spencer gives her a basket full of giftcards for shoe stores that she’s mentioned in the past and Dave a record that he seems particularly grateful for. 

Then Dave gets up and carries in a box from his room.

“It’s for all four of you. Open it.”

Spencer nods towards her so Penelope rips open the medium sized box to find books.

“They’ve been in the attic for years. Carolyn put them up, you know after, and they’ve just been sitting there ever since. I’ve been meaning to give them away for a while now.”

Penelope wants to hug him but Spencer shakes his head and says, “Thank you Dave,” Instead. Dave nods and says goodnight before heading to bed.

CMCMCM

The next few weeks pass in a haze of Lamaze classes, research on labor and delivery, and keeping Derek's secret. They end up having to put off the move for another few weeks due to a pipe bursting in their new basement but at least it gives Derek something to do with his hands.

Truth be told Penelope could do without the Lamaze classes but Spencer is insistent and she understands that it makes him feel like he's doing something beyond running out at 3am to get ice cream. So she allows it.

Penelope spends a lot of time talking to JJ about babies and birth, JJ makes a few suggestions about delivery, most of which go something along the lines of, "Take the drugs, take all the drugs!" And then follows it up with lists of things that they’re going to need to make their lives easier. 

Sometimes JJ is a Godsend.

The idea of a water birth is intriguing but her hospital doesn't offer it as an option and as much as she likes the idea of a home birth Penelope knows that having twins at her age means the hospital is a far safer option. No matter how much Call the Midwife tries to tell her otherwise.

Eventually, after hours and hours on the phone with JJ and several talks with Spencer, she decides on a normal birth. The thought makes her cringe. The doctor assures her that it won't seem normal.

CMCMCM

Moving day is bittersweet for Dave. He never much cared about getting his house back. Even kinda liked having them nearby where he could keep an eye out though the house is big enough that he didn't have to see Penelope if he didn't want to. 

It will be strange to be alone again. She's been there for nearly a year. Spencer for months.

He hires a moving company even though it doesn't make a lot of sense too. Most everything is already in the house. All of Spencer's things and most of hers are already there from the last move. But it drives Derek crazy not to have anything to do. Which means the money's worth it.

He hugs her when she leaves even though he's just going to see her again in an hour. 

She looks ready to cry.

"You know you're always welcome here. All four of you. I could turn the hall closet into a nursery."

She laughs, "I know. But this will be good."

He reaches out a hand and she moves it to where the twins are apparently hitting one another.

"We were talking and we want them to call you papaw,” She says suddenly. 

"Really?" There might be something stuck in his throat. 

"Well what else would they call you?" She asks with a soft smile. 

"Thank you Penelope."

She smiles at him before getting in the car.

Once she's gone, being driven off by Derek and Spencer, Dave picks up his phone and calls Joy.

"Hey dad."

"Hi. How's Kai?"

“Actually we were thinking of coming to visit in a few weeks. Maybe after my niece and nephew are born?"

"I'd like that. I have the room. You could even stay if you want."

She laughs, "Well I don't know about that but we could stay for a week or two.”

CMCMCM

When they get to the house it's decorated with pink and blue balloons. There's glitter and confetti and a giant sign on the door that says "Welcome baby!" Only the y has been crossed out and 'ies' has been written in in orange sharpie.

Penelope turns around to see Derek and Spencer smiling at her. Spencer looks just as gobsmacked as she does. 

Which is when Emily Prentiss walks out the front door.

"Oh my God!" Is the only thing Penelope can say.

Emily grabs her in a hug and say, "I know. I can't believe it either but JJ worked it all out. May I?"

Penelope nods and Emily reaches out a hand to her belly and gives it a rub.

"Hello there. I'm your Aunt Emily, I've heard so much about you two and I can't wait to meet you guys."

"Emily, thank you so much," Penelope tries again.

Emily stands straight and smiles at her, "You didn't think I would miss this did you?"

Then she moves over to hug Derek and lug Spencer in the arm, "I can't believe you wait until I leave to start popping out babies Dr Reid."

"Ow," He exclaims rubbing his shoulder, "I'll have you know that it was all part of my diabolical plan to get you back. How could you resist genius babies?"

“You know I can’t. No one can,” She laughs. 

Derek looks a little uncomfortable when he says, "You may as well stick around because we'll be having another one of these in a few months."

"You're kidding!"

Derek breaks out into a smile, "All part of the plan to get you back."

Emily reaches over to hug him again, "I seriously can't believe this. You guys are evil!"

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Eventually JJ forces them all inside. She has games planned mostly because she knows Penelope likes them though they never seem to get around to actually playing them. 

Mainly because Emily isn't the only one that JJ was able to get there. 

Kate, Chris, Meg and the little man are here. As are Alex, Tara, and some of the women of her knitting group.

Penelope tries her best to walk around and greet everyone but her feet are killing her. Spencer must notice because he comes over and says, "Why don't you sit down. I'll send everyone over to you."

It's as good of a plan as any.

Savannah takes up residence at her side.

"So it only gets better then?" She asks tiredly. Penelope feels badly for her. The first trimester is rough. 

"Fraid so," She answers truthfully.

"Well I guess the end justifies the means," She says completely straight faced. 

"If you say so," Penelope laughs and rubs a hand over her babies.

Alex comes over then and sits on the coffee table across from her.

"How are you?"

"I'm wonderful," She smiles at the older woman.

"Well I'm sure that you're ready for them to get out," Alex says with a small knowing smile.

"Like you wouldn't believe. I haven't been able to sleep for days," She admits.

"Well you're almost at the finished line," Alex tries.

They make small talk for another couple of minutes before Alex leans in and gives her a hug. 

Penelope was never as close to Alex as Spencer was. And although she does still consider the woman family, once you're in you're in for life, she also is aware that as much as Alex cares about her she's really here for Spencer. So she points him out.

"Alex, it's okay. He's not mad," She says as kindly as she possible. Penelope is fairly sure that they’ve spoken since Alex left, at least she thinks she remembers him saying something to that effect, but she knows that they haven’t actually seen one another in two years. 

"No I know. I'll make my way over," Alex promises as she moves away.

That starts a parade of people all wanting to come over and rub her belly. Penelope has never really had a problem with people touching her but sometimes it can be too much and this is one of those times. 

The trend continues for a while, until Tara walks up with raised hands, "You think a room of profilers would notice that you don't want people grabbing your stomach."

Penelope laughs a little, "Yeah well I've always found that profiler's aren't as good with pleasantries as one would believe."

Tara laughs and says, "I've missed you guys a lot."

"We've missed you too," Penelope smiles at her. Tara leaving was a blow. Not only because she was the fifth person to leave that position in 5 years but also because of how that move came about. Tara wanted the job so badly but there's something about watching your friend almost die, with your hands inside them no less, that gets a person, makes them reevaluate. 

Well that and the DOJ was quite insistent that she complete her one year interview project. 

Penelope wonders if Hotch hasn't left that position open because he thinks the Defense Against the Dark Arts position is cursed or if it's in the hopes that one of the women in this room will want it again.

"Well tell me all about the babies," Tara asks.

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Alex does find Spencer, hiding away with Hotch, Derek and Emily in the kitchen. The four of them look like they've been caught when she walks in.

"Now you know you all should be out there with the party," She chides.

Hotch throws his hands up, "We're making the food."

Derek jumps in to say, "What he said," and Alex rolls her eyes.

"Don't worry we aren't drinking. Much," The woman that Alex has only met a handful of times tries to comfort.

"What are you drinking?" She gives in.

Emily smiles, "Pickle back shots. You'll love them."

"You really will," Spencer throws in. So Alex takes two of them quickly. 

Not half bad. That’s when JJ walks in.

"Oh no. We aren't doing this. You three," She points to Hotch, Derek and Emily, "Are bad influences. You can't get the father to be drunk at the baby shower. At least wait until it's over. Out. Now. All of you."

No one looks put off, in fact they're all laughing as they walk out of the kitchen leaving Alex alone with Spencer.

"So how are you holding up?"

Spencer shrugs a bit before saying, "Okay I guess. It's all a bit overwhelming but we'll have two children in less than three months so I guess I should get used to it."

"Yeah I guess you should," She agrees, "So you and Penelope?"

"It's not like that," He blushes, "We just each wanted a baby and thought why not do it together."

Alex nods. Makes perfect sense.

"You know it's funny," Spencer starts after he clears his throat, "After Maeve I never thought I would get here. But now I'm just scared because there are two of them."

"I think that Maeve would be happy for you," She sends him a smile.

"Really?" 

"Yeah I do. I read all of her letters so I think I had a decent handle on who she was and I think she would want you to be happy," She says. It must have been something he needed to hear because he nods. 

"Thanks Alex."

"But the two babies at once thing? That's terrifying," She laughs a bit. 

He just nods solemnly. 

"Luckily you have Penelope," She smiles.

He nods again.

"She seems to be doing well with the news," She prods. 

"Yeah she's been great. I think she's even happier that there are two. Maybe because she thinks they’ll never be alone,” He says. It makes sense. Alex was never as close to Garcia as she was to Spencer but it doesn’t take a profiler to see that as much as Garcia likes being alone to work she hates feeling truly alone. 

"And you?"

"I don't want them being alone either. But it might be easier on us if they came one at a time," He says sensibly and Alex nods. Makes sense to her. 

"So you were planning on more?"

He looks a little startled, "Well depending on how this one goes. Guess that doesn't matter now," He says with a small smile of his own.

"Well you still might want a third."

"I don't think so," He says matter of factly.

"Why not?"

"I just don't," He shrugs.

She considers telling him not to make any hasty decisions but then realizes that she doesn’t have a lot of room to talk so she settles for, “Well I’m sure that these two will be fantastic.”

“Yeah. I think so. How are you? How is James?” He changes the subject. 

“I’m good, he’s good, we’re good. We decided to be together again,” She isn’t sure why she’s telling him this other than he’s Spencer and she’s missed telling him things. 

“I’m glad. I want you to be happy.”

“It was never your fault you know?”

“I know.”

There’s so much more to say but they don’t get the chance to say it because JJ walks in looking apologetic and says, “Sorry but we’ve got to get the food out there.”

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Penelope's pretty much at her wits end when JJ steps up and says, "There's food in the dining room."

She breathes a sigh of relief and takes the moment to lean her head back before JJ waves a plate at her.

"Thanks," She says as she takes it.

"I figured you wouldn't be up for, you know, moving," JJ says looking utterly sympathetic.

"I'm not. But thank you for this. It makes me happy to have everyone together."

"I know. That's why we did it."

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Dave shows up an hour later, once the food is gone, and Penelope is in the middle of opening gifts. He walks in like he owns the place and immediately hands her a black box despite the fact that she has a bag of clothes in her hand.

"You bought us a car?" 

"No. I paid the down payment on a car that Spencer is now responsible for making payments on," He corrects.

Hotch snorts behind him but Dave waves him off.

Penelope looks over to her smiling baby daddy and accuses, "You knew?"

"You keep saying we need a new car," He defends with raised hands. 

"We do need a new car," She says getting up to go look outside.

"Gee thanks Dave, now the car seat I got them looks like ham!" Emily yells from across the room.

But Dave waves her off too, "It's not my fault you people didn't consider that I would be here."

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That night, once most everyone has left, JJ breaks out the wine. It's just them, Penelope and Spencer. It doesn't take long for Emily to feel like old times.

Penelope isn't drinking obviously but JJ seems to making up for it. Spencer has his usual one glass and then politely declines a second. Though he still looks a little gone from the 6 shots he had earlier. Luckily Penelope didn't notice.

"But you don't understand Penelope! Your vagina will never be the same. And you'll never be able to laugh without peeing again!" JJ exclaims from her place on the coffee table.

"Is it really that bad?" Penelope asks worriedly and Emily silently agrees with her.

"Never again," JJ looks at her seriously.

Spencer looks extremely uncomfortable next to Penelope and Emily can't help but laugh a little when JJ looks up at them and says, "Seriously you should do it one more time before you have them."

JJ gulps down another glass and continues, "They'll tell you that it'll go back to normal. But they lie."

"JJ I think we should change the subject. You're scaring the pregnant lady," Emily finally jumps in.

"Oh. Oh I'm sorry Penelope. I didn't mean to scare you. But you should know. They lie. And you should have sex one more time. It'll be a while before you feel up to it again."

"JJ," Emily cuts in.

"But it won't be all bad. You'll get off quicker after. At least I do."

Spencer's face turns red.

"JJ," Emily tries again.

She finally goes quiet for a moment. Emily sneaks a look over to the not-a-couple on the couch. Spencer is red faced and desperately looking for an out even though Emily knows that he won't leave the three of them alone with alcohol. She's not sure if that's something he does on his own or if that's something Derek and or Hotch has instilled in him.

Penelope just looks uncomfortable. But Emily can't tell if it's physical or emotional. It's probably both.

Eventually JJ, who has been sitting on the coffee table, decides that laying down is a good idea. So she does. On the coffee table. Spencer insists on her laying on her stomach, which she does without much complaint. Then she's gone and it's just the three of them.

"I hope she didn't scare you too much," Emily starts and Penelope waves her off.

"It's nothing I wasn't already worried about."

Emily gives her a sympathetic smile.

"Did she traumatize you?" Penelope asks Spencer.

"Very much so," He answers with a smile to let them know he's kidding.

Penelope reaches a hand up to Spencer's head and playfully pushes him. He just smiles at her.

When JJ let the news slip to Emily she was shocked. And concerned. And maybe a little left out. Had things changed so much since she left? Because never in a million years would she have thought that these two would be having a child together. 

There's something about watching them, the way they lean into one another that puts her at ease. She wonders if it was always there, under their noses, or if it's a new development.

"So Emily you're going to take the kids during the summers right?" Penelope changes the subject.

"Oh no way. I think two genius's is too much for me. I will come visit though," Emily laughs.

"You never know, they may not be genius's. They may be totally normal children," Spencer throws in and Emily can tell from the look on his face that if he were sober he wouldn't have said that.

"No but they will both be your children. So above average intelligence or no they're going to be troublemakers," Emily laughs it off. 

They keep talking for a while, until Penelope can't help but yawn and Spencer jumps in to say, "I think it's time for bed," At which point Emily observes Spencer help her up. She listens as he gets her PJ's out and they go through their nightly routine and then, eventually she watches them close themselves in the same bedroom. 

Huh.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning Emily wakes a very hungover JJ with coffee before the new homeowners emerge from their bed. 

"So how are you feeling?"

JJ groans and puts a hand to her head.

"That good?"

JJ groans again.

"So how long have Spencer and Penelope been sleeping together?"

JJ waves her off, "They've been sharing a bed for a few months. Derek handled it. He says they're okay."

Emily nods. If Derek's okay with those two sharing a bed then who is she to argue?

"What?" JJ asks quietly.

"It's just so different."

"Yeah. Everything's changing. People are buying houses and having babies. Babies are growing up," JJ agrees as she gulps down a mug of coffee.

"How's Hotch handling it?"

"His abandonment issues are at full staff. We keep trying to convince him that they aren't going anywhere, but..." JJ lays back down on the coffee table.

"And Reid's daddy issues?"

"Emily I love you but for the sake of argument just assume that everyone's issues are at def con 9."

Emily let's out a small laugh, "That bad huh?"

"No. It's good. It's really good actually. But there's something about Penelope and Spence deciding to have babies that's thrown everyone into hyder drive."

"Well I guess some things don't ever change," She jokes.

JJ smiles at her.

"What?"

"It's just you're right. You always are."

"Go back to sleep cheeto breath," Emily says running a hand over her friends hair.

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Later in the morning once the house is awake Alex shows up. 

Spencer isn't entirely surprised to see her. She is in town after all. In town to see them specifically even. The thought that she would want some one on one time isn't all that far fetched. 

"Hey," She smiles when he opens the door. JJ and Emily are helping Penelope move things upstairs. Or well, JJ and Emily are moving things upstairs while Penelope watches. 

"Hey."

"I thought maybe if you have some time we could get coffee or something," She offers and Spencer nods.

"Of course. Just let me tell them where I'm going."

Ten minutes later they're at a coffee shop a few blocks away. 

"So," She starts awkwardly and Spencer is torn between laughing and sighing. Alex used to be one of his closest friends and now they can't have a simple conversation?

"Alex I'm not angry. I've told you that before."

"No I know. I didn't think you were. You wouldn't be here...." She trails off, "But things are certainly different."

"Yeah I guess they are. Life's changed since the last time we did this."

"I'm glad that you've put your future ahead of you again," She says nervously, like she's afraid that she's saying the wrong thing.

"Yeah. Yeah, me too.”

They continue sharing tidbits, pieces of life that long distance friends share when they finally find the time for another couple of hours. 

It's not the same. But at least she's still here. It’s more than can be said for some people.

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Hotch had thought that the combination of Emily and Alex would help put some worries to rest. Or rather he had hoped it would as he hadn't really expected it would fix everything. 

Still Garcia was more likely to open up to Emily than anyone else and Reid was close to both women. Hotch really really wanted it to work.

However, judging by the phone calls that he received from both women after they had left, each saying something along the lines of, 'you need a plan' they hadn't made a lot of headway.

Perhaps it was asking too much. Garcia still didn't realize she had anything to work through and to expect that Reid would open up to someone who was not an everyday participant in his life, someone who had chosen to leave him nonetheless, was a fool's dream. 

Still.

Dave and JJ hadn't thought it would hurt and they were coming for the baby shower anyhow. 

Either way it goes Garcia is at 34 weeks now and there are decisions that have to be made. Most of which require him to be the boss instead of family. 

Garcia comes into his office followed closely by Reid, who looks as though he expects her to fall over at any moment. Hotch silently agrees with the thought even if he would never display it. 

Garcia looks more miserable than he's ever seen her before. She's tired and cranky, and she's even been snapping at Derek. She's always got her hands on her stomach, rubbing and groaning. She's still wearing heels even though she takes them off at every opportunity and leaves them everywhere. Hotch doesn't have the heart to say anything. 

Interestingly though, as the pregnancy has gone on she's gotten brighter. Her wardrobe has gotten more yellow and her hair has gotten bigger daily. Hotch isn't sure she even realizes it.

"Take a seat," He instructs, even moving around the desk to help her get situated. 

"Back off," She warns Reid as he hovers but Hotch backs away as well. Slowly so she doesn't realize.

"You wanted to speak with us sir?" Garcia turns to him.

"Well I thought it was time to discuss your maternity leave," He starts and lets himself feel a bit of silent amusement at Reid's grateful face. 

"I'm only at 34 weeks sir. The bureau only offers 6 weeks of maternity leave," She points out,” If I left now I would have to come back immediately after giving birth.”

"I realize that. However I was able to pull some strings and extend that to 8 weeks. Plus you have 12 weeks of vacation saved up that Section Chief Cruz would be willing to let you use as well. Unfortunately Reid you'll still only get the basic 2 weeks paternity leave however if you would like to you could use some of your vacation time as well. You used a lot of it last year though I believe you still have 2 weeks."

"What about the team?" Garcia asks.

"Well we would be bringing in Kevin Lynch to cover for you until you come back. As for Reid I was going to ask if you would mind consulting on cases from home if you decide to take more than 2 weeks. I realize it's not perfect but it's our best option."

"Of course," Reid answers.

"I can't take five months off," Garcia says suddenly, "I still have two months before my due date. I can't sit around the house until then while Kevin steals my job."

"Garcia I promise you your job is safe. Whenever you want to come back you can. However, I urge you to wait until after the babies are born to make any decisions about a return date. You may not want to leave them."

Reid looks grateful at Hotch's words and he wonders if they've had this conversation before.

"But can't you get someone other than Kevin?" She pleads.

Oh.

"Garcia, Kevin knows your system better than anyone other than you yourself. He's worked with the team before. It saves me from having to train someone else."

It is perhaps a dirty move, playing on her instinct to save him from unnecessary work but since they're finally getting at what's eating her Hotch doesn't feel badly about it.

"Okay. But just for that I'm staying another week."

Hotch nods, "No one is trying to force you out Garcia. You leave when you're ready to leave." 

"And could you maybe not tell him why I'm on leave?" She asks suddenly.

Hotch can see Reid tense up.

"If that's what you want. I won't give any details. May I ask why?"

"No reason," She grabs one of Reid's hands and uses it to pull herself up. Hotch stands with her.

"Just," She starts and then groans, "Nevermind. Come on Spencer."

Spencer follows her out with a glance to Hotch. 

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They've been talking for weeks about what to name the twins but it sort of comes to a head while the team is away on their latest case. Maybe because they realize that they're going to be meeting their little ones in 5 short weeks and they don't know what to call them or maybe because they're both tired and irritable and they need something to argue about. Who knows.

Penelope wants them to have matching names. Something cutesy. She also wants them to be named after people they love and be fairly unique.

"We are not naming our children Derek and Morgan," Spencer sighs. She'd only brought it up as a joke but it would complete her requirements. Kind of.

Spencer also wants to give them unique names. Names that mean something. He's tending to lean towards old fashioned names.

"We are not naming our daughter after your Aunt Ethel."

The solution comes in the way of Dave Rossi who grabs Spencer’s phone out of his hands and says, "Penelope you pick your daughter's first name and your son's middle name. Spencer you pick your son's first name and your daughter's middle name. Now will the two of you let the rest of us sleep!"

Then he calmly hands the phone back to Spencer who smiles and asks, "Does that work for you?"

When Spencer gets home that night Penelope is already in bed, having taken Hotch's orders not to attend the briefing seriously this time. The following morning she wakes him up by moving around though she looks apologetic when he groans. 

"Sorry. What time did you get home last night?"

"3:22 am," He recites more than answers. 

"So did you come up with anything?" She asks a moment later when she puts her feet on the floor. 

"I've got a couple of ideas. But we've got time. What about you?"

"There are a few I like. We'll see. But as far as time goes, I think maybe I should go ahead and go on maternity leave."

"Why?" He sits up suddenly afraid that something's wrong. 

"G-Man I can't move. I can't sleep laying down and I keep falling asleep at work. My feet hurt. And besides there are a million things to do around here to get ready. Hell we don’t even have the cribs assembled yet."

"I guess that's true. I just don't like you being alone right now," He admits hesitantly. According to his odds there's a 48% chance that he's going to get hit in the face with her pillow and another 16% chance that he's going to get hit in the face with his own pillow. 

Luckily he's wrong because instead she just nods and says, "I don't really feel like being alone either. But it'll only be a few weeks until Fran comes in and until then I'll have Savannah on speed dial."

Fran Morgan coming in to help out for a few weeks at the end of her pregnancy and beginning of their life as parents hadn't been their idea. In fact Spencer wasn't entirely convinced that it was Derek's idea either. But once she had heard the offer Penelope wasn't saying no. Neither was Spencer. 

"Okay. We'll talk to Hotch about it today then," He agrees. 

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Penelope doesn't want to leave for five months. In fact the thought of not seeing her office for that long is painful. She loves that office. She knows that Hotch is going to do everything in his power to hold her job for her and it isn't like she's going to be completely out of the loop. She shares a bed with another member of the team after all. But it's a big adjustment. 

It doesn't help that she already knows what Kevin Lynch will do when left in an office alone. It's like the trash multiplies all on it's own. 

Even knowing that Hotch is ready for her to go, and that the team is all aware that she'll be leaving soon doesn't make walking into the unit chief's office and saying, "I'm ready to leave for a while," any easier. 

The thing about Hotch is that he's very good at his job. And he knows his people. So he nods and asks, "What's bothering you?"

Penelope was never all that good at controlling her emotions before she got pregnant but now it's even more difficult. So it only takes a look from Hotch to have her spilling her guts, "It's just that Fran can't come in for another three weeks and I really don't want to be alone right now."

She hopes that he'll think that it's because she is nearing the end and needs help but silently admits that at least part of it is that she's feeling lonely and unneeded. 

Hotch just nods and answers, "Did you really think we would let that happen?"

Penelope does a double take and asks, "What?"

"Penelope," Hotch says with a sigh, "We have a plan."

The plan, as it turns out, is basically to turn their guest room into a revolving door. Hotch even has a spreadsheet outlining who will be staying when. Everyone's on it from Savannah to Hotch himself. 

It almost makes up for the fact that he's letting Kevin have her office. 

Once they're finished discussing the plan's details Hotch says, "I know you don't like the idea but I do have to call in Kevin."

"I know," She answers, "I know that he's the best other than, you know, me, and that the team needs the best. And I'm happy that I'm leaving you all with someone who I know can do the job."

Hotch stares at her for another moment before he nods and places a call. 

"Garcia you can leave if you would like," He offers and she's grateful for it. Even if she knows she can't. She has to see this through. For the team. They’re going to have to deal with whatever she leaves behind. 

"No. I should be here."

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While they're waiting on Kevin to come upstairs Hotch discretely sends a text to Reid and Morgan asking them to come up with Kevin.

He's got a bad feeling about this. 

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Derek grabs Spencer from the break area when he sees Kevin get off the elevator. Penelope had asked that Kevin not be made aware of why he was being reassigned so he's got a furrowed brow and a concerned look. Spencer looks pretty upset too but Derek decides he can only take care of one of them at a time and right now Penelope needs him more.

Derek pretty much drags Spencer to Hotch's office by the arm. It's a testimony to how upset he is that Spencer doesn't object to being treated like a kid. 

They get there just in time to see Penelope's reaction to Kevin's reaction to her current state. Which is mainly a steeled look. Hotch is standing behind her with a hand on her shoulder. 

"Wow Penelope. I had no idea that um," Kevin starts. 

She nods and says, "We should get started. You'll be covering for me while I'm on maternity leave."

"Penelope I thought you were sick," Kevin cuts her off, "Why didn't you say anything? I've been worried."

Derek almost snorts at that. Kevin no longer has the right to ask for details about Penelope's life. Even though he knows that she doesn't feel the same way. In fact her face right now says it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think," She says in a pleading voice.

"Didn't think what? That I care about you? That I might be concerned when I get asked to cover your job for an indeterminate amount of time?" He stops himself, "Nevermind. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm good. I'm happy."

"And the father? Is he good to you?" 

Derek groans when she can't help but look over to Spencer before she says, "He's the best."

Kevin doesn't miss it either but Derek is standing right next to Spencer so he says, "I knew it. I knew you two were up to something."

Derek's this close to stopping the whole discussion when Hotch clears his throat and says, "Special Agent Morgan is not the father of Penelope's children. And either way it goes that is not an appropriate discussion at this time. I have already let this go on too long. Mr. Lynch you know your way around I trust?"

Kevin nods sheepishly.

"Then I suggest that you go back to your office and get what you need. Your new placement starts now."

Hotch still has a hand on Penelope's shoulder and Derek's sure that it's all that's keeping her upright. She looks a little lost and dazed and for that matter so does Spencer next to him.

"Sir, I'm so sorry," Penelope starts.

"Garcia. I'm not angry. It isn't your fault. Now why don't you go get your things and Derek will drive the two of you home for the day."

She nods hastily and Hotch moves forward to help her up before Derek can get there. 

Once she's gone Derek turns to Spencer and says, "Hey kid..."

"Nothing, it's nothing," He answers with a shake of the head. Then he's gone in the direction of his desk.

Derek stares after him before he turns to see Hotch doing the same. 

"Do we have a problem?" He asks.

Hotch looks as lost as Derek's ever seen him when he says, "I don't know. Maybe."

"Damn it," Derek says with a sigh.

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There are hundreds of things running through Spencer's mind as Derek drives them home. Firstly he's worried about Penelope, who looks a little lost in the passenger seat. He's not sure if that's because she's leaving the BAU for presumably just as long as she was stuck there just a year ago, or if that's because she just came face to face with Kevin Lynch for the first time in just as long. 

He'd asked about Sam before they had decided to do this but he isn't sure why he didn't ask about Kevin. Kevin is the love of her life. What happens to Spencer and their children when she realizes that? Did he just ruin any chance of happiness she had?

He really should have known better than to assume that just because he had written off romantic entanglements she had. 

Penelope doesn't say anything on the way home. Mostly she glances back at the box of things that she couldn't live without from the office and then looks back at the road. 

Derek doesn't even try to make up for it and turns the music up for most of the ride. 

When they pull up to the house Derek walks them in. He holds Penelope's hand as they walk the stairs and Spencer follows with her box of goodies. 

Once they get inside and Spencer has taken down the alarm Derek says, "I guess I'll leave you two to talk. If you need me I'm a phone call away."

"Of course. Thanks sweetcheeks," Penelope smiles at him even though it's strained. 

Derek looks like leaving is the last thing he wants to do but he turns around and walks out the door anyway. Leaving Spencer and Penelope alone in the house. 

"Alright well I guess we should get started on dinner huh?" Penelope asks like everything is normal so Spencer goes with it.

"I don't really feel much like cooking tonight. Would you order in?"

"Thai?"

"Works for me."

They spend most of the evening separate, Penelope upstairs organizing the nursery or rather reorganizing the nursery and Spencer downstairs reading. 

That night at bedtime Spencer walks past the room he's been sharing with Penelope to the room that was always intended for him to use and tries to get comfortable on a new mattress. 

It almost works. Until he's rudely awakened an hour later by an irate pregnant woman throwing pillows at him. 

"What the," He says as he sits up.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? I've been waiting for you to come to bed for almost two hours!"

"I just thought I might sleep in here tonight," He answers simply. 

"But you never sleep in here. We've been in this house for weeks and this is the first time you've even walked in this room. Before that you haven't slept away from me in months unless you were on a case. I don't even know how long."

"152 days," He supplies. 52 days longer than he had with Maeve.

"152 days. It's been 152 days since we've slept apart while you were at home. What's the deal?" She asks losing steam. 

"Nothing I just thought that a night apart might be beneficial."

"We have plenty of time apart while we're working," She points out.

They’re quiet for another few seconds. Spencer tries to come up with something that sounds real but isn't the truth when Penelope sits down on the bed and says, "Is this about Kevin?"

"What? No of course not," He answers trying to slow himself down so she won't know he's lying.

"Spencer," She needles, "It's okay if it is."

"Do you regret this?" He asks.

Penelope immediately puts a hand over her stomach and says, "No. Do you?"

"No," He defends, "But I don't have anyone who might ever want to do this with me. You have Kevin."

"What makes you think I want to do this with him?" She answers with her hand still firmly on her stomach. 

"Penelope I was there. He's the love of your life. I just hate to think that I ruined whatever chance you have at happiness."

She grabs a pillow and hits him again, "You know for a genius profiler you sure as hell don't know how to read a situation."

"So explain it to me."

"Kevin asked me to marry him. I said no," She says with a huff.

"You said no because you were scared."

Another pillow hits his face.

"I said no because I realized that I didn't want to marry him. I didn't want to have children with him. I loved him. I still love him but when I thought about the future he wasn't in it."

Hell if he doesn't get that. Sometimes when he closes his eyes and thinks of the future Maeve's still in it. But the dream is fading fast. 

"Besides all that, I like where we are. I love these babies so much already. I like our life here together. I know it's going to change soon and I'm ready or as ready as I could possibly be. I wouldn't change this."

"Really? You would pick this over what you could have with him? You would pick me?" He didn't mean to say that last part but there it is. 

"Oh sweetums, we really need to work on your self esteem. Of course I would pick you. I already picked you. Now will you come to bed? I can't sleep when you aren't there. Neither can they."

"Really?"

"Seriously they fight all night if you aren't close by."

Spencer reaches down and puts his hands over the twins and says, "Come on guys give mommy a break."

They kick him and he laughs. 

"It's just, are you sure? Are you sure you would rather have this with me than someone you could have a real relationship with?" He tries one more time. He isn't sure why he's so intent on making her see but he needs to know.

"Spencer. We have two children, a mortgage, and a shared car. Hell we have a joint bank account. That's already a whole lot further than I ever got with Kevin. We're together in every way that counts. So what if we’ve never done the horizontal mumbo?”

He swallows and nods in her direction. 

"Now will you please come to bed?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently I lied. There will be more than 12 chapters. At this point it's looking like 15.

Penelope didn't fully see it until the words were coming out of her mouth. That doesn't change how true they are. She is in a relationship with Spencer Reid, and not only that but the most serious relationship she's ever been in. And he's never even given her an orgasm.

Seeing Kevin was like a bucket of cold water to the face. The only thing worse would have been seeing Shane.

Not because she regrets that she's not in a romantic relationship so much as the fact that she was forced to look at all of her decisions over the past year. She was forced to realize that they were not the decisions she would have made at 20 nor are they decisions she would have made at 30. But now she's almost 40 and well, things are different. She's different. 

The babies start to move around as she gets comfortable so she turns on her side to hopefully make them change positions which leaves her back to Spencer. Somehow over the next five minutes or so they end up spooning. It may have been her, it may have been him, who knows?

They lay there for a while, Spencer's warm breath hitting her neck and his leg and arm thrown over her. She's in that weird place between sleep and wake and she's pretty sure he's already gone to dreamland when he whispers, "I'm really glad it's you."

"Me too," She pauses, "I didn't want to tell Kevin about them because I didn't want a confrontation. Not because I'm ashamed."

"I know."

"I mean you have to work with him for the next few months and I don't want it to be weird for you," She continues.

"Penelope, I know."

"Okay good."

"So I was thinking about Alfie for our son," Spencer changes the subject.

"What's it mean?"

"It means wise. It also means elf council."

Penelope laughs and says, "I like it. I was thinking I want his middle name to be a family name. Any thoughts?"

"What are my options?"

"David, Aaron, Derek, and James were the ones I was thinking about."

"James?"

"After my dad and well you know."

Spencer nods into her hair and says, "Alfred Aaron sounds weird."

Penelope snorts.

"Alfred David and Alfred Derek aren't much better."

"So Alfred James it is?"

"Alfred James. We'll call him Alfie," Spencer agrees.

"Well that's one down."

"You got anything for our daughter?" Spencer asks after a long moment.

"I was thinking Bridget. I found it in a baby book."

"Means power and strength."

Penelope nods. That's why she liked it.

"So Bridget. What about Elise? Bridget Elise?"

"I do like it but why?"

"It's Emily's middle name."

"Oh man it'll drive her crazy. Work's for me."

"So Alfie and Bridget," Spencer says testing it out.

"I like them. They'll be easy to yell and not so common that every kid on the playground will look up," She says with a yawn.

CMCMCM

The next few days are quiet, peaceful even. There's no case and things at work are quiet. So Spencer can't quite understand the growing feeling of panic in his mind. 

It might have something to do with watching Michael have a meltdown and JJ looking at him and saying, "Soon you'll have two of these." 

Or it might have something to do with the fact that Penelope isn't in the office and is in fact home alone. What if something happens?

It also could have something to do with the glares that Kevin is sending his way though Derek seems eager to deal with them without Spencer's help. 

It continues for almost three days, to the point that he can't sleep without dreaming about the babies. They aren't good dreams either even if they aren't technically nightmares. 

Eventually, after he's tossed and turned for an hour Penelope turns to face him and says, "What the hell is the matter?"

Which is apparently all it takes to break the dam.

"What have we done?" He asks.

"What are you talking about?" She huffs. 

"Penelope. What have we done? We can't handle two children at once. Derek was showing me videos online with parents trying to change two diapers at once, and we're going to be those parents Penelope! We're going to be the parents trying to change two kids at once while the other crawls off the bed. We're going to be those parents at the grocery store that have to deal with one kid melting down while the other is running away. We can't do this. What were we thinking?" He's heaving by the end of it, out of breath and frantic.

Penelope just stares at him for a long moment before answering, "Spencer this was a well thought out decision. We want these kids and we're as able to take care of them as anyone else. Yes there will be times when we want to leave for a minute or to scream but I promise it will be worth it."

Logic comes into his head slowly. 

"Can I ask you something without you getting angry?" Penelope asks seeming wary and tired.

He doesn't really think before he nods. He really should have known better. 

"Is this about your father?"

Spencer sits up immediately, "No. Of course not."

Penelope struggles to sit up so Spencer sighs and reaches a hand out. Once she's in an upright position she says, "It's understandable if you're worried. I mean part of this started because of, well, you know. It makes sense that your father would be a part of what you're feeling less than a month before you become a father yourself."

It makes sense. It's logical. The profiler in him is proud. Beyond that it's almost too much. He sits in silence for long while and he can see that Penelope thinks she's said the wrong thing but she isn't apologizing which tells him it's something she's been worried about. 

It's seeing her rub her hand over her stomach that does him in though. 

"I don't wanna be like him."

Penelope looks shocked that he answered but smiles and says, "So don't be."

"That's easier said than done," He says with a snort.

"Okay so what did he do badly as a parent?" She starts off, leaning back to make herself comfortable.

"Other than leaving?"

"Yeah because we already know you aren't going to leave them," She says it so matter of factly that even Spencer believes her. 

"Well he was always critical, and he was always pushing me into doing things that I hated. Like baseball."

"So you make a resolution to be positive with them. I'll help you with that. As far pushing them we can talk about that later. They're nowhere near little league just yet. Anything else?"

He hasn't admitted this to anyone else, not even Hotch or Derek. Not even Gideon. He isn't sure why he's considering doing so now except that he's laying in bed with the woman that's a month away from getting birth to his children and he figures she has a right to know.

"He was weak. Mom needed him to be strong for her and he wasn't."

"You needed him to be strong for you too didn't you?" She asks quietly. 

He can only nod. 

"Look, what happened, what your father did to you that was about who he is not who you are. You are not weak. You're one of the strongest people I've ever met. You took care of your mom by yourself for years, you made decisions that most children shouldn't dream of. You took care of yourself and got yourself into a job at the FBI. You found your own family. You overcame a drug addiction. You did all that baby daddy, not William Reid."

Spencer nods again and Penelope huffs.

"Look you all keep telling me that all profiling is is noticing behavior right?"

"Yeah."

"Well all of your behavior indicates that you're going to be the kind of father that's always there for your kids. And that's all they need."

"Thanks Penelope," He says and he must be overcome with emotion because he feels compelled to lean in and kiss her on the cheek.

"Well isn't my heart singing? Now can we please go back to sleep?"

CMCMCM

"Sir we had a breakthrough last night," Penelope starts the conversation without a hello.

"Garcia?" Hotch asks.

"Sir?"

"Slow down and tell me what happened," He orders so she does. 

"That's good right?"

"Yes Penelope that's good," Hotch answers, "I think maybe we should keep it going though. There's a custodial we need done in Kansas. I think I'll send him out there with Rossi."

"That's a great idea," She compliments because it is. Usually Spencer can put things behind him after a good talk but this is different. This is William Reid. Keeping him talking is what's going to help here. David Rossi is the perfect person to do that. 

"Alright well I'm on the spreadsheet for tonight so I'll see you for dinner."

CMCMCM

Dave upgrades their tickets to first class for a few reasons. One he hates flying coach, two there's more privacy in first, and three because he can.

Spencer looks surprised at their seats though he doesn't say a word to that affect. 

"So kid wanna drink?" Dave asks because a talk like this is always better with alcohol even if Spencer normally turns him down. 

"I think I'm good."

"Your loss," He says as he flags down an attendant. 

"How much did Penelope tell you?" Spencer asks and Dave isn't surprised.

"Nothing," He answers truthfully.

"Hotch then?"

"Quite a bit actually."

"Well?"

"Well nothing," Dave shrugs.

"Look it's nothing alright. I dealt with it a long time ago."

"Uh huh."

"I did!"

"Yup, I know," Dave says agreeably.

"Then why are you badgering me?" Spencer huffs and throws his head back onto the seat.

"Spencer," Dave says simply.

Spencer sighs and says, "I just don't know if I can handle this."

There it is.

"Your name isn't William Reid you know. It's Spencer Reid and Spencer Reid has handled a lot more than a few dirty diapers and middle of the night feedings. Hell, I’ve seen you handle tantrums quite well before. If you can my tantrums you can handle your screaming toddler,” He tried to joke but it falls flat so he continues, “Kid, we're all scared going in. Imagine what it's like at my age with a daughter who already has a son of her own. The whole damn thing is terrifying. But you do it because it's worth it."

"I know. I know that staying away from risk only leads to a decline in the quality of life. But everyday it gets closer to her due date and..." He trails off.

Oh.

"You thought about running didn't you?" Dave asks hoping like hell that he’s wrong. It makes sense in some twisted way. The kid’s father ran, a month before becoming a father himself he thinks about doing the same. The thought was bound to pop up eventually. It happens to all parents.

The devastated look on his face answers for him. Dave has to be very careful how he responds. 

"It happens. We all think about it. Sometimes even after the kid is born. My mother used to tell us she was going to run away and never come back. Said it three or four times a day. I thought about from time to time before and after James," He stops and sighs, "I'd be willing to bet that Hotch did too. The important thing is that you're still here. So what a thought crossed your mind? A million thoughts cross your mind in a day and the more you try not to think about something the more you will so it was bound to happen. But you didn't act on it. That's what counts."

"But they aren't even here yet and I'm already thinking about what it would be like to leave them."

"Spencer you're human. Running away from our lives is something we all think about doing. I think it's important to keep in mind that you haven't actually met them yet. You haven't held them. That very well might change your outlook."

"I just don't want to be like him," He has such a defeated tone that Dave has to sigh.

"So don't be. The only one who can decide what kind of parent you're going to be is you. But you aren't alone. We're all here helping you."

Spencer nods. 

"And keep in mind that you subconsciously picked the one woman on the planet who could track you down and then send Derek Morgan to bring you home."

It's almost comical the look of acceptance that moves over Spencer's face as he says, "She would wouldn't she?"

"Oh I'm pretty sure she would change the laws of physics to get there faster."

"Okay so should we look at the case file?" 

CMCMCM

The BAU team doesn't do a lot of custodial interviews. They used to, back when it was just Gideon, Rossi, and Ryan in a bunker but now there are teams of people who specialize in that sort of thing. Tara being an example. 

Custodial interviews typically require a lot of time and effort and usually on a more consistent basis than the BAU can personally provide. However they are called in for special interviews, namely last interviews. Which is what this is. 

The custodials that the BAU takes personally tend to average two to three days. For obvious reasons. 

That leaves Dave and Spencer with a lot of time to talk. 

There was a time when the thought alone would have made Dave crazy but there was also a time when he would have told you that he would never live with Penelope Garcia. Things change and the Dave Rossi of today can admit that the David Rossi of yesterday was wrong.

They spend a lot of time talking about work, Spencer can be single minded when he wants to be, but they keep going back to his impending fatherhood. It's only to be expected Dave supposes. 

It some ways it reminds him of when they were expecting James and Steven. 

It's late into their second night there, and they're sitting at some diner that Spencer picked out because maybe he's picking up on something from Dave when Spencer says, "We came up with names."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Bridget Elise for our daughter."

"Emily's middle name?"

"Uh huh. Penelope thinks it'll drive her crazy."

Dave just smiles.

"And, uh, we were thinking Alfred James for our son."

Dave finds himself a bit stunned.

"Not just, but, well Penelope's dad's name was James as well but we won't use it if you don't want us to."

Dave takes a moment to let it go through his head. He's vaguely aware of Spencer rambling in the background but pays it no heed. 

"You know I never even got to hold him? I never got to hold Joy as a baby either. I didn't get to watch either of them grow up or do any of the firsts that dads get to do. So I would be glad to see another James grow up even if he calls me papaw instead of dad."

"Really?"

"Of course. Now eat your damn vegetables."


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The one you've been waiting for.

Hotch has always enjoyed spending time with Garcia. And though the past two days have been trying they haven't been an exception to the rule. She's a little cranky because it's difficult to move or sleep but it's all very understandable. Especially when faced with the very real fact that she may not have any real relief for nearly a month. The doctor doesn’t think it will be that long but she also doesn’t have a strict timeline.

He tries to do what he assumes Reid does, make things as easy on her as possible. So he and Jack scrub the house, go grocery shopping and cook meals for the upcoming week. They do all the laundry including all the baby stuff, and Hotch takes the time to assemble the cribs in the nursery and takes the car to the fire department to have the car seats installed. 

So he's pretty exhausted when Jack comes into his room at 4 in the morning and shakes him awake.

"Daddy, daddy wake up."

He blinks awake slowly and asks, "What is it buddy?"

"It's Aunt Penny. She sounds like she's in pain and I think she wet the bed because when I went to check on her the whole thing was wet."

It takes a minute for Hotch's brain to catch up enough to say, "Go get her go bag from downstairs and bring it up okay?"

Jack nods though he looks like he might cry.

"Buddy it's okay. I just think she's having the babies."

"But Uncle Spencer isn't here."

"Well I don't think we have a choice. Now go."

Then he forces himself out of bed and down the hall. He knocks before he pushes the door open.

"Garcia?"

She looks up at him and says, "Did Jack wake you? I told him not to. Nothing's wrong."

"Jack said your water broke," Hotch answers simply.

"Oh, yeah, but it'll still be hours and hours. Nothing can happen until Spencer gets here anyway."

"Okay," Hotch says slowly, "Well have you had any contractions?"

"I don’t think so. Just these spasms in my back. I’ve had them for almost two days. It's nothing."

"Okay well Penelope I think maybe we should call Reid and have him come home."

"Why?"

"Because you are in labor. At least I think you are. Now what do you want to take to the hospital?"

Penelope takes a minute to process before nodding to herself.

"Why don't you go get dressed Jack?" Hotch suggests and his son nods and leaves the bag on the floor.

"Okay let's get you up," Hotch suggests as he stands and reaches a hand out to her.

"We need to call Spencer," Penelope says.

"I'll call Reid once we get to the car," Hotch promises.

"Okay, okay. He can't miss this. He'll never forgive himself," She rambles. Hotch reaches a hand out to stop her. 

"Garcia get dressed and get your bag together. I'll call him now."

"Okay. Okay, right get dressed," She spins in a circle looking around at the room. 

When she gets to the dresser and pulls out a dress Hotch walks outside and closes the door. He leans back and takes a breath before he pulls his phone out. This doesn't exactly help his case to keep them both. Though there's no use in dwelling on that right now. 

"Dave, how fast can you get back here?"

CMCMCM

Spencer doesn't wake easily if they aren't on a case. Dave knows this from vast experience. It's no different when Dave wakes him and tells him they have to get home as soon as possible. 

He's already called and booked new flights that leave out at 6am which gives them roughly an hour to get to the airport. So that's one less thing for him to think about.

"Spencer you're gonna be a dad today!" Dave finally yells through the door. He's getting ready to go get the spare key when the door opens to a frantic Spencer Reid.

"Now? She's in labor now?" He doesn't wait for an answer before he's turned around and stuffing things in his bag. 

"Her water broke an hour ago. She's having contractions but they're still ten minutes apart. Hotch is taking her to the emergency room now."

Spencer stops and catches his breath. 

"It's only a 3 hour flight. We'll make it. I've got us tickets on the 6am."

"Okay. Okay. Where's my phone?"

Dave walks further into the room and hands him his phone from the nightstand. He doesn't even acknowledge Dave as he takes it and dials.

"Derek, I need you to go to meet Hotch and Penelope at the hospital."

Derek must ask whats going on because Spencer answers, "We're taking the next flight. Just make sure one of you is always with her okay? She can’t be alone."

Dave can literally see him sag with relief as he hangs up and calls Hotch. He goes on back to his own room to finish packing while they talk. 

CMCMCM

Penelope is not afraid to admit that she's scared. Hotch and Jack walk her to the counter and accompany her upstairs to maternity where upon Hotch finds a waiting room for Jack to lay down in while he gets her settled and calls Jessica.

Jack is as sweet as can be as he reaches over to kiss her cheek and say, "Good luck Aunt Penny."

"Thank you sweetums."

It's rather sweet how Hotch fusses over her after he gets Jack settled. He tucks her in and goes to get her ice chips. He even fluffs her pillow.

She considers calling JJ but it's five am and JJ has a toddler who's just sleeping through the night so maybe later. Derek is also a possibility though she doesn't really want to scare him halfway through Savannah's pregnancy. 

"Thank you Sir, for doing this."

"Garcia I wouldn't leave you alone," He states.

"Yeah, but being in the same room is different than holding my hand," She observes. 

"Penelope," Hotch sighs, "You're my family and you need this so of course I'm going to do it."

Penelope nods and leans back on the bed. 

"So it doesn't have anything to do with you feeling guilty about sending Spencer away?"

He doesn't answer.

"He'll make it you know? This will take hours. He'll be here. And you sent him on that trip because I should have had another three weeks and he needed some time to clear his head. I know that."

"I know that too, now let's get you settled. The doctor will be in soon to check you again."

Derek gets there when the doctor walks in. He moves to leave but Penelope waves him in.

"If Hotch can be here so can you sweetcheeks. And don't think that means you can leave," She reaches out a hand to stop the unit chief.

"How are you doing baby girl?" He walks over to stand near her head.

"So far so good. How did you even know? I wasn't going to call you until later."

"Oh you know, I have eyes and ears everywhere."

"Spencer called you didn't he?"

"He's worried and he didn't want you left alone for even a moment so he thought two heads would be better than one," Derek answers with an eyeroll.

"Well don't call JJ yet I don't want her rushing down here too. This might take until tomorrow."

"Actually," The doctor, not her doctor but the on call doctor, cuts in, "You're dililated seven centimeters. Now you said you were only two centimeters at your last appointment two days ago so your birth is actually moving pretty fast. I'd say we might have babies by dinner time."

"As long as my baby daddy has three hours to get here," She waves the doctor off. 

"I don't think that will be a problem," The doctor finishes writing in her chart and pats her on the leg before throwing in, "I would get some rest if I were you."

As soon as the doctor has walked out Hotch says, "Are you sure you wouldn't rather have JJ here?"

"Yeah princess she's been through this before she'll probably be more help than we can," Derek seconds.

"No, no I'm going to need her later cause you two sure as hell aren't going to be in here when I'm pushing. So let her sleep for now," She answers because it's the easier than saying that she's scared and she wants the two of them to stay close.

They all sit around for a while. Hotch goes to check on Jack who is apparently sleeping soundly in the waiting room and being looked after by one of the nurses and Derek finds something on TV. 

Penelope's just starting to fall asleep when the first painful contraction hits. It doesn't last long but if it's a sign of things to come she's done.

"I changed my mind I want the epidural," She says with a hand gripping Derek's.

"Are you sure?" Hotch asks mainly because he knows that she wanted to do this naturally.

"Yup, totally sure," She glares at him.

"Alright I'll go find a doctor," He says with a serious nod.

CMCMCM

By the time the flight lands Spencer is frantic. There are a million scenarios going through his head, some of which involve him getting there to find that he's missed their birth, and some of which are far more upsetting.

Dave spent most of the flight trying to calm him down, putting his hand on Spencer's arm and having the flight attendants bring him things. In fact Spencer's 58% certain that if it were a longer flight Dave would have slipped a sleeping pill in his water. 

As soon as they're able Spencer calls Derek and Dave calls Hotch only to get the same answer, it's okay, she's doing well, it will still be hours before anything happens. 

Still there's something in Derek's voice that puts Spencer on edge even if Dave doesn't look concerned.

"Will you stop already? They both said she's fine!" Dave finally loses his cool. Spencer stops grabbing at his seatbelt and forces himself to sit still.

"What if they're lying?"

"Do you honestly think that Derek Morgan could lie about something happening to Penelope?" Dave asks with a look in his eye and Spencer almost wishes that he felt spiteful enough to say that Hotch would except he doesn't.

"I suppose not," He finally admits.

"Now we'll be there in twenty minutes," Dave says before softening and continuing, "It'll all be okay. You'll see."

"You can't know that,” He says. It’s mean and he knows it but he has only a small amount of control left and it’s all going to stopping himself from getting out and walking.

"No, you're right I can't. But I do know the facts here. Penelope has had a relatively easy pregnancy especially when considering her age and the fact that it's twins and I do know that her doctor is showing no cause for concern. Her blood sugar and blood pressure are fine. Aren't those the two things most likely to go wrong?"

Spencer doesn't trust himself to answer so he nods.

"So there you go, it will all most likely be fine."

CMCMCM

The doctor has her bent over a table as she puts the catheter in. Derek is in front of her, holding her hand when Spencer walks in. Dave's behind him, trying to stop him but Spencer isn't paying attention.

He doesn't even blink as he walks over and takes Derek's place in front of her.

"Hey, I see you gave in to the epidural," He smiles at her so Derek moves back and ruffles his hair. Spencer pays him absolutely no mind.

"Yeah I'm a wimp. The first painful one hit and I just knew," She kind of laughs it off.

"You did great Penelope," The doctor interrupts.

"Really? It's in?"

"It's in," The doctor confirms.

Derek moves to her other side and helps her into bed. Spencer looks pretty wild, hair sticking up in every direction and nearly shaking so Derek decides that they need a minute alone and excuses himself. He isn't sure that either of them notice. 

"You sticking around?" He asks Hotch and Dave when he gets to the waiting room.

"For a while at least," Hotch answers, "Jessica picked up Jack an hour ago and I feel like they both need us."

"Ain't that the truth," Dave throws in, "I'm not going anywhere until they tell me to leave. You shoulda seen the kid on the way here. No way."

"That kid's gonna be a dad in a few hours," Hotch says with a small smile that makes Derek do a double take.

"So am I. Well in a couple of months," Derek says softly. They weren't planning to tell anyone else for a couple of weeks but he can't help himself.

Dave leans over to hug him and Hotch says, "Congratulations Derek."

"Thanks. I understand why Spencer's been so crazy lately now that I’m going through the same thing."

Hotch shrugs, "It's normal. We all feel that way."

They sit quietly until Hotch says, "Can you imagine Garcia as a mom though?"

Derek can imagine it, has been imagining it for months and he says, "Luckiest kids in the world."

"Without a doubt," Dave replies.

"Well I'm going to go check in," Hotch stands and moves to the door.

CMCMCM

Spencer helps Penelope get comfortable and takes a seat in the chair next to her.

"How bad is it?"

"Not so terrible yet. So far it's been more annoying than anything. We also might need a new mattress. My water broke in the bed."

"I'll send Derek before we go home," He promises.

"Oh, this is weird. I can't feel anything," She sounds mesmerized.

Spencer laughs at her, a bit of relief at having made it and everything being okay coming through.

"I'm glad you're here. I was scared you wouldn't make it," She admits.

"Me too," He answers, "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you."

Penelope waves him off, "It's fine. I had Jack looking in on me. Besides all that would have happened had you been in bed with me is that you would have gotten covered in fluid."

"Well I'm glad that Jack was there at least."

"Would you mind calling JJ? I haven't yet," She asks.

"Sure," He answers and takes out his phone.

CMCMCM

Most of the next 12 hours passes in a similar fashion. Both Spencer and Derek freak out, though at different times and for perhaps different reasons. JJ comes in and Savannah stops by after rounds to see JJ hit Derek on the arm and say, "I can't believe you didn't tell me. Congratulations!"

They all take turns in the room with Penelope so as not to overwhelm her though Spencer doesn't leave very often.

Dave plays poker with her, and tells her she's that she's gotten better. JJ keeps fluffing her pillows and holding her hand and Derek watches an old movie with her. 

By the time Hotch comes in with her approved dinner she's pretty exhausted.

"Reid's eating in the waiting room. I think Morgan's teasing him," He informs her and she smiles.

"Good. He needs to let out some energy."

"Who? Reid or Morgan?" He asks far too innocently.

"Both."

He helps her sit up and puts her tray together.

"The doctor will be back in a minute," She tells him.

He nods and sits down on the end of her bed. For some reason she flashes back to being locked up in that room at the BAU.

"You know I never really thanked you for looking out for me."

"You never had to Garcia."

"I know but I should have. I've been thinking a lot lately about my parents, how much I wish they were here to see all this, and I keep going back to how they died."

Anyone else would have cut her off here but it's Hotch and he knows that she needs to say this so he nods at her.

"They died looking for me because I had run out that night. I didn't get to say goodbye, and the last thing I said to them was that they were awful parents. I've tried ever since to make sure that my last words to people are at least happy. But I think that as much as I've tried to make sure this job didn't change me it did because we're around death so much that it doesn't faze me the same way anymore. But I want to be better for them and part of that is thanking you for looking out for me."

"You're welcome. I'm just sorry that I couldn't do a better job," He says and she knows he's thinking about the hitmen ring and her being in witness protection. And well, everything that came after.

"I know. I know you pretty well you know? But even you don't have the power to stop all the bad things in the world. And that wasn't entirely what I was talking about."

"Oh?"

"The last few days, my entire pregnancy, the last 13 years, putting me on the team at all, keeping me out of prison, all of it."

"It was my pleasure."

"I know that too," She smiles at him.

"You really are going to be a great mother you know?" He says suddenly.

"Remind me of that next year," She laughs.

CMCMCM

By the time she's ready to push it's nearly midnight and the only people in the room with her besides the nurse are Spencer and JJ. 

They've each got one of her legs and are helping her push as much as possible. Spencer's got one of his hands in hers. JJ does her best to help.

At some point Spencer tries to tell Penelope to breath but she screams, "Shut the fuck up! This is all your fault anyway!" And it's all JJ can do not to laugh.

Spencer doesn't seem to take it personally though, just keeps holding her hand and JJ is vaguely impressed. She also wonders what she said to Will in the same moment.

She can't remember and he'll never tell.

Finally after thirty minutes of pushing Penelope yells, "I can't do this. Spencer I need you to do this for me."

"I wish I could Penny I really do," He answers with sweat on his forehead.

"Penelope you can do this," JJ cuts in, "You can."

Spencer seems to get with the program then because he seconds it with, "You are so strong Penny. You can do this."

She's passed the point of tears she's sobbing so hard but she tries to push again.

"Penelope you just need one good push," The doctor says. 

"Spencer you look," She orders and when he shakes his head she says, "I've got JJ and you know you want to see."

He nods and goes down to watch the first baby be born with a huge smile.

JJ leans over and grabs Penelope's hand while she grabs the bars on the bed to push one more time, there's a high pitched noise and then four people are crying. 

"Alright Penelope you've got a few minutes before the next baby. Try to rest," The doctor says as she takes off her gloves only to replace them.

"Hi Bridget," Spencer says as they put the baby on the scale to clean her up.

"It's our little girl?" Penelope tries to lean over to see her.

"She's perfect. Ten fingers and ten toes," Spencer confirms when they put the baby in his arms and he walks over to her.

"Meet your mama," He whispers and lays her on Penelope's chest.

JJ watches from the side, not really wanting to interrupt the moment. Eventually Spencer looks up at her and says, "That's your Aunt JJ. JJ this is Bridget Elise Garcia-Reid."

"Well hello Bridget," JJ smiles with tears of her own and reaches out a hand to run over her head.

"She's perfect," JJ says to the baby more than anyone.

"JJ will you go tell the team?" Penelope asks.

"Sure."

And then JJ gets to go tell give a family some good news for a change.

They all stand when she gets to the waiting room and says, "We've got our first girl, Bridget Elise Garcia-Reid. 5 pound 3 ounces 20 inches long. Penelope's okay now but we've still got another one coming."

When she's finished Derek gives her a hug and says, "Thank God!"

Dave laughs behind him and Derek pulls away partially to throw a hand up and wave him off.

"Well I better get back in there. We're only half way."

As she turns around she sees Dave and Derek high fiving and Hotch smiling.

By the time JJ gets back to the room they're taking Bridget away and moving Penelope back into position.

"Just in time," Spence smiles at her.

"Alright let's do this again," The doctor says.

A few more expletives are thrown around and then, three pushes later there's another crying baby.

He's a bit smaller at 4 pounds and 11 ounces but his lungs are just as strong. As soon as she hears her brother Bridget joins in the crying.

"How is he?" Penelope asks while the doctor cleans her up and tells her that they aren't done and the afterbirth will be along shortly.

"He's got your nose and a full head of blonde hair," JJ answers staring at him.

She turns around just in time to see Spencer, holding Bridget close, lean in and kiss Penelope on the forehead.

JJ watches for minute while the doctors clean little Alfie off and they get the two babies situated on Penelope, "I'm gonna go out to the waiting room and let the guys know while you're doing your kangaroo care."

They don't even look up.

"And we have Alfie James Garcia-Reid!" She announces her second bit of good news in less than a half hour.

CMCMCM

The team sits around the waiting room for another couple of hours before Spencer comes out looking some strange mix of happy, tired, exhausted, excited, relieved, and smug.

"Penelope says you all can come back now but then she wants you to leave."

Dave isn't entirely sure that he knows what he's saying. They're all pretty tired by this point. But they get up and follow the new dad to the room that they've moved Penelope and the babies into.

"She doesn't want to send them to the nursery tonight but I don't think she's going to have a choice," He explains as they walk down the hall.

It's easy to why when they open the door. Penelope is happy certainly but she's also more tired than Dave has ever seen another person. She's got one of them, Alfie Dave's guessing from the blue hat but it is Penelope so it might be Bridget, in her arms. The other baby is fast asleep in the cradle next to her bed.

She looks up when they walk in and smiles, "Hey guys, meet Alfie. Bridget's already eaten and fallen asleep."

Spencer walks over and picks up the sleeping baby slowly and carefully before he sits in the chair next to her.

"Jayje? You helped with a lot of the hard work. You wanna hold him?" 

With that little Alfie is being passed to JJ.

Derek walks over to Spencer who rolls his eyes and says, "Of course you can hold my little girl Derek."

Derek immediately smiles and says, "Welcome to the world baby girl," And kisses her on the head. 

Dave watches while Derek dances around the room with her and Penelope hisses, "Derek Morgan if you wake her up so help me!"

Aaron though, only has eyes for Garcia. "How are you feeling?" He tries to distract her, smiling widely at the scene.

"Tired. But utterly content," She answers simply.

"No complications?"

"Not a one."

Aaron moves over to help her settle in and pour her a glass of water and Dave guesses that that leaves him with Spencer so he walks over and sits down next to him.

"Was it as terrifying as you thought?"

"More so," He answers with wide-eyed guile.

"Was it worth it?"

"More than I could ever express," He says and Dave knows he's going to be okay and that he isn't leaving anytime soon.

They switch off, JJ handing Alfie to Dave and Derek handing Bridget to Aaron. Aaron looks at Bridget like she's a complicated puzzle that Spencer just solved and then surprises everyone by making a funny face and saying, "You are going to drive your Daddy and your Uncle Derek crazy aren't you young lady? Well if you ever need to be bailed out you just call your Uncle Aaron. No judgment here."

Which just has them all snickering.

"Don't listen to them. Just because I would never bail any of them out..."

Dave looks down at the little one in his arms and says, "If either of you ever need to be bailed out you call me, Papaw, I won't even ask questions and I know great ways to hide bodies."

"Hey! I did not give birth to serial killers!" Penelope interjects causing everyone to laugh.

"Of course not Penelope, that's just the only way they know to relate to people," JJ sends them all a warning look.

"Now I've got a list for you, life advice and whatnot. I would give it to you now but your mother might actually kill me so I'll give it to you with your first beer at 16 like normal people."

"I don't think so," Penelope and Spencer both jump in.

"And we won't tell your stick in mud parents about it."

"I think you should all leave now. You are all bad influences and I don't need my children exposed to you," Spencer jokes but Dave can see the very real exhaustion on everyone's faces.

"Alright kid you and me will talk later."

They shuffle a few more times, until everyone has held both babies and then start to make their excuses. 

CMCMCM

That night after the team has left Spencer finds himself the only person in his family awake. Penelope is completely out as is Bridget. Alfie keeps fusing in his sleep so Spencer picks him up and just holds him. It seems to settle him. 

He looks exactly like his mom. He's got blonde hair, blue eyes, and her nose. He's got Spencer's chin and long fingers. This perfect like meshing of the two of them. 

He reaches out and grabs onto Spencer's shirt with those long fingers and won't let go. A few minutes later he starts moving his face around and Penelope speaks up, "He's probably hungry. Hand him here."

Spencer helps her get situated on her side with the baby in her arms and he just sort of watches while she feeds their child.

"Are you staring at my boobs Doctor Reid?"

"What no, no. It isn't sexual I promise. It's just..."

"Relax cupcake I know. I was just joking. It's kind of amazing isn't it?"

"Very much so."

"The way my body can make both people and food. It's strange."

"It's awesome."

"That too. You may as well get her. We'll see if she'll eat once he's finished."

Bridget also has blonde hair though not the same platinum blonde that her brother has, it's more of a dishwater blonde and there isn't nearly as much of it. She's got blue eyes and Spencer wonders if their eyes will be the same color in the end. She has his nose and Penelope's cheek bones. And she gives him the same look her mother does when he wakes her up.

"I'm going to have Derek and Hotch go to the house tomorrow and get things ready," He tells Penelope.

"Hotch already did a lot of it. The cribs are built and he took the car and had the seats put in. He set the pack in play up in our room." 

"Good. We still need to clean the mattress. I'll have Derek do a load of laundry while he's there."

It's weird how normal it is to be so domestic but he thinks he likes it. 

"Thank you Penelope," He whispers when they try to change out babies. 

"Thank you Spencer. I didn't realize I was missing something. But I was missing them," Penelope responds without even looking at him.


	12. Chapter 12

They end up staying in the hospital for three days before the doctor clears them to leave. The team has been there in waves and Penelope knows that they've also been doing things at the house to get them ready. 

When the doctor pronounces them fit to leave Spencer gets a crunched face and steps out of the room to make a call. He comes back a minutes later and says, "Derek will be here in fifteen minutes to get us."

Penelope looks up from her bag, trying to make sure she hasn't forgotten anything, to say, "We have the car. Why is Derek coming?"

"Derek's going to drive our car home. We have the baby seats," Spencer shuffles on his feet and Penelope nods. He must not trust himself to drive the babies. He's going to have to get over that. 

"Alright. How is he getting his own car home?"

"Fran's driving it," He says casually and gets Penelope's attention. 

"She made it? I thought she couldn't be here for another couple of weeks?"

"Apparently she was able to move some things around to help out," He says with a smile. Something must come over her face though because he then questions, "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing. Really," She blows him off and starts packing the babies things. 

"Penny?" He sounds so damn empathetic that she looks over as he says, "I thought you would be happy about Fran coming."

"I am. I really am," She insists. 

"I'm sorry but I know you and those aren't happy tears."

"It's just I wish my mom was here. I've been wishing it for days. I wish it were her instead of JJ in the delivery room. I wish I had her help. I keep thinking about she would be doing or saying. Don't get me wrong I love the team and I'm glad they're here and I'm grateful for Fran's help but..."

"She's Derek's mom not yours? I know the feeling. My mom is right there and even though I've been writing letters for months and I've called twice to let her hear the babies I'm not sure she understands that they are her grandchildren," Spencer tries, "I know it isn't the same thing but I wish she were here too. You aren't alone in that."

Penelope nods, her emotions are in overdrive and there are tears streaming down her face, Eventually Spencer moves in and hugs her and she just sort of breaks down. 

"I'm sorry everything's just so raw right now," She says as she wipes her face.

"Don't be sorry. I think it's allowed after bringing two small people into the world."

Spencer looks like he has something else to say when Bridget makes herself known and Penelope walks slowly over to their daughter to pick her up. 

"Don't worry little one. Your Mama is right here and I’m not going anywhere."

CMCMCM

They walk into a clean house. The laundry's done, the nursery is set up perfectly, and everything they need is exactly where they need it. Penelope's even relatively sure that the floors have been scrubbed.

She wonders if Hotch did that himself or if Dave paid someone. 

There's also a brand new mattress in their bedroom. That one's definitely Dave. 

Spencer and Fran each carry a baby in while Derek helps Penelope get settled on the couch. 

Eventually the whole team is there with food, passing the babies around. Jack and Henry seem particularly taken with Bridget and keep trying to play peek a boo with her even though she's sleeping. Alfie meanwhile seems to have decided that Dave is the most comfortable person in the room.

It's nice. It's as close to perfect as she ever expected to be. 

CMCMCM

As soon as the sun goes down and the team has left for the night things get hairy. 

Neither baby seems to want to calm down. Spencer has a red faced Alfie in his arms and Penelope has an even more angry Bridget in hers. Penelope looks more exhausted than he’s ever seen her, nearly to the point of tears, and Spencer isn’t far behind.

Penelope’s trying to feed Bridget but she isn’t making enough milk yet for two babies. They had said something at the hospital, suggested that this might happen, but she was making enough at that point that they paid it no mind. 

They’re both dry and clean and dressed warmly. 

It has to be that they’re hungry. 

They’re sitting in their bed. Penelope’s rocking Bridget back and forth, trying desperately to calm her. Spencer has never felt to helpless. Hotch’s words from the week before Christmas come back unbidden. It’s the father’s job to help the mother. 

He puts his left arm around Penelope, rubbing her shoulder while he rocks Alfie. She’s upset, angry, and spun way too tight but she leans back into him.

“Am I an awful mother? I shouldn’t even have kids. My body wasn’t made for this.”

“Hey. You are not an awful mother. This happens sometimes, even to women who only have one child. It takes a while for your body to catch up to their stomachs. It probably doesn’t help that you’re exhausted. Fran will be back soon with the formula. We’ll feed them and they’ll quiet down. You’ll see.”

They don’t quiet down after they’re fed. 

Luckily, Fran has has more sleep than the two of them combined and has raised three kids because she smiles sympathetically, takes Bridget out of Penelope’s arms and says, “Penelope I know how hard this is going to be for you but you really need to sleep. Let me help.”

“But they’re crying. I can’t sleep while they need me.”

“Okay dear, why don’t take Alfie and just rock him. Try to relax some. He’s feeling your upset. So breath, and try to let some tension go.”

Penelope tries, Spencer can see that, but the upset is all that’s keeping her awake right now.

It goes on for hours. Spencer tries to be helpful, he gives Penelope a very awkward back rub, and takes the babies whenever one of them needs to use the bathroom. He rocks them back and forth and races to make bottles. He changes all the diapers. 

Finally, at roughly five am they seem to have cried themselves out. All three of them. Penelope is on her side facing the play pen where the babies are laying side by side. 

Fran looks over and smiles tiredly, “You should probably get some sleep too. I’ll be in the guest room.”

CMCMCM

They’ve done research. Tons of research. Between them they’ve read every book ever written about bringing home twins and read well over 300 blog posts about the same topic. They’ve talked about it. Extensively.

They had a plan.

Funny thing. Babies don’t like plans. At least one would assume from their complete lack of adherence to them. 

There’s a part of Penelope that wonders if that’s just her kids but JJ seems to think it’s pretty normal so it probably is.

She makes the decision quickly, though begrudgingly, to move the babies to a formula diet. In part because even though they both seemed to have no problems nursing at the hospital as soon as they got home both babies seemed to immediately forget how to eat but also in part because she’s tired. She’s so tired. And this way Spencer and Fran can help with the feedings. 

She didn’t anticipate how difficult it would be to let them, how she can’t sleep when they’re crying, but a week in and it seems to be helping at least some. 

At least she can go back to sleep once Spencer or Fran calms them. Which means she can occasionally get 4 full hours of sleep.

Kind of.

The team tries to help. Dave and Derek stop by everyday those first few days. Hotch and JJ do the same though less frequently. 

It’s a strange, though not unfamiliar, feeling wanting them the hell out. Penelope has felt it before of course, mainly when they’re in her workspace interrupting things. This is different. 

This is Penelope after not showering for four days, with poo and possibly vomit in her hair, wanting to be left alone with her children and baby daddy.

Even Fran is starting to get to her. No matter how grateful she is for the help.

That’s not something Penelope ever thought she would feel.

JJ, the motherhood oracle, is perhaps the first one to see it though Penelope has her suspicions about Hotch. 

“It’s okay you know? To want us gone. You’ve spent the last 13 years with us. You just met them.”

They’re laying in bed, because Penelope isn’t getting up if she doesn’t have to and eating cookies that she doesn’t need. The babies are in between them. Alfie is nearly asleep though Bridget is wide awake. 

“I’ve read 47 different opinions on getting twins onto a schedule. Some people think you should let them sleep however they’re going to, let them be different. Other people think that if one of them is up you should wake the other. Force them into being on the same schedule,” Penelope says instead of responding. 

“Well putting them on the same schedule would have some benefits. Sleep mostly.”

“But they’re two different people Jage. You can already see that Alfie loves sleep and Bridget doesn’t. It seems like I should let them be their own people.”

“I understand where you’re coming from. But they’re four days old. Mommy and Daddy having enough sleep is the most important thing right now.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I’m so tired.”

“I can imagine.”

“I don’t know anything right now. I don’t know what’s important beyond keeping them alive. I don’t know what I want.”

“If you closed your eyes right now and pictured perfection what would it be?”

“If I closed my eyes right now I would fell asleep.”

“Just answer the question Penelope,” JJ says with a soft laugh.

“I guess Spencer would be where you are and we would all be asleep,” She gives in because that does sound nice.

“Well then you know. So why don’t I watch these two for ten minutes while you go take a shower and when you get back I’ll trade Spence places.”

It’s as good of a plan as any. At least it takes care of the poo in her hair problem.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me.

Sleeping with Penelope is different now. In some ways it’s more intimate. Mainly because they rarely get to actually sleep at the same time. 

They get a few hours here and there but mostly they work in shifts. Meaning that they fall asleep separately. So when they do get to lay together it’s just cuddling. Sometimes there is a baby or two in bed with them. Other times it’s just them. 

They’ve rarely spent so much time together in the bedroom without sleep being involved. 

It’s different.

There’s a part of Spencer, a piece of his mind that’s well hidden, that thinks that it’s also necessary. That if they didn’t have that time together, both with the kids and without, that they wouldn’t have made it through the first day much less the first two weeks. 

He sure as shit couldn’t have done this without her. 

Fran is utterly amazing and they may not have made it without her help either. Spencer will forever be grateful for her dropping her life to come help her sons friends. But even she isn’t as amazing as Penelope is.

Though her leaving still scares the crap out of him. 

CMCMCM

Fran Morgan has spent several years of her life listening to her son talk about Penelope Garcia and Spencer Reid. She can remember the first time Derek talked about Spencer, “Mama this kid’s gonna get himself killed!” He had ranted in her ear and she had heard that underlying worry he sometimes got.

She could remember the first time he had spoke of Penelope, “She’s amazing Mama!” With the same underlying protectiveness in his voice. 

She knows more about their lives than she does about Derek’s. At least it feels like it sometimes. 

She knows about their families and about their pasts. 

So when Derek had called her and told her that they had decided to have a baby she knew she had to help. When it turned out to be twins? Well that’s when she started planning a trip to DC.

These two poor kids had no idea what they were getting themselves into and they had no one to help them through those first few days. It takes a village you know?

So she stepped up to the plate. It wasn’t completely altruistic though. She ended up getting two weeks of lunch dates with the mother of her grandchildren out of the deal.

Sometimes she wishes Chicago and DC were closer on the map so she could have them more often. 

But this is good and she isn’t going to complain. Besides, it’s excellent practice for when Derek finally gives her a grandchild.

Fran helps as much as she’s able. She changes diapers and takes on midnight feedings but she isn’t really there for the babies so much as she’s there for her son’s friends as they try to navigate this whole parenting thing without a grandparent to show them the way. 

That’s the role that she wants to play and it seems that it is also the role they have picked for her. 

CMCMCM

Fran sees it immediately when she walks into the hospital room. The way Spencer wars with himself about whether he should carry his children out or help their mother walk. Luckily Derek steps in to help Penelope so Spencer isn’t forced to make the decision himself.

It’s there too in the way Penelope looks at Spencer, both when she’s wake and when she’s so tired that she can’t see straight.

It’s there in the way Spencer makes her a chai tea each morning and the way Penelope does her best to let him get out of the house and away from the noise for a little while each day.

It’s there in the relief on their faces when they finally get to cuddle. Whether it be in bed or on the couch or even in the bay window. 

It also becomes readily apparent to her that they’re oblivious to it.

So she takes that on as herself as well. 

It takes some time to figure out what to say, to find the proper time to say it but once she decides that moment comes quickly. 

They’re sitting in the rocking chairs in the nursery, Spencer is next to her because he tends to take the night feedings, when she decides to go for it and ask, “So when are you and Penelope going to get your heads out of your asses?”

“Excuse me?” Spencer asks with a look on his face that might suggest that he thinks he’s hearing things. 

“You heard me.”

“I have no idea what you mean,” He responds.

“Yes you do.”

He sighs in defeat before answering, “I think we’re already together.”

“You don’t sound so sure of that,” She points out. Reasonably, she feels.

“We live together, we share a mortgage, we have a joint bank account, we have two children, we sleep in the same bed. Penelope says that means we’re together.”

“Well I must admit it does sound like a relationship,” She concedes, “But?”

“It just feels like there should be something more.”

“Like sex?”

“What?” 

“Spencer Reid you are a grown man and you’ve spent the past 13 years with my son. Someone gave you the talk. I’d put my money on Derek.”

He fidgets a bit and she wonders if he’s going to shut down before he sighs and says, “It’s not just sex. I mean I wouldn’t say no if she offered of course. But there’s something missing.”

“Have you talked to her about this?”

“No. We’ve got enough going on right now.”

“True but this is important. Talk to her.”

“How can I when I don’t even know what I’m asking for?”

“Maybe you’ll figure that out when you talk to her.”

“Maybe.”

“Look, Spencer, I’ve only been here a couple of weeks so I can’t tell you what you’re missing. I can tell you how to figure out what it is. Talk to her.”

“I’ve only had a few dates in my life. Only one real girlfriend. Maeve.”

Fran nods because Derek had told her that story.

“Before Maeve I didn’t even think I wanted kids. Now things are different.”

“Well I should hope so,” Fran interjects pointing to the baby in his lap.

“No,” Spencer smiles, “Well, yes, but also I’m a different person now than I was then. I’m different than I was before her. I’ve already been with Penelope longer than I was ever with Maeve. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what I would do differently if I had a second chance with Maeve.”

Fran waits until she’s sure he’s finished talking before she says, “Well then don’t let this chance slip through your fingers huh?”

He just nods. 

CMCMCM

Fran’s words stick around in the forefront of Spencer’s head for days after she herself gets on a plane to go back to Chicago. 

Things are stabilizing at the house. They’re establishing routines. Alfie is sleeping four to five hours at a time. Bridget likes to go to sleep early and then be wide awake from three to four. They’re learning. They’re making it through. 

Fran’s words sit like a rock in his stomach.

He half expects that Derek will prod him into talking about it, half wishes that he would if only so he could have the advice of someone who knows both Penelope and himself so well. But Derek doesn’t say a word. The team has been busy lately, so much so that a very reluctant Hotch had already dropped off two stacks of files that needed consults. And hell, Derek has a pregnant girlfriend at home. Spencer gets that. 

But he sure as hell isn’t going to bring it up to anyone else. 

It’s between him and Penelope. No one else needs to be involved. Especially not his team.

He convinces himself one day, a few days before he’s set to go back to work, that he needs to just do it. Just ask. If she says no then that’s that. They’ll go back to normal. He has to take the chance. 

So, sitting in their bed, the babies in the pack in play next to Penelope Spencer clears his throat and closes his book with a thump.

“Do you ever...” He starts.

Penelope looks up from her knitting, she’s just started to get back into it and he thinks she might be making booties, to say, “Dream of unicorns? All the time.”

She’s grinning at him and he tries to grin back but he isn’t sure he’s successful so he swallows and says, “What are we?”

The grin on her face dims just a little in confusion before she says, “What do you mean?”

He’s this close to backing out entirely and maybe he should when he says, “You and me. What are we exactly?”

She’s still looking at him like she thinks he has a head injury when she answers, “Well we’re parents to two little monkeys...”

He cuts her off with a laugh, “No and mean what are we to each other.”

“Well you’re the daddy to my mommy. The Sherlock to my Watson. The Batman to my Robin,” She answers still not seeming to understand where he’s trying to take this conversation. And did she have to bring up Sherlock?

“Did you know that most people think that Batman and Robin were in a romantic relationship?” He decides to go with.

“Well actually most people just think they were fucking,” She snarks back and then shrieks, “Oh.”

She turns more completely towards him with wide eyes and he shrugs. 

“You said once that we’re basically together,” He starts and she nods quickly, “Did you mean that?”

“I, I don’t know. I don’t really know Spencer.”

“It’s just I mean in a number of ways you were right when you said that. We are sort of together.”

“No I know. I mean you’re right. Or I was right. Or whoever it was that said it was right.”

He smiles at her rambling before he says, “I’ve been thinking about it since you said it really and how would you feel about you know? Being together?”

“What exactly do you mean?”

“Would you like to be with me?”

She’s quiet for few minutes, not talking but not looking at him either before she says, “Don’t you like the way things are? Because I do. I really like the way things are. Why do we have to change anything?”

It’s not just her words, though they do hurt, but also the look on her face that crushes him. She looks stricken like she’s been punched in the gut and the tears in her eyes don’t help. 

He swallows and nods. He almost doesn’t want to answer, wants to lay down and try to go to sleep next to her with his children fast asleep a few feet away but there’s something that sounds suspiciously like Fran Morgan’s voice telling him that he needs to fight. 

“Because there’s something missing. Don’t you feel it?” He asks before surely she does.

“No I’m happy exactly how things are. Aren’t you?”

Again he wants to say yes, of course he’s happy in this almost kinda sorta relationship they have. But he can’t.

“I love what we have. But I want more.”

“Then go find someone,” she starts and then looks shocked by her own words.

It feels like Hotch kicking him in the stomach all over again. There are a thousand and one things that he wants to say. He wants to profile her, to tell her that he knows that she wants more too. He wants to tell her that he knows she’s afraid and ask why she’s letting fear rule her life. But he can’t. It would hurt her and he can’t hurt her. All he really knows in that moment is that he cannot be here. 

He cannot lay in bed next to her like nothing happened and like nothing is going on. 

Penelope catches his arm as he gets up and tearfully begs, “Please don’t go. Not like this. Let’s just talk okay?”

He stops when her hand touches his arm and takes a breath before getting up anyway and responding, “I just need some time alright? Are you okay? Will you be okay tonight alone?”

He can’t look at her so he focuses everything on grabbing some clothes and stuffing them in his go bag. 

“You’re leaving the house? If you can’t be here at least let sleep in the guest room...” She starts but Spencer shakes his head. 

“I just need some time okay? Will you be okay by yourself?”

“What if I say no?” She asks with literal anguish in her voice, “Will that get you to stay?”

“If you say no I’ll call JJ or Derek come over. Maybe I should anyway,” With that he walks over and kisses the twins foreheads before he leaves. 

On his way to the car he fumbles through a text to Derek and when he doesn’t get a response by the time he’s at the car he forwards the same message to JJ. JJ responds immediately, seeming to think that there’s something wrong with one of the babies. Spencer takes a second to reassure her that everyone is okay but ignores her when she tries to call. 

He sits in the driveway for another five minutes, half expecting Penelope to come running after him, but she doesn’t and he knows that JJ is on her way and probably Derek too. There’s no way he’ll be able to leave once they arrive so he starts the car and drives away. 

He drives for a while, an hour or so, without a real destination. His phone lights up like twinkling Christmas lights but he doesn’t answer it. 

At some point he drives past his old dealers house, stops the car, and even takes the keys out of the ignition. As he gets out of the car, thinking about how much cash he has in his wallet, it occurs to him what exactly he’s getting ready to do and it scares the hell out of him. It would be so much worse than what he’s already done. It would be so much worse than William did to him. He would be fulfilling all of Penelope’s fears.

Bridget and Alfie’s faces flash in his mind and the next thing he knows he’s pulling into the parking lot of an apartment building that he’s only been to three times.

Almost before he’s parked the car the driver’s side door is opened and Hotch’s face is right there. 

“Where the hell have you been?” He asks before Spencer can even take the key out of the ignition. 

Before he realizes what’s going on there are tears in his eyes and Hotch leans his head down on the car frame and says, “Why don’t you come in and we’ll talk?”

Spencer nods gratefully and grabs his bag from the passenger seat. Hotch waits patiently next to the car until he’s actually put his feet on the ground and then he can feel more than see Hotch’s eyes checking him over like he’s a child that ran away from home. 

As they walk inside Hotch’s phone rings. He puts an arm around Spencer’s shoulder to guide him as he answers, “Derek he just pulled into my lot. He’s fine at least physically. Just stay with Penelope, JJ and the babies for now. I’ll call you later. I’ll let Dave know what’s going on.”

Hotch hangs up the phone as they walk up to his door. Hotch removes his hands from Spencer’s shoulder to pull his keys out of his pocket. Spencer has a terrible feeling about this, like a small child that’s about to get a lecture. He’s pretty sure his ass is sweating. 

But Hotch doesn’t say anything as they walk into his apartment and close the door. 

“Make yourself comfortable,” He extends a hand to the couch and even puts a hand back on Spencer’s shoulder to guide him when he doesn’t move on his own, “Are you hungry?”

Spencer shakes his head in response. Not because he wants to but because the alternative is Hotch calling in reinforcements. Namely Penelope. 

Hotch nods and stares at him for another moment before he picks up his phone again and explains, “I’m going to call Dave and let him know that you’re okay. He’s been out looking for you for the past couple of hours. I’ll try to get him to go home but you know how he is. He may show up here.”

Spencer shakes his head and asks, “Hours? I’ve only been gone for an hour.”

Hotch lets the hand holding his phone drop to his side as he answers, “Spencer JJ three hours ago, she’s has been at your place for most of that time and Derek has been there for almost two hours himself. He wanted to look for you himself but Penelope is pretty upset and between them they have four children to look after.”

There isn’t any judgment in his tone but Spencer thinks there should be. 

“I should go home and help,” He says as he gets up and makes to leave.

“No you should sit down,” Hotch says firmly and Spencer complies without thinking.

“Hotch if Penelope needs help I should be the one...”He trails off.

“Reid you are in no condition to drive and you’re probably nearly out of gas anyhow. Derek and JJ have things under control. Henry has been helping feed the little ones. They’re fine. Now I’m going to call Dave and make you a cup of tea, and you’re going to sit here and try not to fall asleep before I get back. Got it?”

Spencer gulps and nods, not really wanting to move anyhow while Hotch walks into the kitchen. 

Spencer can hear most of the conversation. He can hear things like, he’s here, and he’s safe, and no you don’t have to come over I can handle this I handled things for years before you came back, and no you’re right I should have known that wouldn’t work. He hears the microwave beep as Hotch says, “Yeah we’ll see you in twenty minutes.”

“What happened?” Hotch finally asks as he hands the mug to Spencer and sits on the coffee table across from him.

“Didn’t Penelope tell you?”

“Penelope was crying and while I have a large amount of experience dealing with a weepy Penelope Garcia I still couldn’t understand her,” Hotch explains with a more gentle tone than he’s used with Spencer in a very long time. 

Spencer can’t tell if he’s being honest or if Hotch just wants to hear Spencer’s side of the story. He decides that it doesn’t matter. 

The thing is that Spencer can’t talk about it, at least not yet, so he decides to shock Hotch as much as he can, “I thought about using.”

Only Hotch doesn’t look shocked. Instead he just nods. 

“I didn’t. But I really wanted to.” 

“And then you thought about your children and it all scared you so much that you came to me,” Hotch finishes for him and Spencer nods. 

“I left them. I am a horrible father. I’m worse than my dad. At least he stayed 10 years. I couldn’t even make it 2 months.”

Hotch leans forward just a bit so that he can look Spencer in the eyes when he says, “After Haley died I genuinely considered giving Jack to Jessica.”

“What?”

“I thought about it for months. The thought still crosses my mind from time to time if I’m being honest. I didn’t do it because the thought scared me. The thought of giving him up scared me more than possibly messing him up. Does that make me a bad father?”

“No of course not. You love Jack more than...”

“Neither are you,” Hotch interrupts, “So what you took off for a few hours after a fight with Penelope? We all do that. Did you ever consider not going back?”

All Spencer can do is shake his head.

They sit for another few moments before Hotch’s door opens and Dave walks in like he owns the place. With his own key.

He’s less measured than he normally is, though he’s trying hard not to show his upset as he looks over Spencer with a careful eye. 

“Would you like to make him stand so you can get a better picture?” Hotch asks with a straight face. 

Dave, the bastard, nods and says, “You know what I actually would.”

Suddenly there are two sets of eyes on him. Spencer rolls his eyes as he stands and lets his arms drop. 

“Happy?”

“Not really. Do a twirl,” Dave makes a twirling motion with his finger. 

Spencer rolls his eyes and sits back down.

Dave seems to think that’s a good sign and walks over to say, “Kiddo I’m glad you’re alright but if you ever do that again I’m going to shoot you.”

Hotch makes a strange noise that would be called a laugh from anyone else but Dave doesn’t blink as he sits next to Spencer on the couch. 

“Okay so after everything you’ve put me through tonight I deserve the whole story. Go.”

Spencer rolls his eyes but between Hotch staring at him and Dave’s warmth at his side he knows he doesn’t really have a choice.

“I told Penny that I loved her,” He lets out. He can feel Dave stiffen beside him. He can see Hotch sit up straighter and school himself into showing nothing.

“Yeah and how did that go?” Dave asks with a look over at Hotch. 

“She likes things the way they are now. I told her that I want more and she told me to go find someone else,” He doesn’t mean to whine. Really.

Dave moves his arm to the top of the couch. Not really around Spencer but close enough to count. The three of them sit for a few moments, Dave and Hotch seemingly having a conversation that Spencer is not privy to and that he doesn’t have the energy to try to keep track of. 

“How has her behavior been? Has she given you indications that she’s interested in you?” Hotch asks. 

“You mean other than having my children?” Spencer snorts. 

“Yeah other than that,” Dave urges. 

“I thought so. Maybe I read the situation wrong.”

“Can you give us some examples?” Hotch asks. 

“I don’t know. Seeing it in other people is one thing. Seeing it in my personal life is...”

Dave snorts and Hotch makes a noise of agreement. 

“Kiddo, I know you two sleep in the same bed. Do you do anything else?” Dave asks confidently. 

“You mean like sex?” Spencer puts on his most innocent face. 

“Yes,” Hotch jumps in to stop whatever Dave was going to say. 

“No. We haven’t had sex nor have we kissed. Still further than I’ve ever gotten before.” 

Both of the older men shift at the reminder. 

“Spencer,” Dave starts.

“She said herself that we were in a relationship. She said that we already have kids and a house. We have a car and a joint bank account. She said that we sleep in the same bed and our lives are tied together now and we may as well be together who cares if we aren’t having sex.”

“She said that huh?” Hotch asks before Dave has the chance. 

“I just... I wasn’t asking for that much. I just thought that we may as well take another step forward.”

“That’s when she got scared?” Dave asks and Spencer nods. 

“Well Penelope always has been afraid of change,” Hotch throws in sensibly. 

“Hotch she went through IVF and gave birth to two children. That’s a lot of change. And she did that without blinking,” Spencer points out. 

“And now she’s on overload. Her entire life has changed in the past year. Reid, I know you’re thinking what’s one more change but you know Penelope and you know that she’s thinking that one more change might be the one that turns sour.”

“Why tempt fate?” Spencer asks quietly.

“Exactly.”

“Well that’s dumb.”

“Reid,” Hotch starts.

“No, it is. It’s dumb to put on a harness and then not jump,” Spencer cuts him off. 

“Spencer,” Dave starts, “You had two children. That’s a pretty big jump already. I know that you still feel like something is missing. And maybe it is. But everything has a time. Right now you’re both exhausted and probably feeling clingy. Emotions are running high. Just give it some time.”

“So I should just sit back and close my mouth,” Spencer asks incredulously. 

“That’s not exactly what we’re saying,” Hotch says with a look at Dave, “But you’ve given her the idea. Give her some time to think about it, let her make her own decision. She hasn’t had much time to think lately.”

Spencer just nods. He deflates a bit, sagging into Hotch’s couch and Hotch takes that as the sign that this conversation is over. 

“Can I stay here tonight?”

“Of course. Dave will you get him something to eat while I make up the couch?”

“Alright Spencer I think there’s some leftover chicken gnocchi soup from last night. I’ll make you a bowl.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just one more after this.

Penelope regrets the words as they are coming out of her mouth. She doesn’t even mean them. She sure as hell doesn’t want him finding someone else. Not just because of what would happen to her children either. But she doesn’t have time to think about that.

As soon as their bedroom door closes behind Spencer she lets the tears in her eyes go. The twins wake at the sound of the front door closing and join her quite enthusiastically. She’s still trying to calm both them and herself when she sees the car pull out of the driveway. 

CMCMCM

By the time JJ knocks on the door and lets herself in 20 minutes later Penelope has lost it completely. 

JJ takes one look around, sets a sleeping Michael’s carrier on the floor and says, “Hey Henry why don’t you go make two bottles for Aunt Penny?”

He looks a little scared but he nods and moves to leave the room while his mom walks over to a crying Penelope and moves to take Bridget out of her arms. 

“Penelope I need you to talk to me. Tell me what happened, where’s Spence?” JJ asks in her talking-to-a-victim voice. 

“He left,” Is the thought that keeps replaying, “We had a fight and he said he couldn’t stay. I begged him to sleep in the guest room but he wouldn’t.”

JJ nods while she rocks a crying Bridget and answers, “What was the fight about?”

But that’s the wrong question because it just makes Penelope start crying again.

“Penelope. I need to know what happened. Where did Spence go?”

“He didn’t say. He just left,” She cries. 

This continues on for another ten minutes, Penelope crying and JJ trying to calm her and the children, all four of whom are now upset too. Henry is doing his best to help his mom but there’s only so much he can handle. That’s when JJ picks up her phone and calls Hotch. 

After a quick sitrep Hotch assures her that he’s aware of the situation and that help is on the way.

With nothing else to do JJ sits and holds both a baby and Penelope while they cry. 

CMCMCM

Dave shows up 20 minutes later, taking a baby out of Penelope’s arms and nodding to JJ who is still attempting to get the full story out of her. 

“Now kitten I need you to breathe. Can you do that?” He puts a hand on her back in an attempt to ground her. 

She nods and takes a slow breath but then she’s back to breathing heavily. 

“Can you tell me what happened?” He tries. 

“He left. He just left. He probably thinks I don’t love him because I didn’t try to stop him.”

When it’s apparent that no other new information is forthcoming Dave answers, “I’m sure that isn’t true. He knows you love him Penelope.”

“No he doesn’t,” She maintains. 

They’re just starting to get somewhere when Derek comes running in, “What happened? Is everyone okay?”

JJ jumps up from the babies, who have cried themselves out for the moment, and says, “Everything is fine. No one’s hurt.”

JJ moves to take Derek outside and explain the situation to him when Penelope jumps up and runs to him. 

“Derek he left, he just left and I don’t know where he is.”

Derek looks taken back at the arm full of Penelope he suddenly has but he recovers quickly and hugs her back, “Okay baby girl. I’ll go look for him alright?”

She nods but doesn’t let go of him until Dave finally stands and says, “She needs you here Derek. I’ll go look for him.”

Derek nods though he looks like he has something else to say so Dave nods his head to JJ who says, “Hey Penelope why don’t we go sit down for a few minutes alright.”

She goes willingly, her tears having seemingly stopped though she looks anything but calm. 

Once they are sure Penelope isn’t listening Derek whispers, “What the hell happened man?”

“Not a clue. All we can get out of her is that he left after a fight and she thinks he doesn’t know she loves him because she didn’t run after him. That’s it.”

“Man you know how bad it had to be for Reid to just leave?” Derek looks stricken at the thought. Dave sympathizes. 

“Pretty bad.”

“Look man I’ll take care of her. Just fine him alright. Before he does anything stupid.”

CMCMCM

Dave starts at the office. Spencer isn’t there. Then he tries the park. Again no Spencer. What follows is a two hour tour of every haunt Dave knows Spencer to have. He’s nearly at the end of his rope when Hotch calls to say he made it to his place. 

CMCMCM

Eventually Will shows up to pick up the kids. He brings takeout with him from a place near his precinct, which they eat in near silence. 

At some point while they’re eating, Penelope still leaning on Derek’s shoulder, they get a text from Hotch letting them know that Spencer is safe. Nearly an hour later, after Will has taken the boys home, they get a call letting them know what happened and that Spencer is staying there for the night. 

“Well at least we know,” Is all JJ can say to Derek after they get Penelope to sleep.

“Man I knew this was going to happen. I knew it was gonna blow up in their faces. But I trusted him when he said he had it under control.” 

"Derek calm down. This isn’t helping anyone. We all thought they had it under control. Maybe they still do. Lord knows Will and I didn’t have the easiest road either.”

“He said he wasn’t in over his head. He said he would talk to me or someone else if he was. He said he could handle it,” Derek answers her looking more sad than angry. It’s a subtle difference for him. 

“Derek all couples fight. We all get in over our heads. No one is ready even if we all think we are. So what they had a fight?”

“JJ do you understand how bad this fight would have to be, how hurt he would have had to be, how in over his head he would have to have been to leave them?” Derek asks while running his hand over his head and nodding at the closed bedroom door. 

“Yeah, I know them too Derek and I know that they aren’t perfect and they both hide their real feelings. I know that Penelope would rather cry and show us how emotional she is than ever admit the real cause of her hurt. I know that Spence would rather die than walk away from a problem. But he didn’t leave. He was always planning on coming back, he just needed a minute to think. And maybe this will force her to confront what she really wants.”

“Yeah, well, let’s hope.”

CMCMCM

They make it until 3:58 am in relative quiet. Penelope has been asleep for a couple of hours. They’ve moved the pack in play that the kids sleep in to the guest room so that JJ can care for them in the night and Derek has taken residence on the couch.

When he hears the bang Derek makes a run for it, only to discover Penelope wide awake and throwing clothes around her room. 

“Baby girl?”

Penelope looks up with a startled expression and says, “What have I done?”

“I’m gonna need a little more than that sweetness.”

“Derek, I told him that if he wanted a girlfriend he should go find one. He said he wanted more, wanted more for our family, wanted more for us, and I told him to go find someone else.”

“Baby girl I’m sure he knows that you didn’t mean that...” Derek trails off.

“But I did mean it. If he only wants more with me because I gave birth to his children then I want no part of a relationship with him.”

“What?”

“Derek, Spencer has never shown any attraction for me. He’s never even hinted at it. Hell, he’s never even sent a stray glance to my boobs. What if he only thinks he wants me because of this situation we’re in?”

“Baby girl, do you have any feelings for him?”

Penelope sighs and moves to sit on her bed, a shirt still in her hands, “Yes. But what if that’s not real either? I mean I didn’t feel this way until we had already gotten pregnant. What if I’m just attaching to the nearest male?”

Derek moves to sit next to her, “Sweetness I think that sometimes things happen that bring out emotions in ways that we never expected. That doesn’t make them less real. Besides there was probably something there before if you agreed to co-parent with him in the first place. And I’m willing to bet that it works both ways.”

“Maybe.”

“Have you talked to him about any of this?”

“No.”

“Well maybe you should.”

“Maybe.”

Derek sighs and sits himself down on the bed heavily, running a hand over his face to wipe away what little sleep he has had. 

“Penelope, have you ever known Reid to put himself out there emotionally if he didn’t mean what he was saying?”

Penelope, still looking upset, answers, “No. I guess not. But what if he doesn’t understand what he’s feeling? I mean, I don’t understand what I’m feeling. And this is so much bigger now. We can’t just make out and see what happens. If it doesn’t work there are two little people in the middle.”

Derek stares for a moment before saying, “Penelope for Reid to even talk about what he’s feeling that means that he’s sure.”

“Really?”

“Really baby girl.”

“Derek, he’s only ever been in one relationship and I’m not Maeve.”

“No you aren’t. But you are smart and strong and sexy as hell. All things that Maeve was. Reid definitely has a type beautiful.”

“I just don’t want him to regret it.”

“Penelope he has two children with you. He’s tied to you for the rest of his life. He asked you to mother his babies. He’s serious. And you know that. That’s why you’re so upset.”

“Derek Morgan sometimes I really don’t like you.”

“I know baby girl,” Derek says as he reaches out and pulls her into a hug. 

CMCMCM

Spencer doesn’t expect himself to sleep. He’s used to sleeping on couches but Penelope isn’t there and he can’t hear the babies breathing. But the emotional exhaust knocks him out. At least that’s what he thinks it is. Hotch wouldn’t drug him. Especially not after....well...last night.

But he does sleep. He sleeps deeply if not well. But he wakes feeling heavy and not very rested. 

He wakes to the sound of Hotch and Dave talking in the kitchen. Jack’s voice is there too, asking questions that Dave answers patiently while he makes breakfast. 

Spencer lies on the couch for another few minutes, enjoying the sounds of his team and Jack as they make their way through the morning before he gets up and joins them. 

“Good morning Spencer,” Dave greets as he walks into the kitchen.

Spencer nods to him and then to Hotch when he looks up from his newspaper. Jack smiles at him as he sits down. 

“Uncle Spencer do you want eggs?”

He’s just barely said yes when the doorbell rings. Hotch puts down his paper to answer it but Spencer already knows who it is. 

CMCMCM

Derek walks into the kitchen with a wary smile, Penelope standing behind him. 

“Hey Jack, my man, why don’t you and I go to the playground?”

Jack looks between them and sighs, “Uncle Derek I’m too old to go to the playground. But I’ll let you buy me ice cream.”

Derek laughs, “Oh you will huh? Well come on then.”

As they’re getting ready to leave Hotch and Dave share a look and Dave says, “I’ll join you. My treat.”

“Well alright then. Ice cream for breakfast!” Derek smiles.

“Yeah!” Jack yells as he runs to the door which makes Dave say, “Don’t get used to it buddy.”

Once the door has closed behind them Hotch says, “I’ll be in the office if you need me.”

It’s awkward without the others as a distraction so Spencer clears his throat to ask, “How are the kids?”

Penelope shuffles around looking a little lost. She makes eye contact as he talks and answers, “JJ watched them last night. Bridget took 8 ounces. Alfie took 6.”

Spencer nods in return. That, at least, is normal. 

It’s quiet for another couple of minutes while Spencer searches for something to say. When he finally settles on asking about the weather Penelope speaks up, “You don’t want me.”

Spencer raises his eyebrows in response. 

“Look you have to understand; you haven’t shown any interest in me. We’ve known each other for 14 years and you’ve barely flirted with me. When I went into this situation I thought I was having a baby with one of my best friends. And I was okay with that.”

Spencer tries to respond but Penelope shakes her head. 

“Let me finish please. When we decided to try IVF we did it because neither one of us had anyone to go home to. We each wanted a family and we thought we could have that together. I guess I’m just not convinced that you really want me. That you would want me if it weren’t for Bridge and Alf. If you want a girlfriend then I won’t stop you. I understand. You deserve to have someone. Someone who loves you and wants you. You really do. I won’t hold you back but I can’t take the chance with them.”

“Penelope,” Spencer cuts in when he can’t take it anymore, “I do want you. I don’t know if I would if it weren’t for the kids so I can’t answer that but I did notice you before. I don’t think I was in love with you then but I am now. And I know what I feel. I don’t,” He sighs, “I don’t like to be vulnerable. But I’ve never felt for anyone what I feel for you. Not even Maeve. And yes, some of that is the kids. You gave me a beautiful gift, one I never thought I would get and of course that changed how I feel about you. I won’t apologize for that. I don’t want just anyone. If it isn’t you then it won’t be anyone at all. It’s you or no one for me. Besides, I would never want my children to go through what I did.”

It’s the last line that gets her. She knows exactly what that means. If he’s willing to do something that has the potential to hurt the babies then he wouldn’t take it lightly. 

“Penelope. Do you have feelings for me?” Spencer asks simply.

She moves towards him, sitting at the kitchen table and then collapses in a chair. 

“I know that it is complicated. And if you want to stay friends then I’ll understand. But if you do feel something for me then why can’t we try?”

He wouldn’t risk it if it weren’t important. If he didn’t think it was necessary for their family he wouldn’t push the issue. 

So she grabs him and kisses him. It’s quick and messy. It has no technique whatsoever. His tongue almost ends up in her nose. Almost. But there’s definitely something there. 

They pull apart for just a moment before they’re kissing again. This time Spencer reached up and puts his hand on the back of her head. 

“Is that a yes?” Spencer asks hopefully. Penelope gives him a quick peck before nodding. 

“We have to take it slow. If there is even the tiniest hint that it isn’t working we pull back.”

“Of course. We don’t do anything that negatively affects the babies.”

“Okay then. Let’s give it a shot.”

CMCMCM

Hotch stands in the next room, ear to the door and smiles.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long...

4 years later

 

Bridget is the flower girl by default. The only other girl in the family, Derek’s daughter Isabella, is three months old and not yet able to walk down the aisle. Alfie gets to be the ring bearer even with the stiff competition for the roll in part because of the twin aww factor and also at least slightly because that way they only need one adult to walk down the aisle with them.  Henry and Kai are given jobs as ushers.  While Michael and Hank are given the super special role of assistants to the ushers.

Jack is Hotch’s best man. Also standing up with him are Spencer and Derek. Hotch said that he couldn’t get married without both of his sons and his best friend at his side. Rossi has Joy, Penelope and JJ standing with him for much the same reason. Luke, who had joined the team a year ago is officiating the ceremony. Penelope thinks that he’s doing so simply because he wants a role in the wedding. Spencer privately agrees although he is more understanding about it than his wife who apparently hates the man.

Five years ago, if anyone had asked Spencer about Hotch and Rossi’s wedding he probably would have laughed in their face. Mainly because the idea of the two of them being together was so out there. Though if you had pressed him about it he would have guessed that David would be a mess, over planning each detail and wanting perfection, while Hotch was calm and collected. 

Spencer would have been wrong.

David is perfectly calm. He has a rat pack record on in his dressing room, the same one he was listening to the night Spencer and Penelope decided to have a baby together, and he’s got a cigar in his hand.  He doesn’t smoke much because it’s bad for you, but he claims that special occasions don’t count. He is the picture of calm and happy as he fixes his bowtie in the large mirror.

Hotch on the other hand could only be described as bridezilla. He’s overseen every detail of the wedding personally, panicked about the flowers being the wrong shade of white, well as much as Hotch is capable of panic, and yelled at the caterer three times just this morning for small issues.

It’s really quite humorous especially since it isn’t directed at Spencer.

They’ve all tried to talk Hotch down at different points in the day and finally Derek made him drink two fingers of bourbon to take the edge off, but nothing was working until Spencer went and got David, telling him that Hotch needed him.  David shows up in the dressing room a few minutes later, takes one look at Spencer and Derek and says, “Get out.”

They leave as quickly as they can.

As they are walking down the hall, both listening in because they are morbidly curious, and trying not to hear anything because it’s David and Hotch, Derek says, “Who would have thought huh? These two idiots getting married?”

Spencer laughs, “So you never told me your theory about how they got together?”

“You don’t buy the story?” Derek asks with a raised eyebrow.

“That they never thought about one another that way until the day David retired when it hit them out of nowhere and they immediately decided to move in together and get Jack a dog? No. And not just because Hotch had already moved in the month before.”

“Oh, come on, it could happen! It’s as likely as JJ’s theory that they fell in love while they were teaching that seminar in Jersey.”

Spencer laughs but then confides, “You know I don’t know when they actually started seeing one another but I think this has been in the works for a long time.”

“What do you mean pretty boy?”

“When Penelope was pregnant I spent a lot of time at David’s and Hotch was there a lot,” Spencer shrugs.

“How much is a lot?” Derek asks with furrowed brows.

“Four or five times a week,” Spencer says, and watches Derek’s eyebrows go up in response, “Neither Penelope or I ever heard anything and Hotch never stayed over but you have to admit that’s not normal. Plus, that night I stayed at Hotch’s place after the twins were born David came in _with his own key_ and then _stayed the night._ I was too out of it to pay attention to where he slept but Jack was there, so it wasn’t his bed and you remember how small that apartment was.”

Derek whistles, “How long could they have gotten this by us without us noticing?”

“I mean we’re all good profilers but Hotch and David are the best. Maybe they introduced it slowly and did a great job of leaving it in plain sight,” Spencer says with a shrug.

“All that co-parenting stuff!” Derek stops in his tracks.

“Exactly!” Spencer exclaims, “They used that to hide their relationship in front of our faces!”

“Oh man. So, this could have been going on for years without us knowing!” Derek presses his head into the wall.

“I guess you’ll never know,” David shocks them by walking up behind them and putting a hand on each of their shoulders.

“Oh no. They’re right. We’ve been hiding this for years. We’ll never tell you how long though,” Hotch throws in looking from David to Derek and Spencer.

Hotch looks calmer now, more collected. He looks ready to get married.

“Are you kidding me man? It was before Spence and Penny? Not just the wedding but before the twins even?” Derek groans, “Ya’ll wonder why I gotta complex. This is why!”

Hotch makes a sympathetic face and looks over to David before saying, “Actually it happened before Penny went into Witsec.”

Derek groans again.

Spencer raises his eyebrow at David who shrugs and adds, “But it happened after Carolyn.”

“Dude that still leaves a four-year window!” Derek throws his arms in the air.

David looks innocently over to Hotch and says, “Does it?”

The conversation is interrupted by the flower girl streaking through the hallway and laughing her head off. Penelope is chasing her, her dress waving in her hands, screaming, “Catch her!”

Derek and Hotch both reach down and stop the little girl in her tracks. Derek picks her up, much to her amusement, while Hotch looks at her sternly and says, “You can streak tomorrow but you have to be on your best behavior and wear clothes for Uncle Aaron and Papaw’s wedding okay munchkin?”

Bridget puts her hand in her mouth and nods. Bridget loves her Uncle Aaron, he’s her favorite much to Derek’s consternation. She’s also Hotch’s favorite. She’s the only one he won’t glare at.

Derek hands her back to Penelope who passes the dress to Spencer. He takes one look at his daughter and says, “Would it help if Uncle Aaron got you dressed princess?”

Bridget takes her slobber covered hand out of her mouth and says, “No I want Papaw to dress me!”

David rolls his eyes because they all knew that was coming. Bridget is very particular about certain things. Papaw has to dress her for big occasions because he knows how to do her hair like a princess. Uncle Aaron has to cut her meat when he’s around because he cuts them in special shapes. Spencer doesn’t know what those shapes are, they look like squares to him but whatever. It works. Uncle Derek is the only one allowed to sing to her. Not even he or Penelope can try. Again, Spencer doesn’t get it. Derek can’t sing but his daughter likes it, so they’ll take it.  She’ll only eat Aunt JJ’s pancakes and Aunt Emily is the only one who can read Pete the Cat. Apparently, she does the best voices.

Thank goodness Alfie isn’t as picky. He doesn’t much care who does what as long as he’s fed and has a book to read. He likes Clifford the Big Red Dog the best.

David reaches over to take his naked granddaughter from Penelope and the dress from Spencer.

“Her tights and underwear are in the dressing room,” Penelope yells after him. He waves her off with a smile.

“I’m starting to worry I really am going to have to bail her out of jail one day for this streaking thing,” Hotch says as they walk away.

“Girl has 8000 dresses, but she prefers to be naked. I think that’s going to be a problem when she’s a teenager,” Derek chimes in.

Spencer rolls his eyes while his wife says, “And then there’s Alfie who hates taking his clothes off to the point that he wants to wear them until his underwear can stand on their own.”

Penelope and Hotch look truly disgusted by this, but Derek seems to agree with Spencer, it’s normal for a 4 year little boy.

“Hank does the same thing,” Derek says proving Spencer’s thought.

“Why did we want a boy again?” Penelope asks Spencer.

“We didn’t. We wanted a baby. We didn’t much care whether it was a boy or a girl.”

“Oh, that’s right. Anyhow, the ceremony starts in 20 minutes, so we need to get going.”

“Are the boys doing okay?” Hotch asks as they walk down the hall.

“They’re fine. Jack’s keeping an eye on them,” Penelope answers with a bright smile that makes Spencer smile too.

There is something about weddings that just makes everyone happy Spencer thinks as he grabs her hand and squeezes it. She looks up to smile again, this time at him and Spencer thinks to himself that he’s never been quite so content.

The past four years haven’t been easy. But they have been the best of his life.

They underestimated the affect work would have on their relationship and their children. They made it work for a year before they realized they just couldn’t anymore. They had been talking about one of them leaving the BAU when David sat them down and told them they were being stupid. They didn’t need new jobs or a nanny, they had him. He would retire from BAU. He would spend time with Joy and her family, who had just moved east, and he would watch his grandchildren. Spencer has, at times, wondered if David knew what he was getting into as he now has 7 grandchildren.

Without the worry about who would watch the kid’s things got better. They still weren’t perfect. Alfie refuses to eat anything green and Bridget wouldn’t potty train until after her 4th birthday. But they went through all of those things together.

As they’re walking down the hall behind Hotch and Derek, who have gone back to arguing about when Hotch had gotten together with his intended, Penelope quietly pulls Spencer into a side room and shuts the door. There is both a lock on the door and a couch in the room which tells Spencer that Penelope had planned this.

She smiles at him coyly and says, “Isn’t sex at a wedding on your list?”

“Isn’t semi public on yours?”

“Hmm... maybe we should leave the door unlocked?” She asks with a smirk.

“If the kids weren’t here I would totally be on board with that plan,” He says with a regret. The one regret he does have about the way they did things is that they never had the chance to be together when they weren’t parents. Part of that is sex. The only time they left the door unlocked Alfie had had a nightmare and needed them. But part of it is more than that. He’s never just been Penelope’s boyfriend or husband, he’s also Bridget and Alfie’s dad and that trumps everything else. Even so he loves his life. He’s a lucky man he thinks as his wife pushes him onto the couch and climbs on top of him.

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Spencer is kissing her neck and his fingers are inside of her when she finally frees him from his pants. She was only able to push them off his ass in their current position, but she doesn’t really care as long as it doesn’t get in her way. It only takes a moment before she’s riding him. He’s breathing into her neck, trying not to be loud enough to be heard when there is a pounding on the door. The handle jiggles but they remembered to press the lock so she isn’t worried. She rides him a little harder because she knows this can’t last long and either he’s completely blissed out and can’t hear the knocking on the door or he just doesn’t care as he squeezes her ass hard enough to leave bruises.

The knocking stops but Penelope can’t so she just keeps riding him. Spencer’s hands reach up to squeeze her boob before he cums with a groan into her neck and then reaches down to rub her until she follows.

A few seconds later there’s another knock at the door. This time it’s accompanied by Dave’s voice, “I get it kids but if you’re even a second late or look wrinkled my fiancé will likely kill you and there’s very little I could do to stop him.”

Spencer groans as she gets up and reaches for a Kleenex to wipe herself with. She passes one to Spencer as she straightens himself up and yells, “Like you and Hotch didn’t do the same thing not 10 minutes ago.”

Dave laughs loudly and answers, “We certainly weren’t as loud about it. Either way you have five minutes until show time.”

“We’ll be there,” She yells through the door.

Spencer is adjusting his pants, so Penelope smooths her dress and asks, “Does my hair look okay?”

He gives her a once over, smiles shyly and says, “You look great. No one will be able to tell you just rode me like a thoroughbred in the Kentucky Derby.”

She smacks him in the chest while she smirks, “You are the one who said you’d never had sex at a wedding before and that it sounded like fun!”

“And I was right. It was fun,” He shrugs unashamedly, “But we probably really should get out there before Hotch disembowels me.”

He straightens himself and clears his throat offering her his arm. She takes it with a smile and says, “Watch yourself doctor, a girl could get used to this.”

He opens the door and leads her into the hall, saying, “A lady should already be used to this or her husband might have to up his game.”

“That sounds promising!” She smiles as they reach the landing where the wedding party is meeting.

“I should hope so since I got us a hotel room for the night.”

“You did?” She asks genuinely surprised. There’s not a lot he can do that truly catches her off guard anymore, a byproduct of having been friends for 12 years, engaged for 1, married for 3, and having 2 genius children to co-parent. She sometimes thinks she can actually see his thoughts leaving his brain.

It goes both ways because he says, “I know you’ve been stressed with work lately but we haven’t had much time for the two of us since David and Hotch started planning the wedding, so I thought it might be nice.”

“Who did you get to watch the kids?”

“JJ’s mom is keeping them all for a slumber party.”

“That poor woman.”

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The wedding goes off without a hitch. Hotch had been so sure that everything was going to fall to pieces. It usually did just when everything was going okay. But here he is, surrounded by family and friends.  Here he is married to his best friend. Life really doesn’t get any better.

David is sitting next to him at the head table with Jack, Joy and her family along with them. Jack’s got Bridget in his lap. She’s not wearing the dress anymore, but she has agreed to a shirt and leggings so long as she gets cake.

The first time Hotch held Bridget all he could see was a little Garcia. He fell a little in love that day. When she opened her eyes, he could feel himself being wrapped around her finger. Now though, he tends to see more of Garcia in Alfie and more of Reid in Bridget. Alfie is himself quiet and unassuming, but he loves loud things and loud people. You might be forgiven for forgetting he’s there except for the bright orange shirt he insists on wearing every time he leaves the house. Bridget loves taking things apart and putting them back together, and she sometimes gets so excited that she knocks things over by accident.

Hotch looks around the room at his family eating their dinner, Reid and Garcia, Morgan and Savannah, JJ and Will, Luke, Prentiss, Kate, Tara, Alex, Jessica, and a handful of others, surrounded by children and laughter and he smiles.  He looks over at his husband, who looks rather like the godfather, indulgently self-satisfied and says, “We’ll have to talk about it more later, but I think I want to retire.”

Dave swallows his bite of steak and jokes, “Don’t want to work now that you have a sugar daddy?”

“I want to spend more time with the kids. Jack’s 15, he’s going to be leaving home soon and I’d like to be around more before I drop him off at college.”

“Well it’s not like we need the money. Plus, we have seven grandchildren. It would be nice to have some help babysitting.”

Hotch leans over to press a kiss to the side of his mouth, the most PDA he allows outside of the kiss they shared when they were pronounced husbands. Dave really is on cloud nine though, because he grabs Hotch’s hand and yells to the DJ, “change of plans let’s go on and do our first dance,” as he pulls Hotch on to the dance floor.

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Dave can still remember the first time he and Aaron danced. Really, he thinks, he should be shot because it took him so long to pull Aaron into his arms and sway to the music but he didn’t think Aaron would be on board with such activities. As it was they had been sleeping together for 4 years, and had been really together for 2 before he did so. He can’t even say exactly what happened except that Aaron had been shot in front of him, and Dave was a little shaky.

In didn’t help that Penelope had had her first ultrasound that day and Spencer had missed it. Dave knew how scared Aaron was that they were going to lose one or both of the youngsters once the babies were born and a combination of Aaron being hurt and Spencer missing that ultrasound wasn’t going to help their case.

Dave had taken one look at Aarons stoic face with his far too expressive eyes and he knew that he just had to hold him. So he did.  And he continued to every chance he got afterward.

He’s pretty caught up in the moment and in the smell of Aaron’s aftershave when he feels a little hand pulling on his pant leg. He looks down to see Alfie in a little suit staring up at him with big eyes. He’s got a sippy cup in his left hand, that is held protectively against his chest but his right hand is in the air. A clear sign that he wants to be picked up. Spencer is sitting at the table starring on with an apologetic look on his face but David waves him off and pulls away from his husband long enough to pick up the little boy.

Hank must have escaped Savannah’s grasp because he follows not long after.

What a picture they must make. Aaron holding Hank, Dave holding Alfie, dancing at their wedding. It’s enough to put a tear in his eye.

He catches Aaron’s eye and says, “I never thought I’d have this.”

Aaron smiles and says, “You won’t for long. Bridget doesn’t like to be left out.”

Sure enough just a few seconds later Dave is nearly knocked over by Bridget, now just in her panties, being chased by Penelope who is telling the little girl that she can’t dance without clothes.

Aaron looks down, Hank nearly asleep in his arms and says firmly, “Now we talked about this. You have to wear clothes at Papaw and Uncle Aaron’s wedding. It’s a rule young lady.”

She looks him straight in the face and says, “No.”

Aaron looks so put out that Dave has to choke back a laugh.

“Sweetie either you put clothes on or you and I will have to leave. Your brother will get to stay with your dad,” Penelope steps in.

“But I don’t wanna leave!” Bridget stomps her feet.

“Then put the clothes on!” Penny says firmly.

Bridget rolls her eyes but says, “Fine.”

Penelope sighs as she grabs Bridget’s hand and then looks to Aaron, “You’ve been saving up her bail money right?”

“Why do you think I married Dave?” Aaron quips back.

Eventually the DJ opens the dance floor for other couples and Dave watches as the floor fills up with their family and friends. A couple of his cousins have come, as has his brother. Aaron doesn’t have much distant family left and those he does have are homophobic and weren’t invited. Sean is here, though, fresh out of prison and is now dancing with Jessica.

So they dance in various combinations. Each of the grandkids gets a turn as does Jack. And then they toast and drink so they can dance some more until JJ’s mom starts gathering children to take back to Dave and Aaron’s place.

 

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5 years later (or 1 year after the last)

 

Penelope always makes a big deal out of the twins birthdays and this year being their big number 5 was supposed to be huge. She had plans to rent a bouncy house, and have both a Disney princess and a magician in attendance.  There was going to be finger food and painting and a big cake with a picture of the twins on it.

However, she and Spence had forgotten to use protection at Hotch and Dave’s wedding. So instead of throwing a big birthday party they were having a small dinner at their house with all the people who she didn’t mind watching her breastfeed their young daughter Clara.

Penelope didn’t think she could have more children, she was 42 after all, but her doctor assured her that since she was not yet in menopause and was still ovulating it was possible. It was a high risk pregnancy and it took enough of a toll on her that Spencer had gone in and gotten a vasectomy after her first doctor’s appointment. But they had gotten through it and come out on the other side better than ever.

Clara is a beautiful little girl. She’s pale with blonde hair and Spencer’s eyes. Penelope thinks that when she gets older she might look like Marilyn Monroe. She’s also by far the easiest baby Penelope has ever seen. At three months old she was already sleeping through the night.  Alfie didn’t until he was a year old and Bridget still isn’t half the time.

It’s just the team. The usual’s as it were plus Luke and Matt as well as his family that are invited to the party. Spencer went ahead and got the bounce house and had it set up in the backyard so the kids are playing out back under the watchful eye of one Derek Morgan, who truth be told was probably having as much fun jumping in that thing as the kids were.

In fact most of the adults had taken a turn in that thing. Hotch went first, to ‘test’ it for structural integrity. Prentiss, JJ, Will, Luke, Matt, and Dave had all followed for short amounts of time. Derek though was nearing an hour in the thing. Most of the kids have given up by this point, coming in the house looking for food before being kicked back outside, but Derek isn’t alone. Oh no, Spencer’s in there as well.

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They’re taking a breather. They’ve run all the kids off at this point. Penelope won’t let them in the house for long but Matt and Luke have organized some game that Derek thinks might be related to soccer that they are eating up.  

At one point they were sitting crisscross applesauce but now they’ve laid back, arms at their sides.

They’ve talked a bit but mostly they’re enjoying the company. No wives, no kids, just two friends doing something silly together.

Derek loves his life. He loves Savannah, Hank, and Isabella. They’re something he never dared to wish for. He loves his new job as the head of a consultation based BAU. He’s doing what he loves, and occasionally he still gets to take the bad guys down himself, but he gets to do it without all the travel. He gets to be in charge and still be home in time for bedtime cuddles. If he ever had to picture his perfect ending he’s relatively sure it would look something like this. The thing is, though, often to achieve one kind of perfect you have to give up another. 

And to get this perfect he had to give up the perfect of his 20’s and early 30’s. Unfortunately, that meant a big change in his friendship with Spencer.

They still work together, only now he’s Spencer, JJ, and Tara’s boss. Prentiss had taken over the field team, which still included Penelope, when Hotch retired. But they have an office job now. There aren’t long nights with coffee and plane rides are rare. Often their time together now is either sitting in a conference room or else watching the kids on weekends. It’s nice, but it’s a different kind of friendship.

Derek thinks that Penelope especially, but also the rest of the family, probably assumed that he would be super overprotective of her and Spencer’s kids. And he is. But he also thinks that most people would assume that he would be more protective of the girls than Alfie and that’s where they would be wrong.

Clara is still pretty young, but Derek can see so much of her mother in her. She’s calm and quiet in the face of chaos, she smiles constantly even when she’s sick, and she loves bright things.

Bridget too is strong; she has all of Penelope’s strength and all of Spencer’s as well. Bridget is smart, inquisitive, and strong-willed. She doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to or else that doesn’t get her something. She knows how to play the system. She knows how to win. Plus, she’s outgoing in all the ways that her parents aren’t which is something this world values.

Alfie though, is the spitting image of what Derek imagines Spencer to have looked like as a child. He’s all the parts of Spencer that Derek wishes he could have wrapped up and kept safe when Spence was just a little boy himself. He’s all the things that Derek imagines William stole from his friend. He’s vulnerable and sweet. He’s just as inquisitive as his twin but he’s quieter about it. He also has a touch of each of his parent’s anxiety which certainly peaks Derek’s protective instincts.

So while Derek fully plans on running the boys away from the two girls and Isabella too it’s Alfie that Derek most wants to hold away from the rest of the world.  Because Alfie’s the one that needs it the most.

They’re just laying there, listening to the kids run and yell when Spencer says, “William called.”

Derek can feel Spencer tense up next to him, though he isn’t sure if that’s because he doesn’t really want to talk about it or because he’s afraid of Derek’s reaction he doesn’t know.

“And?” He responds quietly, without looking over.

“He read mom’s obituary and noticed that it listed grandchildren. He wants to meet them.”

Derek’s eyes are closed but he knows that Spencer’s eyes are blazing with anger even while he’s biting his lip with anxiety.  He balls his fists and stops himself from spitting out that William Reid would see Derek’s nieces and nephew over his dead body. Because that was neither helpful nor his decision.

“What does Penelope think?” He asks instead.

“She doesn’t think it’s a good idea but she’s on board if I want to go through with it.”

Derek can hear the pain in Spencer’s voice and it makes him want to kick something.

“Are you going to let him meet them?” He asks softly, opening his eyes and looking over at his pseudo brother.

Spencer scrunch’s up his face and says, “I don’t know. He is their last living blood relative other than Penelope and I, and I don’t want to rob them of a relationship with them if he’s serious about being in their lives.”

“But?”

“But if he leaves again, I mean it wouldn’t faze Bridget and Clara is so young…”

“But Alfie couldn’t handle it and it’s not fair to let the girls meet their grandfather and not him,” Derek finishes for Spencer.

“It would break him. He loves people are fiercely and we already lost mom. I don’t know. Do you think he could handle it?”

Derek stops to think about the question. He knows that it is twofold, Spencer really does want to know if he thinks Alfie could take it and in all honesty he probably could. Especially if he didn’t know that was his grandpa. But Spencer also wants to know if Derek thinks he could take it and, in that Derek, really doesn’t know.

 “I’m not sure,” Derek stops and takes a breath, “What’s really going on in that head?”

Spencer doesn’t say anything.

“Reid?”

“It makes me angry.”

“What do ya mean?”

“He left when I was nine. He never came back, never checked in on me. He had no interest in being my dad. I had eleven graduations that he didn’t show up to. He’s been gone for 32 years. And I know that he knew what was going on in my life because Penelope hacks into his computer from time to time to check when she thinks I don’t know.”

“Yeah…”

“And nothing I ever did was enough to make him want to come back. Nothing. I did everything I possibly could and it wasn’t enough for him. And he would have met the kids at mom’s funeral if he had shown up. But he didn’t. Now I’m just supposed to let him into my children’s lives? I’m supposed to let him come in and be grandpa when he couldn’t be a dad?”

“Spence you don’t have to do anything. If you don’t want to let him in you tell him that he gave up the right to be a grandpa when the door closed behind him.”

“But…” Spencer chokes.

“But what pretty boy?”

“Does that make me like him?”

“What?” Derek exclaims as he sits up, “Why would you ask that?”

Spencer sits up too and says, “He was so weak. He was so weak that he left a nine year to handle his business because he couldn’t. I hate him for being that weak. Does it make me weak that I won’t deal with him long enough to let my kids know their grandfather?”

Derek reaches out and pulls Spencer to him in an awkward hug before he says, “You are not weak. You understand me? You are not a weak man. You are not a weak father.  You are not a weak husband. You making a carefully thought out decision with the aid of your wife and best friend not to put your family through a bad situation on the chance that it might all turn out okay is not going to change that. Besides how many grandpas your kids need anyhow?”

Spencer smirks as he sits up, “Technically they only have one. They still call Hotch Uncle Aaron.”

“But they all know he’s the softy who always has candy for them,” Derek points out reasonably.

“You really think I should say no?” Spencer asks seriously.

“I think you just lost your mom not a month ago and that can do things to your head. If you need to see him that would be understandable.  He is still your father.  And if that’s something you need then you let me know and we’ll figure something out. But I think your kids are fine without him. They have two grandpas and a grandma who love them unconditionally. They don’t need a deadbeat like him.”

“I think I might. Need to see him that is,” Spencer says shyly.

“Alright then. We’ll work something out.”

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It takes 4 months to work it out. Spencer feels a little selfish for this because one of the reasons it took so long is because he needs Penelope next to him and Clara couldn’t be away from her overnight until now. He feels even more selfish when he realizes that he’s not only taking his children’s mother away from them for the weekend because he needs her emotional support but he’s also taking both of their primary nonparental caregivers with him as well seeing as there was no way Hotch and David were letting the two of them face this alone.

He feels a bit better in that they have Aunt Emily, Aunt JJ, and Uncle Will wrapped around their fingers.

Penelope grabs his hand as Hotch starts the rental car to take them to their hotel. It calms him immediately in a way nothing else can.  She leans her head on his shoulder and rubs her fingers over his hands most of the ride.

Spencer can see Dave’s glances from the passenger seat and knows that he must really be amped up because Dave never comments on their closeness or the fact that he can’t handle another baby right now. A glance in the rearview confirms this as Hotch nods at him reassuringly.

As guilty as he feels for having taken these three people away from his kids for the entire weekend he is also very glad that they are here with him.

They check into the hotel first because Spencer needs to know he has somewhere to go if things get rough without having to stop and be polite to the attendant. And also because the plan is to meet William in the hotel restaurant which qualifies as neutral territory, gives them something to do other than talk if things get awkward and allows for Hotch and Dave to be nearby without standing over anyone’s shoulder.

Hope for success. Plan for failure.

The restaurant is fairly crowded when they get there, and loud enough that Hotch and Dave won’t be able to make out every word said even though they are at the next table and in Spencer’s line of sight.

William is already there. A picture of awkward energy shifting around on his feet and looking around anxiously.

The four of them stand outside for a moment while Spencer steels himself in preparation to go inside. Penelope has his hand in hers and looks as anxious as he images himself to look. But it’s Hotch who breaks the silence by reminding him, “You don’t have to do this Spencer. We can turn around and go to casino instead. Waste some of Dave’s money.”

Dave elbows him, “Hey now it’s your money too,” He reminds him.

Hotch shrugs, “Which is why I’m so comfortable offering it.”

Dave rolls his eyes but looks at Spencer and says, “If that’s what you need I’ll give you my gold card. Or we can get back on a plane and go home to your kids. You don’t have to go in there if you don’t want to.”

Spencer nods and looks at his wife, almost ready to turn around when she says, “No. You’re going in there. If you want to call and postpone until tomorrow that’s fine but this as been hanging over your head for too long. I’m tired of it. You’re talking to man.”

Spencer smiles at Hotch and Dave and says, “Well my wife has spoken I guess we’ll have to have to blow all of your money.”

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Maybe it’s mean but Penelope really doesn’t care. Her husband needs this. He needs it and who knows if he’ll have the chance again.

Penelope doesn’t. She didn’t have the issues with her parents that Spencer does but she still needs resolution. Resolution that she has had to learn to live without because death stops a life midsentence and it doesn’t care that you never said goodbye.

She refuses to let him go through the same thing. It will not happen as long as she’s here. That’s why you don’t send two overprotective dads to do a wife’s job.

They go in quietly, separating off into two tables. William looks up as they approach, seemingly not noticing Dave and Aaron at the next table. There’s no reason for him to know Aaron but she thought he might recognize Dave.

He smiles at Spencer and then in her direction as he wipes a sweaty hand on his sweater.

“Spencer it’s good to see you. I assume this is your wife?” She can tell that he’s trying and if she hadn’t spent years holding her husband while he raged and cried and questioned himself because of this man’s weakness she would probably even feel sorry for him.

“Yes, this is my wife Penelope. Penny this is my dad. William Reid,” He holds his hand out in the direction of his dad like she doesn’t know who he is.

“Nice to meet you Mr. Reid,” She offers with a tight smile.

“Well let’s sit down then. I’m not gonna lie I was kind of hoping you two had changed your minds about bringing the kids,” He laughs awkwardly while he picks up a menu.

Spencer tries to smile. It falls short, and he says, “Well we didn’t think it was a good idea.”

William looks haunted as he says, “Of course.”

They sort of dance around the real reason for the meeting while they order. The tension between them makes Penelope uncomfortable but it isn’t until she starts to shift in her seat that Spencer clears his throat and says, “Why?”

William shakes himself and responds, “I wasn’t cut out to be a dad. Surely you must understand better now that you’re a dad yourself.”

Spencer huffs under his breath and says, “Mom said if it were up to you I would have had a house full of brothers and sisters. I think maybe you just weren’t cut out to be my dad.”

Penelope sucks in a breath of air and puts her hand on his thigh under the table. He puts his hand on top of hers and squeezes it to let her know he’s okay.

“I’ve spent a lot of time the past thirty two years trying to figure out why I left. Trying to figure out why I couldn’t stay and I won’t lie to you. I know I owe you the truth. Being your father was difficult. You were not the easiest kid. You figured out how to pull the baby gate down before you could walk and you rationalized your way out of every punishment.  But that’s not why.”

“Then why? I know you didn’t hate me. I remember the books and the dinosaur pancakes. You liked doing those things. And I know you didn’t force me into little league because you wanted me to fit some mold.”

“No I wanted you to be able to interact with other kids your age. I thought little league would socialize you the way school was supposed to,” He says easily in a way that makes Penelope think that he’s just like any other parent, “I don’t know if you’re ready to hear this but I do love you. I always have.”

Penelope can feel Spencer tense, his body is starting to coil and she knows from experience that he’s going to blow up soon if she doesn’t intervene. So she presses a kiss to his cheek that seems to make him calm down at least a bit.

“Then why?”

“I don’t know Spencer. I felt weak. I felt like I couldn’t take care of you or your mom. All the things I told you before. I know it isn’t good enough but it’s all I have,” He looks utterly broken in a way that Penelope hates. She knows this man. She’s seen his computer and his browser history. She knows he’s lonely and that that he’s been punishing himself for more than thirty years.  But as much as she feels badly for him she knows that he made his bed. He chose to walk out on his sick wife and nine year old child. He has no one else to blame.

Spencer has also been beating himself up for thirty years and it wasn’t his decision. He did nothing wrong. He’s innocent. Her perfect husband.

They’re quiet again while the waiter brings the entrée, and they make small talk while eating it. Finally Spencer looks at Penelope and says, “Can you show him a picture of the kids on your phone?”

“Are you sure?” She asks, because one thing he had been very clear about was that he did want to show William pictures of the kids.

He nods and so she pulls out her phone and opens the folder of pictures. She hands the phone to William who cries the minute he sees the twins smiling faces.

“They look so much like you did,” William whispers.

“That’s what mom said,” Spencer replies, sending a nod to Aaron and Dave who are watching closely.

“I forgive you,” Spencer says after a long pause.

William looks up and starts to speak before Spencer cuts him off, “Let me talk please.  I forgive you. I’m a dad now and my kids drive me crazy. I’m not going to lie and say I’ve never thought about leaving. Everyone does or so I’m told. So I understand the impulse and I forgive you for wanting to run from your problems. I even understand that it would have been hard to come back once you had made that decision. I’m not angry anymore. I can’t be. I don’t have time for that. But I can’t be around you. It hurts. And I can’t let you around my kids. You don’t have the best track record and you may my dad but I’m their dad. It’s my and Penelope’s job to protect them and so I just can’t.”

William reluctantly hands the phone back to Penelope and nods, “I understand.”

“But,” He starts again, “If it’s okay with Penelope I would be okay with you calling her and asking about us. All five of us. Maybe someday I’ll be okay with more, but I don’t want to give you false hope. I doubt that will ever happen.”

Penelope smiles at her husband, moving her hand to his neck. He smiles at her. He’s trying. He’s trying so hard to get his resolution. To make the best of this situation that isn’t of their making and she is so proud of him.

“Thank you.”

CMCMCM

Dave watches the scene carefully while he eats. Aaron seems as tense as he feels though he does a good job of hiding it.

“So, once this is done what’s the plan?” Dave asks after a drink of wine.

“That depends on them,” Aaron smiles.

“Remind me to put condoms in their room.  As much as I love our grandchildren I really don’t think I can handle another until at least one of them goes to school.”

Aaron snorts, “Tell me about it. Could be worse though. We could not have them at all.”

Dave nods warily.

“Otherwise I thought maybe we could hit a casino, whichever Spencer isn’t banned from, and earn enough for Jack’s college education.”

Dave rolls his eyes, “Why can’t you accept your position of trophy husband and just let your rich husband take care of you?”

Aaron just smiles at him before glancing over at Spencer and Penelope.

“You know the first time I met William I never thought we would get here,” Dave says softly.

“He was very angry for a long time,” Aaron agrees.

“So was she. She was so angry at herself for so long I never thought she’d get married or have children. It’s almost the same thing William has done to himself,” Dave says absentmindedly as they watch Penelope hand her phone over to Spencer’s father.

“And yet,” Aaron starts.

“And yet,” Dave agrees, “Here they are. Married. Three babies. We did good.”

Aaron snorts again, sound that Dave is never sure is real, “I’m not sure we can take credit for this Dave.”

Dave rolls his eyes, “Of course we can. We took all of those caterpillars and taught them to make cocoons when their own parents had neglected their responsibility for whatever reason. We nursed them and fed them, literally, and read to them. Hell, we tucked them into bed at night. We are more of parents to them than their own.”

“I think Penelope, JJ, and Derek would argue with you on a few of those points,” Aaron argues, “Besides when have we ever tucked them into bed?”

“The last time we drank together, and Derek insisted on a puppy pile in my living room floor,” Dave points out.

Aaron looks like he has something more to say but stops when they see dinner wrapping up and William handing back Penelope’s phone.

So, Dave throws a few bills on the table and they walk over to see how things are going.

William nods at them as his way out of the restaurant. Dave can see that he, at least, paid the bill for the three of them and nods.

It was something. Not enough but something.

CMCMCM

When they get home two days later, after getting banned from three casinos for counting cards, they walk into the house to find Derek on their couch with four of the five kids on top of him asleep while Clara slept in her carrier next to the couch.

Spencer watches as Penelope goes straight to their sleeping baby and Hotch goes to pick up Isabella as she’s about to fall off of her father, while Dave heads right into the kitchen yelling back, “All you have in sandwich stuff. Start packing up what you need and call JJ.  We’ll eat at our place!” And he thinks that this is the family his kids need. Maybe someday he’ll be able to speak to his father without feeling like the world is ending. Probably not. But his children will never go without like he did.


End file.
